Hi everyone.
I've been married to my soulmate and love of my life for three years. We now have a beautiful 2 year old daughter and I have a great
During those three years I've lied about some many things and been caught on everything. As i result I fear I've lost any chance of her trusting me again and also fear I may have lost her love and respect.
The things I've lied about have ranged from giving up smoking to lying about being at strip-clubs. I've lied about paying bills, I've lied about porn. All the lies are so stupid and she is the most understanding and caring wife I could ever wish for. The deceit devastates her and as a results makes me so depressed that I can't eat because I feel sick to my stomach.
As i said, she always finds out. Then she always gives me an opportunity to come clean, but I still try to blag my way out. Then we argue, she feels so terribly hurt, I feel feel terrible.
I always promise to change, and I mean it at the time of saying it. However, usually a couple of months go by and before I even know it, I'm hiding something or lying about something again.
She's given me so many chances and I'm sure by now my promises mean so little to her. I'm at my wits end and so angry with myself. I so desparately want to regain her trust but I know that might take years.
I love our life together. We’re very similar people. I think I’ve pin-pointed my lying down to reasons of shame and embarrassment. We both have sexual addictions, amongst other things, and she is totally honest and open to me about it. I, on the other hand, still feel embarrassed about certain aspects. I admire her honesty and so want to be like her.
I desparately hope I haven’t lost her.
So please, any advice or encouragement is appreciated.

My wife is lazythrillseeker and has also posted on here.

Hi, it's strange that you can both be so ravishingly honest on here and you have both identified yoursleves and told everyone in cyberspace about your penchant for porn and your addicitons .

Why not read the responses your wife has had to some of her concerns and then you can see if you can do any of the suggested things that other people have advised.

It would seem that you're both kindred spirits live fast live hard slam in the rock and roll but what you both seem to lack curiously is the ability to share these desires, and freedoms TOGETHER . She's your wife and you have a child who must take priority in all of this . I have a very radical idea for you both : PUT your two year old daughter first and everything else will just ease into shape.

I'm puzzled that you can be so open about really personal and intimate parts of your relationship and are clearly identified by each other and various posters on the site but you can't sit down together and work it all out . I'm sure if you stop focusing on you you you and start thinking about your little girl and the stuff that's really important : stuff that lasts longer than a subversive thrill or an exotic escapade at a strip club or some hot cyber moments you will come clean about your feelings and start thinking about what really matters.

Bonne Chance .

I am the wife of a chronic liar, hoping that the divorce will be final soon. I know that you are looking for encouragement, but I would hate to paint a rosy picture, when it isn't always the case. I put up with my husband's lies for years (we were married for 3 years, dated for 7 years before that). I was the understanding, caring wife who trusted her husband (when I should not have). He lied about some similar things that you state that you have- smoking, where he spent his time, and paying bills. He has destroyed me financially.
I can't explain what caused me to hit the point to file for divorce. It's almost as if there was a "bullshit threshold" that when it was hit, that was the final straw. "THE" lie that pushed me over the edge was not necessarily a bigger lie than all of the others, was just the final lie.
Take this information for what it is worth- an explanation from someone on the other end of the lies. I am now separated, counting down to my divorce being final, and am feeling relieved to be away from all of the dishonesty and deceit. I recommend making some serious changes in your life before the "bullshit threshold" becomes something that affects you.

Two things, stop the blagging your way out of the times you are found out. Being honest is VERY liberating.
Secondly, it is good to have someone who can be a role model,but it is more likely to succeed by being be yourself, changed for the better.

I give you credit that you reconize that you have a problem! The first step is admitting! Good for you and I wish you the best & I hope you get the help that you need to make yourself a better person!!

Diane

Hi,
I was a Liar. I still battle with it daily. The moment you find yourself lying, PLEASE correct yourself, even if it is 5 - 10 min later. You will find, as I have that it is the basis of fighting the fear (whatever it may be) that makes us lie. It also is a way to build the respect for your effort and willingness to change. It is all that you can do. Unfortunatly your wife may never trust you again, but dont give her reason to not to. Be up front with how you think and feel, talk with her, Believe in yourself.
Don't expect reward for being honest. Life with out lying is so much brighter and rewarding, you will see, just have to be resposible and let time take it course.
I wish you and your family a brighter, happy and Healthy Life.