Hi, I find myself in a difficult situation and wonder if anyone out there has had similar experiences or can offer me any advice on how to deal with this :

I met and fell in love with a man on line . It was unusual for me to even be on line but for some reason I was that day and our relationship blossomed from there on. He lived in the US and I live in Europe .

I use to have a successful and varied career but was suffering professional and financial dificulties at the time I met him. Regardless we were as open and honest with each other as two people could be.

Some months later I flew to the US and met him and his family . They were on the surface pleasant and kind but something wasn't right . I soon had a clash with his younger sister who would always send over her GF's to date him or arrange dates with him. Although I am an educated and independent person I never really knew much about romance or affairs of the heart living a sheltered life and protected by family . His family set a PI on me trying to find out stuff baout me but I had already told him everything about myself . When he found out he told me but felt his parents were justified as he claimed he had "assets" to protect . Frankly from what I saw of how he lived and his lifestyle I would say he was comfortable not fabulously wealthy and was angry that he placed a value on the relationship in this sleazy way. I let it pass I don't know why but I did .

At one of his parent's parties they had some friends over from their new religious group . They made up horrible jokes and mean spitited things about people from other cultures and other races. I demanded to leave but was calmed down and told that his parent;s weren't "like that". Anyway time went on . His sister continued in her dislike for me and demanded some money from her bro' for a car. He said he never had it and blamed me for being there and that it had been utilised on me somehow ? This was not true as I discovered he was already in debt before he even knew me and I had previously told him that I wouldn't visit until things were secure my end financially but he insisted I visit and told me no assured me he was alright financially to do that. I foolishly continued seeing him allowing him to pay but told him that when things change I would refund him . He didn't want repaying he claimed.

Things reached crunch point when he ended the relationship about three weeks ago after asking me to marry him. I have since returned the ring . What upsets me is that there were so many wierd things going on and yet for some reason I could't see it . What is also alarming is that his sister who got "drunk" one night apparently tried to kiss him inapproraitely for a sister and he later confided to me that his family had an alleged history of "incest" in their family and I was freaked out but again let it pass. His si
ster is very close to him and they once shared a 1bed appt for over 6 months . Having seen the space I appreciate it was anice thing for a brother to do but what about privacy and friends when you're together like that. I didn't want to jump to any conclusions but I was told by a mutual friend that she has since moved in again with her brother and I would like him to be frank and open with me about why he broke up : He gave some ridiculous excuses in the email that sound so hollow when you look at the email sent even a week earlier: "Can't wait for you to get here" then suddenly things like : "I don't feel loved by you" and stuff that doesn't sound like him at all. The last email he sent he was trying to ship my stuff back to Europe but by a curious twist of fate my family who live in the US have invited us there long term and we will be relocating shortly . Do I contact him and ask questions or do I simply put these years down to a strange experience ?

I have lost part of myself and wonder why he did this and whether his family and more importantly his sister is behind this ? Any advice would be so appreciated .As I really feel like I'm losing my mind . I could understand if he was honest about it and said I found someone esle or whatever but to leave like that with so many questons unanswered is really mind messing .

Wow ! What a God awful mess . Everything and nothing is going on here . What I would do is ask him right out . You need to hear it from him . There are so many reasons that could have sparked his decision to go : the distance, the sister, the weirdo parents, the finances all or none of these things !

I just think you need to work out in your own mind what's the best option for you. Would you follow this man to the ends of the earth ? Is the way he treated/ left you right ?
Can it ever be right between you ?

Love conquers all but does that include the close ties of sister/brother complexity and will it overcome all the pressure for him to cut you out of his life .

He has done this . He has made his choice but you deserve an answer otherwise you're going to keep hoping for that one day when the sun will come shinning back into your life . That's not going to be him. He made his decision and was chicken enough not to let you know why. One minute he's asking you to get hitched the next his sister is laying claim to him . Do you really want to get involved with such a family ? Maybe his parents hired the PI because they know about their daughter's bizarre behvaiour and wanted to check up on your family situation. This whole "assets" baloney is a bunch of C***, I mean who is he the King of Siam ? That's no way to treat a person , go spying on them the family's a bunch of paranoid nut freaks and you shouldn't get stressed over them. One day he'll wake up smell the coffee and bam he'll remember who's the bigger loser.
Guys who ask you to step up and pay to join the table when they know you're not able to are guys not worth knowing . Would you have asked him if he was honest about his finances . No you were in the dark baout it only later finding out so why should you get the blame.
This guy is bad news and has alot of family problems still for your piece of mind go ask if you can have coffee and talk a little . If he says no forget about it and him day by day ..............

by the looks of this situation the post should be :Where has all the Love Gone ? "

You love him , he loves/ loved you and then something happened and it's a mystery ? No what happened is his interfering family put paid to any future chance of any happiness between you both.

You tried , after all you went over there. Okay you weren't in great financial shape but you told him so what's he crying about ? Why now why not sooner ? Why because they probably put so much pressure on him he was just going to snap . Has he been in touch at all since that fateful day ?
Does he know you're coming over .

It's an epic story of love gone wrong and they're these two hearts which remain brocken . If he hasn't been in touch he's probably over you which means the love wasn't real but this crazy family of snooping magnum Pi wannabes may have taken his cell away and even intercepted his letters and emails .How old is he ? What nationality are they ? Why would they allow people to make fun of other races and cultures what's so great about theirs ? They're clearly not interested in their son's happiness. Does he really think life is rosy without you ? Leaving like that just suggests something major is wrong . A guy with a level head on his shoulders would do as you suggested and say : "Hey I had a great time but ......it's not you it's me " and all those other cliches to leave you abandoned after sending you a dumbass email is just being a D***. You deserve better and you know you do.

I'd forget him , go and live your life and get successful . Controlling men who insult women or controlling women who insult men because they'r egoing trhough a rough time at work and with their finances are stupid . Anything could happen to anyone at any time . So you had some bad luck whatever, you told him about it and his family want to protect his assets . Well he's got no B~~~~ to begin with so seems llike a dud job to me . You're better off without him . Go find a guy who loves you for you not for how much money you can bring to the table because he can't . If he really wanted you he would have tried to move heaven and earth the gu wanted a meal ticket just like a gold digging girl and when he knew you weren't packing in that department he dropped you like a hot poatato . He's a sleaze ball you're better off without him . If you're relocating anywhere near to him drive by and say hi with a super fine guy by your side . Other than that leave him where he is down in the dirt . He's got no morals the man's a sleaze .

I'm a guy with a big heart and little cash but if I had a GF who loved me even half as much as you seemed to : going over there , being with him I would at least try to deliver and I wouldn't beat up on you for not having enough to spend either.

Don't listen to what this guy has said it comes from being dependent on him too long . You said you lost part of you over this get it back and leave him out he's not worth it .
Looks to me like this guy will never be happy as this guy cares too much about what his family think and they may choose him someone next time .

Yep ! He's a messer alright . Similar situation happened with a Gf of mine : on line love struck the he dumped her at the alter . Guys do that sometimes . Best advice leave it to destiny . If you're gonna meet him again it will happen and don't beat yourself up about the sister, the family and all the rest of the loony tunes it was just mean to be a bit of fun for him and your'e the victim.

Chances are he's long gone and doesn't even think about you anymore . Do you deserve better of course so just get on with living .

This was very much like what happened to me a while back and God it really hurt . It's like being bludgeoned on the head and then repepeatedly stabbed in the heart. Okay maybe that was tooo graphic but I've often wondered if I was the only casualty of an on line romance that became manifest in the real world.

Often we strike up images of who our Kinight in shinning armour is and he turns out to be how you describe . I was left with a numbing emptiness because I just couldn't access him to let him know how hurt I was and how what he did was so stunningly cruel. At least when couples fight and argue they tend to do it with each other there and they are able to voice their anger/ hurt/ resentment but in this type of situation you're left wondering why, what could be, what has been. It's such a head mess to leave like that with so many questions unanswered and so many thoughtts running through your brain.

I would never treat someone this way and yet this must be the biggest insult of all to just ignore someone and pretend they never existed and they don't seem to care enough to even say Arriverdeche . Well , I'm a great believer in cosmic resolution and although you must be in terrible pain now , one day he WILL realise that your heart was true , your feelings were real and he was the one who lacked the respect and decency to end things with humilty and feeling.

I wish all the best for you in your career and your future loromances. You will get through it just takes some time.