I've read through so many of the stories on the general discussion page about sticking it out and trying and how it all worked out....seems impossible to me and yet I want to believe it.

I'm wondering who out there is in the process of recovery and healing. I'm wanting to form a group of us who already know that our guts are worth listening to, that we see our own co-dependency but also realize how hard it is to let go of the dream of the relationship or marriage.

My latest, My husband said he really wanted to change this time. I said ok but didn't jump on the wagon. I went to our Pastors with my husband and told them just one year of the 18 year cycle. Much to my suprise they believed me- I was so used to hearing from my husband that I didn't know what I was talking about, making things up, being suspicious, unforgiving, etc. They got tough on him, telling him if he wants it to work he's got to quit faking it and walk a long humble road. It would be nice to see him recover and live a life of integrity but I'm not buying it. My faith is strong and one thing I have learned is to listen to that voice within. I don't love him anymore as a husband and I really want a chance to find my own life. It's hard after all these years that maybe and I emphasize maybe this is the time he turns and I'm wanting to walk away. I know God can restore love and transform people- it's just going to take a long time before I can see that happening and I'd love to share the journey with others. To hear your story, to call me when I'm talking non sense, to cry with, to share our victories with, you get the idea.
Any one want to join me?

IM THE STORY OF THE BOYFRIEND WHO CONSTANTLY LIES. IM 4 MONTHES PREGNANT AND HE HAS LEFT FOR IRAQ WITH THE ARMY. LAST WEEK HE CALLED ME AND SAID HE DIDNT KNOW IF HE WANTED TO BE WITH ME ANYMORE BECAUSE HE HAD TOO MUCH TO DEAL WITH. HE SAID HE WOULD CALL ME IN A FEW DAYS TO TELL ME WHAT " HE DECIDED". IM DEVISTATED AND FURIOUS. FIRST OF ALL, I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS A CHOICE AT THIS POINT. HOW CAN HE THINK IT IS OK TO JUST WALK AWAY FROM HIS CHILD. ALSO AFTER EVERYTHING I HAVE DONE FOR HIM AND EVERY WAY I HAVE STOOD BY HIM, NOW HE IS CONTEMPLATING BREAKING IT OFF BECAUSE IT IS TOO MUCH TROUBLE. WHAT ABOUT ALL THE TROUBLE I WENT THROUGH. SPENDING ALL MY MONEY ON FOOD AND GAS AND BILLS, BECAUSE HE NEVER HAD ANY MONEY.
SO WHAT YOU SAID ABOUT TRYING TO MOVE ON... IT SEEMS IMPOSSIBLE. I KNOW THAT I DONT HAVE TOO SIT HERE AND WAIT FOR HIS DECISION. BUT I FEEL LIKE I CANT MAKE THE DECISION FOR MY SELF. I KNOW HE TREATS ME HORRIBLE AND I KNOW I DESERVE BETTER, BUT ITS LIKE IM PARALYZED. EVERY DAY I WAIT FOR HIS CALL LIKE AN IDIOT. I FEEL LIKE I CANT GET ON WITH MY LIFE UNLESS HE TELLS ME HE DOESNT WANT TO DO IT ANYMORE. WHY CANT I JUST BE STRONG ENOUGH TO BREAK IT OFF WITH HIM? IM STUCK HERE WAISTING MY LIFE BECAUSE I AM SO HURT. AND YET I CANT JUST WALK AWAY. I DONT KNOW HOW TO MOVE ON. IM LOST. IF YOU HAVE ANY INSITE OR WORDS FOR ME PLEASE LET ME KNOW.

I wish we could hold each other's hands as we walk out of these messes. My husband is also military and from my experience, it made him worse not better. My advice is to listen to yourself and believe yourself. They yell and scream and tell us we are crazy and don't know what we are talking about. Only we know what is best for us.
Having a child complicates things for sure- I didn't want my daughter growing up without her happy family. I cringe at the amount of damage that has been done to her sweet soul over that decision. The happy family was me living in denial and never approaching him about his stuff.
I do believe the military will intervene on your behalf as far as child support. Talk to his commander.
If I knew the magic pill to believe in myself- I'd take it and pass it out. Little by little our sense of worth grows and I have faith that one day I'll be able to live at peace. Take care of yourself...that baby already knows everything that is going on...love yourself and that will be the greatest gift you could ever give to that baby.

I am dealing with the unforgiveness part as well. I am a 28 year old stay at home mother of three . My husband cheated on me with a nasty stripper and had her living in one of his rental properties for 9-10mths. I found out about it through her because he threw her out and she wanted revenge. I flat out do not trust him as far as I can see him. I am full of bitterness, revenge, anger, and alot more crazy emotions. He told me that he was sorry but I don't believe him to save my life now it is 8months later and I still harboring extreme animosity against him. I am so full of rage and anger what should I do!!!

The concept of forgiveness ia a two way street and doesn't mean you have to remain with a liar. Sometimes forgiveness can only take place after you leave and move from an abusive relationship. Believe me I know, as Ive been married to a liar for thirty years, and I was constantly forgiving him. Until one day I woke up and realized he never had stopped his behaviors knowing how much his lies had hurt me. I'm now in the process of divorcing him and feel peace in my heart for the first time. Yes I've forgiven him for not being the man he lied to me that he was on our wedding day.

Hello - If you do not make a decision, one will be made for you. You have to decide what YOU want and what is best for you and your child. When we fail to take action, things happen that we may or may not like. You are in the driver's seat here. You need to make the decision on what to do. Don't wait for a decision to be made for you.

Tanisha - Forgiveness does not mean that you have to accept his behavior or place yourself in a position to be cheated on again. You can forgive, but take care of yourself and take steps to ensure that you won't be treated this way again. Forgiveness doesn't mean you have to be a doormat.