About 4 years ago I came home from a weekend away with my daughter to see that my husband had suddenly and completely changed his eating habits. He was very diligent in his effort to lose weight. He started a pretty rigorous exercise regimen and lost 35 lbs! His mood toward me turned surly about that same time. He was having less sexual contact with me and rarely went to our daughter's sports events on the weekends, choosing to stay home instead. His libido went from "Ready Freddy" to "Zip Nadda." I mean we went from about 14 years of sex 2-4 times a week to NOTHING for months at a time. Then he suddenly bought a whole new wardrobe, started going to a men's hi-end barbershop for his haircuts and buying expensive shaving/aftershave lotions and moisturizers - he'd NEVER been one to fuss about getting older. Lately he's been very protective of his computer, always asking if anyone's been touching it. (Everyone in the house has their own.) Most recently and the strangest behavior yet, is teeth whitening. He rarely smiles and has small teeth: if he had green teeth, I'm not sure anyone would notice! I commented that if I got a full time job outside the house with decent pay and benefits (I've been freelancing fairly successfully for 8 years), that he'd better start worrying. SUDDENLY, (like whip-lash sudden) he started coming home from work at a decent hour, was MUCH more physically attentive and engaged in actual 2-way conversations with me. He even asked me to lunch on his telecommute day and accompanied me on my morning walk. My confusion is this: is he having a long-term affair with one person or are his continuous actions symptomatic of a series of affairs?

I would say that either he is having a mid life crisis or yep having an affair. The fact he has back tracked does say he does care and he probably is now weighing up what he really wants. but what do you want? maybe its time for you to jump out there and see what the world is like in his shoes and why is he afraid that you might, why would that change his behaviour/ attitude toward you? maybe because he dosent want you to experience what he is or has? I feel for you and would start doing a bit more prying....but at the same time look after you! you have a daughter and what is it that you want to find? if he was what would you do? all of the info on this site is great but it does clearly warn on how you manage the situation. look after you before you spill any beans and make sure you are happy. and most of all you are safe and secure with your daughter with an already planned course of action if in the event he is. I so hope for you and your daughter its just a mid life crisis. good luck. I know as mine was exactly what I hoped not to find, and yes poorly organised as followed mouth before the brain engaged and let emotions take stock. was not a good plan.

Well, my husband is a serial cheater. I can tell you that I probably should not have married him, but he truly is a great listener and even better talker. Before we got married, he had an "emotional affair" with an ex-girlfriend. I hacked his e-mail account before it became physical. He said he was confused because of our wedding coming and he was making sure that any unresolved feelings were resolved. I BELIEVED HIM. Well, he's so dumb, he always get caught. His biggest vice is the internet. Always starts talking to people and says that he never meets with any of them. BS. Now he's blowing up our cell phone bill talking to her. She's of course, "JUST A FRIEND" I found out last week that he had been with a protitute. The idiot left a text message from her, stating that she "would be around the bar tomorrow and if anybody else wanted a whirl to let her know, whites only"...He always gets caught. I finally kicked him out of the house and he forgot some stuff....so in the process of trying to find him, I found out he was staying with the girl from work. Convenient. Anyway, now he's of course back with his sweet talk and begging......

Hope nobody else falls for his game.

Went out with her one night to a bar and left early. she came home wasted and started getting phone calls and messages right away. Since then all she does is text message him.

My gut told me to look, and i saw the messages on her cell phone, tons of them between her and him. Threw her out of the house in the rain one night, but took her back the next day. Since then its been going on the same. Last saturday night she went out with her "buddies", and came home at 3:30am. I woke up before her the next morning and looked at her phone again. Shes deleting her messages now, but was too drunk to remember that night. Saw more of them, including the one to him "can you handle me?" So now, im waiting to catch her for sure.

Dude what are you waiting for, I think you have already caught her. Why punish yourself anymore. She may just be in a drunken stupor enjoying attention, but it is probably at a point if she doesnt stay home and you both dont work to pull this relationship back then yeah.......cheating. and if she dosent want to thats your answer. But please have some dignity if all else, no putting people out in the rain, just call her a cab and wish her well. good luck

Well signs of infidelity are: "working" late, wanting to be out with his mates more, complaining that I wasnt as beautiful as I used to be, yelling at me telling me sex was so repetitive and boring, his phone is never switched on, lying in our bed everynight for a month wondering where he was, telling me I was paranoid and insecure.
I had been with my boyfriend for 4 years and we were living at his and talking about getting married... things were almost perfect. He was very good looking, charming, and an outrageous flirt, but they were the very things that attracted me to him in the first place - but he always made me feel like I was the only woman he had eyes for. Even my parents (who didnt really love him given that he was 9 years older than me) said they had never seen someone so besotted, and to be honest I felt so completely loved and secure.
Then it changed, he went out and got chatted up by some girl in a bar, we had had a few arguments and he kissed her and then carried right on seeing her... almost everynight for a month before he broke it off with me. I confronted him after 2 weeks into his little affair as I had a look on his phone to find a message from a colleague of his at work asking him "so how did your date go are you still confused?" he told me some BS about how he had no idea what that was about and i believed him. He even went out one night with his cousins, I asked if I could come as I hadnt seen much of him lately but he said no; the next day his dad was ill and i was woken up to calls from his parents and brother, noone could get hold of him. When i confronted him he just said that i was paranoid, that i was boring in bed and was just really hurtful. We ended not even two weeks later. 1 and half months past, i had moved back home and not heard a word other than the occasional message saying he wanted to see me but was concious of the fact he did not want to lead me on. Anyways I was heartbroken I couldnt sleep or eat; I lost 10kgs went back down to my former size 6 and then he saw me. I knew the tables has turned, he couldnt keep his eyes off me, it was like the early stages of our relationship, when I knew I was in control. He begged to have me back and stupidly I gave him a chance; six months later I had to go through it all again, because I had a hunch and couldnt let it go. Lets just say he was an incredible liar - I dont think he was unfaithful in the 6 months after we got back together, but the damage was done I found out about the other girl, and the girls he had behind her back! He claimed he never considered her a girlfriend and that he was "single" in his mind because he wasnt with me...BS there were times that I found the odd random message on his phone from a girl he "met in a bar" or emails with air hostesses. just so much that I am surprised I put up with it for so long - but they dont say love is blind for a reason! Its been almost 10 months since I left... he still calls and is still talking about marriage and doing whatever I want because I am the only woman he ever loved - his loss now, I have moved on and its too late. I forgive a lot, but infidelity is not one of them.