Acceptance,
My heart goes out to you. Six months ago I began posting on this website. I started the thread '"So I am not alone in the eye of the tornado" Plus I posted on this thread and you gave me wonderful heartfelt support.
YOu plus many other that I have developed friendships with have held my hand and supported me thru out the insane ordeal of trying to move on after a CL/N has torn our worlds apart.
The people here have given you great support and advice.
You will survive from this. You are going to come out a new person. A whole New Beautiful Happier Person.
You mentioned narcissist along with CL. The CL usually can move on after creating havoc in our lives (they dont necessarily stop lying), only we arent always going to be thier target. Now the N, well that is a differant story. They dont ever like to give up. You are the N's food source, you are thier target. They dont just give up and walk away forever. They are spiritual and psychic vampires. If they go away, they usually resurface to make sure their target is still immobilized. My X was a N.
Have you also looked into the following site?
I know you developed friends here too, but that site also helps with the nitty gritty of dealing with a Narcissist. I went back and forth between the two sites to get thru my ordeal.
I survived! I have come out a better person. I have happiness in my life now! I am happier then I have been in years!!! Unbelievable. Somedays the thought creeps up on me "what if he surfaces and i fall again?" Then I push that aside and relish what I now have.
I hope that you can get to the point where you can breathe easier and smile. Yes, smile about your survival, your freedom.
I dont know if you do "youtube" I hope you can get the videos. This one is for you...
Its Warrior Women!
We are, you are, a warrior woman.
Stand tall my friend, you can make it!
Praying for you to have some semblence of peace in your life.
Love and peace
Warrago
I second all the voices on this board... You are a nice person, a decent human being. I remeber your post you wrote about my anger. You said you wanted to kill him with kindness and gave him a lift when you could run him over with your car. I do not wish you did, but someone else should... These people need to be stopped!
Love does not change them. Kindness does not either. You have to play their game to be even close to getting even. Who needs that crap!!! I am glad you are getting out. The only thing you will need is to rebuild your trust in people. This will take a while, but at least you will be free of that leech!!!!!
hi again, could use some of the wisdom that rolls around here to get me through this next week. i know ultimately i have to make the decision but i would appreciate your input. so here's an update.....still struggling with physical illness but getting better...ended up at the mayo clinic and was diagnoised with a heart condition and also got help for the gut thing. so at least that exists but due also it is not treatable and they are having a difficult time managing it due to sensitivities and other physical complications. some say i should apply for disability but i really feel once i can get this n/cl leach pulled off of me for good, i'll continue to get better as i have for the 18 months since we've lived apart. so that's part of the story. the other part is i am still with the guy i had mentioned many posts ago...it definately has not been an easy ride with all the baggage but the one thing i can say it is a growing relationship where we both are working on things and striving to be better, loving people. it is safe and warm and i am happy here. now to where i need your advice.
two financial agreements existed in the last 18 months, both notorized and submitted to the court. the atty hired last oct. was told of n/cl and was supposed to be getting all things in order just in case because mr. n/cl promised hew would sign the decree in jan but instead hired this shark atty. since then he and his atty have been cruel to put it mildly...attacking me about my physical health to saying i'm faking it, etc. etc. at the settlement conference I saw what an incompetent person my atty really was, he said nothing nor prepared me or anything else. so i made an appt to confront him and he quit two weeks before the trial. i went before the judge asking for a continuance to obtain new counsel and time to submit evidence and prepare witnesses for the trial...she gave me 3 weeks but disallowed any evidence or documentation. the atty that quit didn't file any of the paperwork for documents or evidence that i had sumbitted to him...agghh. now, i go to trial on the 9th of june without an atty because the one i want to hire has a trial that day and the shark atty refuses to agree to a postponement. so here's my dilemna...i put out two settlement offers..the first has been declined. the atty i want to hire says the judge i have hates to give spousal maintenance and is unlikely to uphold the two previous financial agreements. n/cl has offered to settle for signifigantly less than the original agreements or even my offer. do i face this trial in the hopes that the small sliver of justice could occur, take the low ball settlement from n/cl or go with this new atty who want to take him to court for contempt because we have proof he lied in court and then go for the orginal settlement offer to be upheld. i just don't know because as you know they do seem to get away with everything...he shows up in court looking all sweet and humble..like a beaten man whose ex wife wants to take all his money and ruin him...hah. we know the truth. i won't even get into how he treats our daughter. doesn't call, misses his visits treats her terrible. well, ladies, i know i am in this too deep to step back and see it clearly. it makes me angry that he won't be held to his promise of the earlier finacial agreements, it angers me what the judge has done, it angers me that i know even after the divorce he will continue to use our daughter as a weapon of torture for me...she sees him for who he is and just plays along to try to keep the narcissistic rage away. the atty that quit failed to aact when i asked for a custody evaluation and now the custody is settled but can be reopened after the divorce trial. it angers me after 19 years he thinks we deserve a small stipend and he and new wife which is first ex-wife deserve the posh life. what i want, i can't seem to get...him held accountable. many of you know my faith, i clung to the idea god would see and act but things continue to seem to fall in his favor...do i just tuck and run or risk it all and go before this judge again and face the likely hood she will be unfair as before and give him everything and i end up with the small amount of child support...so many unknowns...what are your thought ladies. sorry for the no punctuation and capitol letters...if i use them it jumps me off this screen...thanks again for your love and support. much love.
Oh boy Acceptance, I would so like to be able to put on my thinking cap and come up with some thoughts that would help you through this. Some ideas or options or choices, but I can't do that, perhaps through my own fault, but I'm afraid I don't clearly understand the whats and wherefores and details of the situation you are explaining. If you could make it a little bit clearer I could get into problem solving mode and see what I can come up with. Maybe the others understand better, but I can't seems to get a grip on the details. M
There is no easy way to let go. i am a bad writter so bare with me. I am in a realy bad relationship and the thought of baring a child scares me to death because if he can't be there for me do you think he realy can be there for a child? Now have ya'll always had problems or is he having cold feet and is as scared as your are into bring a new life in this world and the feeling of your responsability to raise your baby write. If thats the case you need to let him know that you are scared as well and that wont be easy but if you have each other it wont go wroug. Most men can handle stress at all or surprises so the seem run as soon as things get scary and seems we always have confort them because the are babys as well. If is a good person you talk to him and get him to understand the situation and be able to talk about it. But if he is not a good man once that baby is in your hands you would never wont anyone i mean anyone to hurt your baby and things usualy get so clear when it happens. My father was a liar cheater and amoung other things when i was five i was already catching on to things and my mom new so she left for good for my sake and my life turned so good because i new who cared about me. So think about and write back
