Gullible wrote:
Hi 'In same boat'

You're right, it does fill you with such a sense of shame, that you were taken in so badly by such a con man. And I feel guilty in many ways too because, of course, my husband wasn't all bad. He has many wonderful qualities, like a great sense of humour, intelligence, he is interesting, warm, engaging and loving when he wants to be. And he has supported me, looked after me and been a wonderful father to my son.

But the thing that stands out from reading everyone's stories is how living with a liar destroys your confidence.
When I met him, I was a young widow with a 5 year old child. I was still recovering from the loss of my much beloved husband but I had tried to rebuild my life. I had regained a lot of my confidence that grief and loss destroys and I was moving on.

Maybe he really did love me for the things he saw in me at the time. But living with him gradually chipped away at my confidence and all my life's motivation. When you are constantly being lied to, you lose that inner core of strength and self belief. At least I did. I stopped seeing people, going out, doing the things I enjoy. It was like all life's pleasures had been sucked away from me and I could never quite work out how that happened.
I look in the mirror now and I see an overweight, miserable woman with no self esteem and I feel like such a sad sack, sitting here writing on a chat line, the first time in my life I've ever done this, instead of getting out there in the sun and moving on with my life.

Anyway, it's therapy, I guess.
I feel so much better just knowing there are others out there with similar experiences. We are not all stupid, foolish, gullible women, even though it feels like it. We have probably just lived honest lives and have never been exposed to liars and cheats.

take care

Your post pretty much nails it.

The only differences is that I just broken up with a BF of about a year when I met my liar. He was a lot like yours. Helpful, warm, funny, intellegent blah blah blah! If it was not for the lying he was the perfect man.

I too wonder if he ever really loved me or if I was just a con for the three years I let it continue. I do blame myself in many ways. I knew it almost from the start. The warning signs were there and the red flags were there I just chose to ignore them thinking in the back of my mind that maybe he did just did not trust me yet and had walls built up. What a fool I was. Now I am the one with the walls.

We just have to pick ourselves up and move past it now. I am not knew to messages boards but I am new to talking about how I feel. It is not something I do well but this helps. It keeps me focused on moving forward. It helps me get past the hurt and the anger I have at him and at myself.

I am a 39 year old woman, I should have known better. But like you I had never been exposed to a liar of such magnatude. Another of lifes lessons I guess.

SwtSeattleGrl43 wrote:
Hi everyone! I knew from the biginning what a liar he was,but for whatever reason I stayed with him..hell he wasn't even my type of man..well after 7 yrs ,were just room mates,neither of us can afford to live seperately so we share the same home..I never knew how much money he was making,but u know what? the lies all started coming out,one after the other,hell I would even go behind him and check the places and I would have the truth given to me only for him to say they were lying..I was like omg,your something else..I can't even count how many lies this guy has told me let alone others..if he starts telling a lie and I'm there I'll say to him"when did this happen,I've never heard the story before" then he shuts up..I've had NO trust in him what so ever,never have never will..and as soon as I can move u can be sure it won't be fast enough..

Boy that must be rough. I was lucky. Our lease had expired years ago but we still lived here and paid rent. I got in touch with the land lord while he was in jail and had a new lease drawn up with only my name and my daughters name.

When he got out he came here but I told him he had to leave. He got some of his things but most are still packed on the sun porch. I still have dishes to go through and seperate.

He came right in with a lie, several of them but he must have known by my tone that I was no longer going to ignore them. I have not heard from him since. I know where he is staying but he has not contacted me. Not even one attempt to get back together. Not one call to try and see if we can "work it out". He must know he has to move on to the next sucker.

That just drives it home even more that I was nothing to him other than playing me for a fool. It may sound strange but thinking that way actually helps a little bit.

It's a challenge everyday that he's here..thank-goodness he works or he would drive me more nuts..well good for u for changing the lease..I honestly don't think they care who they hurt because as u had said there is another sucker who they will prey on..my ex would have nothing if it wasn't for me,but do u think he appreciate anything,no! as long he is happy thats all that matter,but if it's the last thing I do,he'll have nothing but what he came into the relationship with which is very little..

You are so right they move onto another sucker like you never happened,but they dont change the routine they just do it to that person until they realise and start digging. My ex partner made up stories about being in the army! He has a muscle wasting disease (not immediately apparent) so I found that hilarious, what army was that the Barmy Army!!!! A British saying.

SwtSeattleGrl43 wrote:
It's a challenge everyday that he's here..thank-goodness he works or he would drive me more nuts..well good for u for changing the lease..I honestly don't think they care who they hurt because as u had said there is another sucker who they will prey on..my ex would have nothing if it wasn't for me,but do u think he appreciate anything,no! as long he is happy thats all that matter,but if it's the last thing I do,he'll have nothing but what he came into the relationship with which is very little..

My liar also did not have much stuff and the stuff he did have was very old. I think he got most of it when his grandparents died. Most of the tools he bought he did so while we were together with my hard earned money. I can not tell you the times he bid on some job and then needed some tool to be able to do it. From simple paint brushs to large saws.

I did more packing of his stuff yesterday. Now MY bedroom and MY kitchen is liar free. There is only some stuff in the basement which I am not going to waste my time packing. Let him pack his own stuff but then again I just want it out so I may do that this weekend anyway. That way he has no reason to even access the house other than to get his stuff from the sun porch.

I only gave back what he came in with which was mostly garbage anyway. Why he kept cracking Tupperware from 1960 is mystery.

It makes me angry because a lot of his tools he would not have is it was not for me. I wish I could sell them, I could really use the cash, but I legally can't.

He has made no effort to get any of his stuff and I am hearing rumours from where he lives now that he is pulling the exact same stuff there that he did when we met. He does not have money because he has no jobs so he cleans and cooks and makes himself look like an awesome person for helping around the house. That is all fine and dandy but it does not pay the bills. It just drives it home more that is is really a con and he just repeats it where ever he goes.

Hello Elkaydee

I've just read a few of your posts. It's heart- breaking to hear you say you feel like the one not worthy of being loved. You are so worthy!

It's so obvious reading all these stories that these men have a way of chipping away at your self-respect because they are so convincing in their lies, and you doubt your own beliefs because you believe them. You start to doubt your own sanity because what they keep telling you is so unbelievable, and yet your every day experience of having to somehow make ends meet TELLS you that he is lying.

My husband can lie his way out of any situation and make the lies sound so plausible that people fall for it, over and over again. My father is a well-respected doctor and my husband, who works in Finance, talked him into buying all this IT equipment on finance. My father is not stupid, but these con-men are sooooo clever. Please, stop feeling it's your fault or that you are in any way to blame.

I told him to leave my home two weeks ago. With every day that has gone by, terrifying as it has been for me, I feel myself getting stronger and stronger, because I know I am on the way back. I'm starting to believe in my own judgment, my own opinions and my own self again. I feel stronger because he's not here, he can't control me, what I think, who I see, where I go, what I spend.

My husband tried to control every aspect of my life, to the point that I was terrified to even clothe myself for fear he would discover I had spent some money on myself.

I know it's hard. It's so hard to take that step to leave or to kick him out. I took that first step two weeks ago, and I must say, I have been through hell emotionally. But today, I woke up and I felt alive and energised for the first time in 4 years. I look ahead to my future without him and I am so glad I won't be having to put up with his lies.
Take the first step, and then the next....
I hope this helps you.