Yikes ! I need some advice so if anyone's got any feel free to post :

Me and my former boyfriend split a few months ago. About a week a go he sent me an email saying he wanted to "talk".
The question is : Do I or don't I call ? I'm getting ready to go on a mammoth trip and wonder is this the right thing to do now ?

All the misery, all the deleted secnes it's all coming back with a thump to me . Am nervous about what he's gong to say and whether I should put myself through that whole thing .

Any ideas would be really helpful.

Thanks .

Its hard to tell without knowing a little history. was he violant? Did he cheat on you? Was he a liar? Did things end on a bad note with you guys?

Maybe he just wants to talk, if thats the case and you want to do it then do it. Just talk to him and see what he has to say. The worst that can happen is you waste an hour of your time. Sometimes meeting again is not so bad it either opens a new door or it closes an old one.

Good Luck

Why did you break up in the first place? Did he cheat on you? Do you think that you would want to give him another chance? If you do not, AT ALL, I would suggest not calling him. You might be opening yourself up for more hurt.

It is a chance that you're taking by doing this, but possibly a needless one...and as I said before, if you do not want this guy anymore. If you do, then go for it, but keep your guard up, and don't fall for any deceitful words.

Good luck to you.

Thanks guys this was really helpful . I'm not due to speak with him until Friday so I guess I'll fill you in a little .

He was emotionally absent from the relationship . That's the nicest way of putting it . He was always criticial of anything and everything I did : "The house is not clean enough", "you can't cook". He would then complain about clothes I dressed in , or how my hair was styled . I think it was a control thing but then I was never allowed to ask about why he was late, secret telephone calls, long long hours at work and he was very tight about his privacy . I wasn't able to ask anything about my suspicions .

This very unhealthy situation continued until one day I got a note literally two lines shoved underneath the front porch and it said : "This is not working please leave". I don't know why but I just did it. I left and went back to my family and started over. I tried calling him lots of times just after I left and this woman kept answering and making out I had the wrong cell number . Then one of his work friends called me because her sister went to college with me and she wanted to meet up and she told me another woman was there living with him.When I tried calling him at work to let him know I knew everything he refused to take my calls. He said he would not respond to any abuse or any of my hysterical allegations . We never spoke from that day forward. That was some time ago.

I'm sure at the time I really loved him but now those feelings have gone .Still I feel really nervous about talking to him. I always seemed to be running after him chasing him at work, chasing him on his cell . I wonder if I should really go ahead with the call. He emailed me today and said we should talk but it has to be either late at night or early in the morning because he works !I thought that was kind of wierd as he had asked to speak in the first place then to reinforce it like that?

Well I still have a couple of days to think about it ! Thanks once again for your views they're really helpful and appreciated.

After hearing a little backround on your relationship its a good thing your not with him anymore. The way you describe it he was cheating, controlling and a total ass. So if you go through with this talk just go into it knowing that you will never again be with him. That way you have a clear mind to hear what he has to say. I would probably still go through with the talk just out of couriosity I guess. If your feelings for him are gone then maybe it will be easy for you to just listen.

Dont let him back into your life! It is a little strange that he wants to talk to you now but couldnt even talk to you face to face when you broke up. If it was that easy for you to just leave then maybe you were completely unhappy in the relationship anyways.

Maybe this is just away for you both to put an end to this chapter in your life, so to speak.

Good luck and when you talk to him just keep reminding yourself about the way it was with him, that might help you stay strong.

Dear Sawinski ,

I just want to say a heartfelt HUGE Thank you to you for your feedback . It was so helpful and has given me the strength and support I need for that call.

Not only have you made perfect sense of the situation but reminded me how heavy and cloudy I use to feel when living with him and how long it has taken me to rebuild my self esteem.

You are so selfless in your time and I wish that all your dreams and wishes come true and those of your children and theirs in the future and so on! Well you get the idea blessings to you and your family for taking the time to give .

Huge Thanks to others who very kindly responded to me also. God bless you all. I'll of course have to let you know what happened !