Ok, he admitted he has cheated, I confronted the other woman and she said yes she is seeing him, she wanted to meet with me he has said its over and flatly refuses. She has said they slept together he said 2 times in one night. he does drink and was drunk that night and that was his excuse, whats more is he has been feeling guilty ever since and decided to stay in touch for fear she would contact me. Oh my I do not know who or what to believe has anyone been in this situation. She is and older divorcee and has teenage children. We have two young children. Help please

Hey, I'm so sorry to hear about this situation . It sounds really painful and I know you are worried and confused right now . You have to ask yourself this : "Do I want this man in my life still?" Do I love him enough or is this pain too much to cope with and would I be better off breaking up with him. Sometimes life's problems can all be a bit overwhelming and the one person who you shold be able to look to for support and comfort the one person who you trust is the one person who lets you down.

If I were you I wouldn't be able to trust him again . He only admitted it as he was found out and you've had to go searching for answers while he's been keeping his secret so that he's not in trouble . What about you in all of this . The idea of keeping it together for the kid's sake is a brave one but can you could you always be uncertain in your relationship . Could you ever get back to how it was and how it should be ? If you really want it to work go for it but this can only take time and now nagging doubts about other times will creep in .

I have seen what cheating does to families and sometimes hard as it may seem right now it's better to let go because dignity and self respect are worth protecting.

All the best .

Hi, this guy sounds like he's not being truthful . He says he only stayed in touch with the woman he was unfaithful with so she wouldn't contact you. Yeah right. He stayed in touch with her so he could stay in control and treat you like a puppet on a string .

She's out of line , trying to meet up with you anyway . Like why would you suffer that indignity in the first place who cares if he was drunk or stoned or in another zone these are just easy excuses for the same horrible thing he cheated. He's in the wrong not you.

The best thing for you and your two children is to be calm and dignified but take time out from each other as otherwise this guy is going to wheel you in like a fish on a hook ! Sorry but this guy has made up all these excuses and has not bothered to explain his behaviour or take responsibilty for it . He slept with someone else and wasn't soooo drunk he never knew it was another person he stayed in touch with her and is somehow trying to blame you for it . They did it twice !

The children will be happier in a house free from arguments and fights and it's not fair to subject them to that . I don't doubt he loves his children but it's not fair to you having him around right now you need space and distance to think this through. Do you love him enough to accept him cheating on you ?

I would just ask him to leave for a week at least to get your head around everything why should you be involved in her and his dirt ? It's not right .


Be confident enough to make a strong decision . Good luck

Thanks for that I need a bit of a reality check..... its all so dreadfully damaging and hurtful. I even thought about going through the phone bills to see how often he has been in touch but then stop myself and think why would i want to tourment myself even further. perhaps thats the other reality check that i need.

I have to differ a little, been in this situation... I would definately meet with the other woman. Why? Because I wanted to hear as much as I could about the involvement, then analyze it to see if there are any discrepancies and talk with the hubby about it to figure out who's telling the truth. She'll probably want to tell you everything he won't in the hopes that you'll leave him and she can have him all to herself. First, you need to decide how much you love him and do you really want to fight to get your marriage back. Just because he cheated doesn't necessarily mean it's the end. You need to think long and hard about it. If it's worth it, then I would meet with her. Once you get whatever information you can out of her, sit down with the hubby and talk it out with him. Tell him everything she said. He'll probably want to come fully clean if he hasn't already. I can see him keeping in contact with her to keep things quiet, it's possible. I know this firsthand as well. Years ago I had a situation where I got involved with someone and realized it was a mistake. Unfortunately the person was a little obsessive and I kept in touch only to keep him from telling. Eventually he was so obsessive it scared me so I finally told. So you have to listen to both sides, then talk it out with him - but only if you plan on saving the marriage. Counseling might be a good idea as well, at least for you because it can be devistating when you find out. I would also check that phone bill - and any past bills - to see if he's lying about how much he contacted her and how long it's been going on, if it's something that's been going on awhile (which you won't know until you look).

Good luck and I hope I helped... I wanted to give you the other side of it because I've been there and it IS possible to talk to someone for fear they would tell, I've done it. (Also, alcohol is not an excuse and you should let him know that.)