Hello All, Well, I guess you can delete every message I've posted here about recovery and making a marriage work after infidelity. What a fool I am. I am crushed beyond words and feel as though I have fallen off the face of the earth.

Yesterday I was made aware that my husband, the one that has professed to me, endlessly, repeatedly and adamently that there were no more hidden lies or other woman, had been having a sexual affair with atleast one other woman for years. It's too long a story to explain how I discovered this, and I am too exhausted this morning to go into it. I am devastated...that would be putting it mildly. We have been in counseling for over a year, weekly, I have trusted him again. Oh my God, I can't even believe this is happening to me. I just can't believe it.

There may be others that he has not admitted to either himself or to me. I don't know. I will never know probably. He has lied to our counselor for over a year....this man has some very, very serious problems. It's a sickness. I am so besides myself I can barely think straight. My life...the life I thought I had...thought I had put enough energy into repairing and recovering and forgiving and bearing the pain...well that life is now over. My live as I worked so hard to have, is over. I wish someone could squeeze me and make this pain go away...it's beyond bearable. As if the first day of discovery over a year ago wasn't enough pain...this...this...I can't even describe the pain. It's beyond my imagination.

I am going away for a while to be alone. I am so confused and scared and hurt and angry. This is as if someone took the knife out of my heart and then stabbed me over and over again. I will never, ever recover from this and the pain and scars it has caused will affect every day of my life until it ends. The sick and pathetic problem in addition to all this is...I loved that man will all my heart and soul. He was my life. M

I am so sorry you are going through so much pain. This may not help you now, but I always believe that the turmoil and pain we go through make us that much stronger.

It sounds like you did everything you could to make it work. Try to stay strong, and don't let him get the better of you. As hard as it is try to keep the chin up and focus on yourself and your future.

Marie,
My heart goes out to you....I have read some of your posts and you were always so dedicated to your marriage, your relationship. I really don't understand MEN and how they think. Can you ever really trust them? My thoughts and prayers are with you now and I know you are strong and can get through this. Keep in touch and let us know how you are doing.

Oh my gosh I am so sorry. Dont get down on yourself because despite what just happened to you all the advice that you have ever posted on this site has been so helpful to so many, including myself.

Marie, please listen to me, your words are so helpful and heartfelt you cant stop helping others. I know that this has got to be so hard on you but please dont give up.

I have read your stories and I have taken your advice. Your husband has done some horrible things to you and I know that you have put your heart into the recovery the 1st time. You are a strong women and you will get through this. You know that its going to take sometime for you to get over this but one day you will be happy again. I am so sorry this happened to you because you were the one that gave everyone else hope on this site. Whenever they asked if people can change you always had something positive to say and he stabed you in the back again. I am so sorry, my heart goes out to you.

I will be thinking of you and if you need anything you know where to find me.

Marie, stay strong, for the rest of us please stay strong. You are an inspiration & your words ring so true. Listen to yourself, go back and read what you have written for other people because regardless of what he did you still give wonderful advice. Sometimes its not so easy to practice what we preach ( I am guilty of that) but you really do have wonderful words that have help so many. You are a wonderful person and a strong women. You will make it, you will be ok!

I am so sorry to hear your news. Men that cheat never cease to amaze me with how much they lie and how good they are at it. There is no shame in falling in love with someone even if they turn out to be a liar and a cheat. The problem lies with him and his sexual addiction. His behavior is not a reflection of you, of what you do or don't do. This is his weight to bear, let him carry it. You didn't do anything wrong. I'm praying for your strength.

Marie,
The stupid decision your husband made is NO REFLECTION ON YOU AS A PERSON. Don't look down on yourself and don't see yourself as a failure because of his foolish decision.

I know you hurt, but this hurt will pass. You will be able to trust and love again! And, he will regret his choice and call it a mistake, just prepare yourself for this!

For now, you know deep down inside, that you are a good person, and you do deserve better! Do what you need to do to help yourself heal! No man (no one) is worth the mental torment you're putting yourself through right now.

THE ODD THING IS...that today I made our first appointment for my husband and I to see a marriage counselor. He is a compulsive liar, and he acknowledges this. After I spoke to the counselor on the phone for a bit, I told him a little of our history, and he said that my husband will probably require more therapy than just the marriage counseling because of his compulsive lying. After the phone conversation, I told my husband all the info the therapist told me and I made it a point that we are going in with a clean slate, and he needn't lie to himself or to the therapist, otherwise healing will not take place, and our marriage is over.

My dear...this horrible experience and your hurt are not in vain. It has prepared me with a new vision. A vision of "hope for the best and expect the worst." Please be kind to yourself and let go of the resentment, anger and all that's weighing your heart down. It only ends up hurting you and those that care about you.

You are not alone. We are here for you comforting each other with kind words of wisdom and having these situations in common.

A BIG hug, and an abundant blessing of peace to you.

Keep us informed my friend. We do care!
Laura