A little history: Married 4 years, he has 3 kids from a previous marriage, he's ALWAYS been a compulsive liar that has no integrity with anyone because they all know that he lies by omission, imbellishment or all out lies about the facts in general, only to make himself "look better."
ON THE OTHER HAND: His children love me, they were abandoned by their mother and find "mother" in me. I love them more than they'll ever know. I've sacrificed for him and for them. I married him KNOWING full well about his terrible lying habit. Why, you ask? Because I loved his children. MISTAKE, I know, but I'm here. I call him on his lies everytime because I trust my "gut feeling" in which is 98% correct!

After marrying him on the sad foundation of mistrust, I constantly would ask him if he was being faithful. He would answer, "Of course. There's no one else in the world for me. You're the only woman I want and love." About a month ago, these feelings got EXTREMELY strong, so all night long, I begged and pleaded with him to tell me the truth...he finally nodded his head after begging on my knees to him. He said it happened a year ago when he was out of town on business. He asked me to forgive him, and I said, "I forgave you when God told me what you had done." But if you say ONE MORE LIE to me, you're out of here! And I meant it! Since then, I believe he's been honest with me about everything, but I don't feel that he's truly remorseful for his stupidity. During a conversation the other night, he said some disturbing things. He told me, "You need to get over this already because I'm getting tired of your jealousy. You've always been jealous, since I met you! Because of your constant badgering me about cheating on you, I thought 'I'm doing the time, may as well do the crime.' And it's because of your constant accusations that I did it." CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS? *whew* okay...Now, I won't give up that quick. True love is worth pursuing and sacrificing yourself...TO A POINT. I told him that this marriage is no long about his kids. It's about him and me. I said to him that if I even SUSPECT a lie, he will have to find a place to live for him and for them. Hard situation.

WHAT SHOULD I SAY TO HIM?
HOW CAN WE FIX OUR MARRIAGE (OTHER THAN COUNSELING THAT WE'LL BE SEEKING)?
HOW CAN I EVER TRUST HIM AGAIN?
WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

Hi there . You find yourself in a tough situation but if your gut reaction is to follow it through why don't you give it one last shot?

counselling will help you both and it's wonderful that you have been mom to his kids but now you have to focus on yourself and do what is right for you first and then everyone else.

Sacrifice yes but your whole life for a stream of never ending lies that can't be right .

Both of you need to want to change hhim the lieing and you being the door mat all the time .

whatever road you go down I hope it's the right one for you.

All the best to you.

I dont believe for one minute that because of your accusations he cheated, thats a cop-out! But on the other hand i know what it feels like to be accused all the time by your partner. It wears you down tears you apart. My husband has accused me for years of cheating, when in fact I have been nothing but faithful to him and sacraficed a hell of a lot for him. All these years of accusations have not made me cheat so that is all a bunch of crap.

Really at this point counseling is your only hope. There is nothing that you can say to make him change, he has to want to change. Something drastic is going to have to happen in order for him to see reality. All you can do from here is self help books. Really these books are wonderful and help you understand why things happen in a relationship. I would just say to focus on yourself and make sure that you are truly happy. Its amazing the love that you must have for those kids, I just hope that whatever happens between you and him that you will still always be there for those kids.

Not trusting your husband is death to your relationship. You have heard it all before that a relationship is built on friendship and trust. If your missing one then your relationship will never last. When you married him you didnt trust him so whats so different now? i understand you wanting to be there for the kids but at the same time you have sacraficed your own happiness.

Focus on you and take care of yourself. The rest will fall into place one way or the other.

You guys are awesome. Thank you for the wise words...keep them coming! I'm going to print these up and show my husband as soon as I've received plentiful responses.

Tell me what you would do in my case, and how you would deal with it. Please help me. ALL responses are appreciated.

KEEP 'EM COMING PLEASE, I NEED ALL THE HELP I CAN GET!

Blessings to you and yours.

Hi, I'm glad you're having the Counselling and appreciate you taking the time to respond to my post. I wasn't so lucky and am having a hard time letting go of the anger and frustration in my heart right now . I noticed that you are able to put the past behind you and are very positive about the future . I think that's a great way of dealing with life and wonder how you do it so easily ? My ex BF really hurt me then after I had tried healing myself he reappears and it starts all over again.

Anyway this is about you , so I just wanted to say thanks for your inspiration and I 'm really pleased you and your husband are getting to work things out .

All the best

Serena

Serena,
Letting go is a matter of choice. You have to decide that carrying around this baggage of dispair is not worth hanging on to!

I personally, rely on God for peace, comfort, joy and love. I trust only in my heavenly Father for all of these things, not to mention the ability to overcome. I decided, "I don't want this. I can't deal with it. God, it's yours. You take it from me and fix it." And He's doing it! I don't quite know what His will is for my husband and I, but I have faith in knowing that it will be for the better. In Romans 8:28 it reads, "All things work for good for those who love the Lord." And that's me.

Having you wonderful people on this site is also very helpful, because I don't feel alone. Your kind words and experiences don't go in vain, we all learn from each other.

Let me know if there's anything I can help you with. In the meantime, I will be praying for you to overcome this mountain of pain that has been put before you by your boyfriend. In 10 years, you'll be wondering, "Who was that guy?"

Stay strong and don't let yourself fall into a depression. That's when things will get really bad for you, and you deserve the best.

Laura