I need to come clean with my boyfriend of 2 years, when I was 19 I had a son with my then husband, yes I was a child having a child. Our marriage did not last and when we parted my son stayed with his father, he was 3. I have never had a relationship with either since. I was not in a good emotional place at that time or for many years after. I have been better the last 4 years or so and begun to get myself together with a good job and a nice life that I think I deserve. I have paid child support for numerous years and just recently changed jobs. Well the court mailed a copy of my agreement to have my child support taken out of my paycheck to my home with the boyfriend who did not know about my son. I carried on the lie all weekend but have to have the converstation tonight. I don't even know where to begin. Any thoughts.

You need to just come clean. Let me ask you how can you manage to not have any contact with your own child? Why didnt you tell your boyfriend about him, are you ashamed of him? I dont mean to come down on you but I am just wondering how you have the strength to stay away from him.

If your boyfriend doesnt understand that you have a child then maybe he isnt who you want anyways. There is nothing to be ashamed of and you need to just tell him the truth. he has a right to know who he is dating.

Oh gosh this is a tricky one . The positive over all this is that you are going to do the decent thing and let him know .

My gut feeling is that although you are in a tricky situation at times like this blunt real honesty is the best way forward and you should try to be as direct as you can without skirting the issue .

I think the main problem he is going to have with this is as a mom regardless of how old you were at the time you owe your child some support , some time and some loving that is not financial . He might think that if you're capable of cutting ties like that with your own child whate else might you be able to do .

On a larger scale this is as much about how you view the next stage in your relationship with your child as wellas with your current Partner.

Is there any way you can start involving yourself more in your child's life or at least explain to your partner why you could so easily live without seeing your child grow up.

I don't mean to judge this situation but if it were my BF I know the questions he'd be asking wouldn't be directed so much at having a child ; it would be how could you live without that child in your life on any level and this would be unnerving .

Be honest , be sincere .

I wish the best for you and hope that you will strike up some kind of rapport with your child in the future for both of your sakes .

At the time that I left my child with his father it was in his best interest. I was not able to care for him let alone myself. It might have been selfish but I know that I could not feed him or keep a roof over his head. And as long as I have had a job I have always paid child support. And as far as being in his life I live over a thousand miles away now partly because I had to remove myself from the things there that kept me in the bad place mentally that caused me to consider sucide and to live on the streets for a short time. no excuse for not telling my now boyfriend but I had not told anyone in my life because of my fear of judgement.

Be honest. Be open. Apologize. If you lose him, you will find another. You will one day want in to your son's life, and by you helping support him, shows me (as a mom) that you are not letting him go. If your boyfriend forgives you for lying by omission, then he is worth keeping. It's hard when you have a relationship under false pretenses because your foundation is not built on trust. Maybe it's fixable, maybe not. Such is life. Be honest...LIFE WILL CONTINUE GIRL! PRAY FOR STRENGTH...GOD IS YOUR ONLY HELP.

I understand your fear of being judged but at the same time there is so much technology why cant you call him? I know this post didnt have as much to do about your son as it does your boyfriend but why? Why are you more concered about your boyfriend?

Again I dont want to pass judgement as I know what its like to be in a bad spot. I understand what its like to live on the streets and have nothing. But me, I got pregnant during that time and some how god guided me in the right direction. I showed myself, my daughter and the whole world that even with nothing I could be a wonderful mother. My daughter has never gone without anything because me as a mother gave her everything, even my last bit of food went to her. I just wish that you could at least call your son and talk to him. Remind him that you didnt leave because of him but because of the situation. He needs to know that from his mom. I have heard you say you pay child support but that money doesnt comfort him, hold him, talk to him or even give him what he needs from a mother. I am sure that you know all of this and I am sure that you went through a hard time when you had to leave. But how can you stay away knowing that your missing his first day of school, learning to tie his shoes, or when he learned how to write his name for the first time?

I am not passing judgement just giving you some food for thought.this boyfriend of yours doesnt compair to the relationship that you need to fix with your son. I believe in my heart that a child always comes first before anyone, including yourself. This is such a sad story.

If your boyfriend doesnt understand the situation then it wasnt meant to be with him anyways. A real man will love his women regardless of whether she has children or not. My husband met me when my daughter was 1 1/2 old. He accepted her from the beginning and now she is all his, she carries his name and he is the only father that she knows. Never once did he turn his back on me because of her, he always stood next to us both proud to have both of us. You boyfriend will either except this or he wont either way the truth has to be told you cant keep lying about. One day your son will come looking for you and want answers, if you never told your partner about it then years down the line its going to be a lot hard to explain.

Good luck and I hope that you pick up the phone and call that little boy.