its been 18 months since i found out about hubbys flings both out on the town and online.
i still cant deal with this and all day and even in my dreams i see him leaving me and me killing myself.
weve been married 7 years and have 2 kids together. im so hurt and angry i never smile and look so sad and drawn.
i have no where else to turn please help.

i had suspected for a couple of months that there was someone else he was either on the net at all hours talking to the 43 women he had on a secret msn account are out with his mates from work who i knew cheated often.
the day i found out i opened his itemised phone bill (hed been hiding his phone out of my sight). she was a local woman who hed met on a night out. she denyed knowing him ect. he tryed to lie his way out then admitted hed been ringing texting her and had kissed her but nothing else. 4 weeks later he went to meet one of his online women but he says she never turned up.
i feel discusted with myself for letting this happen.
i thought we were so happy content even.
his excuse was i wasnt spending time with him or showing him any affection.
i cant spend time with him if hes talking online all day and then working everynight, but we always found time for sex at least 4 times a week. well i fell pregnant at the time all this was happening. my daughter was born 6 months ago and shes not well her skin is bad and we have been told we have suspected marfans syndrome in the family now and it looks like both me and her have it.
my head is a mess.
he has tryed and no more internet that i know of but he was so addicted by these women and the lies and selfish beneifits. how can i ever trust him again.
i sometimes cringe when he touches me but hes the only man i have truely loved and i still picture him doing what he does to me to other women it makes me feel so dirty.
how can he have respect for me when he can do all this ?

1st things 1st, those kids! You need to focus on those kids and be there for them. You said you dream about killing yourself, this is a big worry! If you are having these kind of feelings you need to seek perfessional help! Do you want those kids to grow up without there mom? No man, no matter what, is worth your life.

These feelings will eventually fade away as long as you confront the issue and not try to cover it up. You have to face this head on in order to be ok.

Please really think about this kids when you feel this way.
Please dont do anything that will hurt those kids.

im not going mad, ive just given up on life altogether. im making everyone around me uncomfortable because im so miserable. even my kids know theres something wrong because mummys so sad all the time.
i cant believe whats happened to me, i used to be so strong. nothing and no-one every held me back. where have i gone?
the more i think about the situation the worse i get.
he thinks i should just draw a line and forget about it. i dont want my husband to leave me but i also dont want my kids to grow up with a shell of a mother thats dead inside.

It sounds to me like you have slipped into a depression and the only way to get yourself out is to get professional help. Please, for those kids get some help. If you dont have the money some couselors will do a slidding scale based off your pay, churches also offer free help alot.

Your right, you dont want your kids growing up with a shell for a mother. You have to take the steps to get better so that you can find yourself again. You need to make the effort yourself, no one will do it for you.

It really concerns me that you are feelings this way. I know that what you have gone through is life changing and very difficult to handle but you have to step up and face reality and fix whatever is going on inside of you so that you can be a good mother to those kids.

Please, I dont know you, but please seek help. Get help from someone. The good part is that you recognize that there is a problem, now the next step is to fix it.

If you want to stay with your husband thats fine but he has to know what is wrong with you. You need to seek help for yourself but also for your marriage. You cant live your life in misery. You will miss out on all the fun things in life if you do this. You want to be able to smile when your kids do something great. If you are depressed your kids will know and they will figure out that they cant come to you for anything because no matter what they do you wont care.

For the sake of yourself and those kids get help!

my god leanne,something very similar happend to me,iīve been with my husband for 7 years too,we planned my pregnency,my baby is 3 months now,and last month i found out about his secret email account and msn list(huge list by the way),i talked to one of the women on the fone,she gave me details,says she wants nothing to do with him and he used to tell her i was a mean bitch,and apperantly he didnīt know if he wanted to be with me or not,(news to me)oh yeah and he told her that i cheated on him,poor thing..anyway basically he had this list,and was trying very hard to meet everyone on it(while i was home taking care of our baby).The thing is he was always the one running after me,except when i got pregnent,then he became distant,and now i know why.. at first i cried my oyes out,out of rage,then self pity,shock,now i realise i canīt trust him..and maybe he really doesnīt believe that he loves me,but i think he is a very sick man,and i believe he DID IT AND LIKED IT,therefor will never stop..and i finaly learned to let go,(iīm very possessive)and understand that heīs not MINE,and heīs already filthy,i already lost him,now itīs time to let him worry about losing me,first to another man(i know itīs gonna kill him)then from his life..he says heīll never do it again,i say fuck it,iīm getting back on my feet,figure out a way to take good care of my baby without him,and they itīs pay back time..so now heīs freaking out..so leanne really all you need is confidence,heīs NOT leaving you,so u get back on your feet and kick his ASS!!

by the way the women he got ivolved with were pretty UGLY, i donīt understand why he would cheat down,i thought the whole point of cheating was to get with something better then what u have at home..!anyway that the reason i think heīll never change,because heīll fuck anything..