need help here. had been having a very emotional and sexual relationship with MM for 6 months(he's been married 10 yrs)who claimed his marriage was on the outs. ive been seperated from my husband (i married for 9 yrs) for months but we're not in a huge hurry to divorce because we too have kids but i did move out and buy myself my own house. so, i've become close with this MM and we became best friends and so much more, we have been each others world for 6 months. he told me he and wife haven't been in love for many years, said they have little in common, probably should have never married her, don't sleep in same bed, werent each others soul mates, he gave it 1 to 2 yrs to wrap up financial stuff and let the kids get a little bit older. my issue, he told me i was everything he ever wanted, the whole package, we had incredible chemistry and friendship. saw each other 3-4 times a week and sent many texts throughout every day. my husband hired a P.I. and busted us last week. Now, MM has completely done 360 with regards to his marriage, said he can't lose everything, wants to make marriage work, can't believe he hurt her like this, she's a good person, regrets it all, basically, never wants to see or talk to me again. he told me all of this over the phone because i had to call to see how he was doing and i had just found out he closed his email acct when i tried to send msg, i've been sick with wonder as to if he had even told her, i think he should, my H threatened to tell MM wife so MM said he had no choice, otherwise, prob would have never told her. he said he told her about us 2 nights ago but a few things bother me about this, i'm not quite sure he has even told her or will ever tell her, he also said when he confessed he told her it had only been going on for a couple of months, not 6 mo that it had, and he told her we only had sex 4 times, it has been over 30, and everywhere and anywhere we could, we were both very hot for the other. i told him if he's coming clean to give her all the details including how emotionally attached we were, how we tried to break it off but just couldn't. should i make sure she has all the info? I did just 4 wks ago tell him we could no longer have a sexual relationship until his marriage ended but we have become best friends so we continued to text and see each other without that side of the relationship. any advice would be helpful. when i did that he got p/o, said he though i wanted someone else, he's always been jealous about me and other guys that might look at me twice, what nerve hugh? i feel so heartbroken, alone and empty. i would never have gotten involved in a happily married mans life but he said it was no marriage. he knew i fell in love with him and i had hoped maybe our undeniable feelings and pull to each other would weather the long road of his marriage someday coming to an end and all the stress of his divorce. i was willing to be there and wait, nonsexually but as a BF. i know in my heart he had the same feelings for me but unfortunately in the end his family, stability, kids, money, house have won out over what really makes us happy which is each other. now, we've lost each other, and so much more.

I forgot to mention above. I seperated from my H because he emotionally abused me. I feel like a target, all I want is true love, thought I might have found it but feel like a fool for letting myself get so close again to someone who might have been using me. Come on guys, what are you doing to us women??

I think your name says it all. Married men never leave. I think it's good you left your emotionally abusive husband however getting involved with a married man was not a good idea and it's really bad karma. You need to examine the reasons why you fell for him and allowed yourself to get smoozed by him in the first place. After being in an emotionally abusive relationship we tend to have very low self esteem and don't know how to enforce boundaries. These are areas you need to work on. Replacing an abusive man with an exploitive man is not the way to improve your life or feel better about about yourself. Plain and simple he lied to you and lies to his wife. As far as telling her the whole truth it seems you have nothing to lose. It will hurt her more and she may not believe you but at least she will know the truth and hopefully she will come to realize her husband is a liar and a cheat. I wouldn't suggest telling her with the expectation of him getting back together with you, if anything he'll be really angry at you and still won't want anything to do with you. Take the time to work on yourself before getting involved in another relationship and think about how you would have felt to be in his wife's place.

Thank you for the advice. I'm having a difficult time thinking he lied to me to get what he wanted and just now beginning to realize that things probably werent as bad as he portrayed with his wife, if this is true then of course I definately think him telling her what he has which isn't everything and still half truths is terrible of him to do, he even said just today "if she knew everything she would definately leave". he told her we never phoned, texted or anything. In reality he shared more with me during the day via phone or text than he did her. We also went to movies, concerts, lunch, many other things outside of just sex. I wouldn't tell her everything thinking he would come back to me, he made his choice, fool me once fool me twice right? I'd do it so she knows what she's married to because when things get cozy again he may very well do it again with someone else. very hard lesson to learn. I have never done anything like this before, he said he hadn't either. he brought out in me something that no other man ever has and I believed I did the same for him, we're 40, professional career oriented college graduates. I truly thought it was a once in a life time beautiful thing, ya know, soul mate stuff, that's why ended the sex part because I wanted to do it right if we were to be together. so, should i share with her the extent of it and let her decide if she can forgive forgive him since he'll never tell the truth?

I am going to tell you this because I feel like you are falling into a trap. I have someone that is very close to me that has been in a very similar situation. She has been dating a MM now for over 6 YEARS! She started dating him when his marriage was on the outs, he shouldnt have married her, doesnt love her anymore, its only a matter of time before he leaves. Its now been 6 1/2 years and he still hasnt left his wife. My mom has sat there and waited for 6 years hoping to have the man that she loves all the while he is living a dream, he has a wife and kids at home and a lover on the side. His wife knows about whats been going on and conitues to stay because he is giving her that little glimmer of hope. He has told my mom that he still wants to be friends but not lovers, for years he has done that to her and then he goes right back to the bed with her. He has put her through hell and back. My mom has waited and hoped for years. Your 6 months doesnt compair to the years that my mom has waisted. I say stop it now because he will never leave his wife. My mom has finally called it off, just yesterday and she cant stop crying. She loved that man so much and he just ran her over. My mom as thought about talking to the wife as well but she has decided that she deserves him and he can just leave her alone. This is the only way that my mom is going to be able to get over this hurt.

Everything that you have written sounds so familiar just not as deep as what my mom has experienced. You have taken 6 months out of your life and he says all the things that this man said to my mom for 6 1/2 years. You need to just stop now otherwise 6 years from now you will be back asking why he still hasnt left his wife.

I wouldnt talk to the wife, let him deal with that. REgardless if he tells her everything he is the one that has to deal with the guilt of what he has done. What are you hoping to get out of it? Are you hoping that she will get mad and leave him so you can have him? Do you want her to know what your husband knows? Why do you intentionally want to hurt someone else that has never done anything to you?

This has been the worst situation for my mom and I have watched her suffer for years and I am hoping that I can save someone else from the same missery.

I dont know what you would achieve by doing so? maybe you should try and mend yourself after this ordeal and go forth and build a healthy relationship and focus on that rather than looking backwards? Its easy to fall into the arms of another abuser, perhaps you will find with talking to this wife that that is exactly what he is. At the moment you are hurt and angry, but possibly there are loads of benefits to come for you in the future after having gone through this. I do not see how he will leave her as he is so very riddled with guilt. I do hope that you are able to go and get some help, its the only way forward this web site is full of very supporting facts that will tell you he is a shmuck and will never leave and possibly they will save their marriage. I am in the situation his wife is currently, and I can tell you I already suspected before the truth was told, I can also tell you I know he has not probably told me the whole truth, I can also tell you the other woman thought she had something special but what she did not realise is that our sex life never suffered and he still continued to care and love me and the family, so if you were to confront this woman and tell her the truth you may have to prepare yourself for a few truths back. You know in these situations both parties decieve and the truth is far from the truth, so how much of what he told you was real about his relationship with her? The woman my husband was seeing was a bit older and she was very needy, he told me he was to scared to break it off with her for fear that she would tell.....and she did. She was aiming for him to be with her and I could only view her honesty with me as a way to bring me down so I would throw him out and she ends up the victor with a trophie, what she did not realise was that he saw her honesty as a blatant attack at me who he has a relationship and children with, who has never hurt him, and here he hurt me and this woman goes for my throat....so she was told by him clearly and very loudly what he thought of her.....see guilt is a terrible emotion that can be turned back on the guilty. so my advice is focus on yourself and let it go. If she wants to know she will ask him, if she does not trust him she could possibly contact you. Good luck ps if it makes you feel any better as the wife in this situation I think my partner and this man are idiots....we would all be better off without this kind of thing happenind but hey have a look around....its more than likely to happen again and again and again not just to me but to many more. it appears to be part of human nature and a sad reality of life