E Dub wrote:
I am the 'husband' in this case responding to your message. Not your husband or any of the respondents' husband but a 'husband' who is a compulsive liar.


I wanted to Thank You for your post.
In many ways it helped me.

Elkaydee wrote:
I just read your post about your partner ALWAYS lieing about the money.... Please somebody help me!!!!

I am so sorry you are going through all this. I can not imagine what it is like with small children. I have had hard times and we some how made it through but I did not have to deal with a liar when my kids were little.

Well, he is gone for now. We got in an argument last night and I called the police on him. He had a felony warrant so they took him away.

I am sitting here on less than two hours sleep trying to figure out how to pick myself up and the pieces of my life.

My mother and my daughter are very supportive.

One half of me is so releived he is gone and the other part of me is scared.

I think back now and I realize it was not just lies about money it was a lie about everything. I am not sure how to even put it in words. He lied about EVERYTHING. Every day, Every hour, Every minute, Every thing about him was a lie.

He has been using me for over three years. I don't feel now I can ever trust again. It was just so real but it was not real. I think actors on TV are more real than he is...was.

It is over and I do not have one shred of energy left.

I feel like one of the dumbest people on earth. Everyone else saw it, hell I saw it, but I did not have the courage to face it.

I know they say that time heals all wounds but this scar will stay forever.

Hi..omg your story sounded just like mine..My ex-fiance has lied so many times about his smoking,I catch him red handed and he would still look me in the eye and lie..as I was getting to know him I thought to myself,wow! this guy has done alot for his 43yrs of age..and the ex g/f's he had..I could go on forever..They can't get help because they lie why they r at the therapist..

I can't believe the relief I feel reading all your messages. I've been living with my husband, who is the most charming, delightful, sociable person, for four years. It's only now I realise what is a compulsive liar he is. I've been denying it to myself all this time.
I have been through exactly what you describe, with the financial stress of never knowing how much money is coming in or when, and him always claiming it was going to be thousands, not just a few thousand, but he would say things like, 'there's going to be fifty thousand coming in next month, and another thirty thousand the month after, and all the bills will be wiped". He would always tell me not to worry about the debts and bills that were never paid, because he knew the huge income was "out there" but that I just didn't see the bigger picture. We had loans that we couldn't pay and we were evicted from out house because our rent was always late.
For so long, I didn't even admit to myself that he was lying, and it has only been over the past 12 months, as I've gradually stopped believing all the lies, not just about money, but about everything, that he has stopped loving me and has completely withdrawn his affection.
Four months ago, I caught him out in two extraordinary lies: he said he had to go away on business trips but my gut feeling told me he was lying. I found out he wasn't where he said he'd been, but I was unable to get the truth from him, even through months of counselling. After four months of absolute anguish, thinking I was losing my sanity, and with levels of stress and anxiety that have practically incapacitated me, I finally discovered the truth about a double life he's been leading. He's been seeing another woman, concocting the most elaborate web of lies to her and neglecting to tell her he was married.
It's absolutely unbelievable, but once you finally know the truth about the lies (if that makes sense) you can start to get your life back.
My drama is still very fresh. I kicked him out of my home ten days ago because of his infidelity and I am still so shocked, anxious and despairing, but I know anything will be better than living with a person with so little moral value or integrity. I just can't believe I put up with it for so long and made excuses for him in my own mind, because I loved him so much. A very difficult lesson and one I will be paying the price for financially and emotionally for years, I dare say. I wish I could just press a button and stop loving him.

Gullible wrote:
I can't believe the relief I feel reading all your messages.

Although this board is not a busy one it does help to read it. Especially to go back and read my own posts..

It has been two and half weeks since my liar has been gone and at times it has gotten rough but it is getting easier.

I am broke and I have to borrow money from my mom and my kids but even as bad as that feels it does not feel as bas as getting lied to everyday.

I know I will bounce back and so will you.

I thought it would be harder and that I would miss him but to be quite honest I had to keep reminding myself that it was all a lie. I fell for a con artist and a liar. It never seemed that way while I was in it but the longer I am away from it the clearer it has become.

I feel anger more than I feel hurt. Angry at myself for falling for it but I just have to pick myself up and move on.

As each day passes it gets a little easier. I am getting my life back and everyday that passes makes my life with out him seem normal. It was certainly not normal for the past three years even if I tried to convince myself it was.

Confidence in myself is coming back and it is a good feeling. It will come back for you too and we will both be stronger people.

Hang in there.

Hi everyone! I knew from the biginning what a liar he was,but for whatever reason I stayed with him..hell he wasn't even my type of man..well after 7 yrs ,were just room mates,neither of us can afford to live seperately so we share the same home..I never knew how much money he was making,but u know what? the lies all started coming out,one after the other,hell I would even go behind him and check the places and I would have the truth given to me only for him to say they were lying..I was like omg,your something else..I can't even count how many lies this guy has told me let alone others..if he starts telling a lie and I'm there I'll say to him"when did this happen,I've never heard the story before" then he shuts up..I've had NO trust in him what so ever,never have never will..and as soon as I can move u can be sure it won't be fast enough..

Hi 'In same boat'

You're right, it does fill you with such a sense of shame, that you were taken in so badly by such a con man. And I feel guilty in many ways too because, of course, my husband wasn't all bad. He has many wonderful qualities, like a great sense of humour, intelligence, he is interesting, warm, engaging and loving when he wants to be. And he has supported me, looked after me and been a wonderful father to my son.

But the thing that stands out from reading everyone's stories is how living with a liar destroys your confidence.
When I met him, I was a young widow with a 5 year old child. I was still recovering from the loss of my much beloved husband but I had tried to rebuild my life. I had regained a lot of my confidence that grief and loss destroys and I was moving on.

Maybe he really did love me for the things he saw in me at the time. But living with him gradually chipped away at my confidence and all my life's motivation. When you are constantly being lied to, you lose that inner core of strength and self belief. At least I did. I stopped seeing people, going out, doing the things I enjoy. It was like all life's pleasures had been sucked away from me and I could never quite work out how that happened.
I look in the mirror now and I see an overweight, miserable woman with no self esteem and I feel like such a sad sack, sitting here writing on a chat line, the first time in my life I've ever done this, instead of getting out there in the sun and moving on with my life.

Anyway, it's therapy, I guess.
I feel so much better just knowing there are others out there with similar experiences. We are not all stupid, foolish, gullible women, even though it feels like it. We have probably just lived honest lives and have never been exposed to liars and cheats.

take care