i'm only 16 but i was in your girlfriends situation basically. porn ruled my boyfriends life and i was raped. i've been with him for 2 years and the first year and a half was absolute hell. just full of lies and deceitful behavior.

sex is natural for men, but, many girls have been hurt by men mistreating them and obviously your girlfriend has been a victim of this. you are in a relationship with a girl who has been mistreated, and so you have to not only rebuild your trust but help heal her wounds as well. you have to choose between an addiction that pleases you and only you, or your (as you put it) wonderful girl.

the first step is to get over the lying.
honesty is THE most important thing. dont lie, ever. like, if you blurt something out that wasnt true, take it back straight away. dont let lies fester or theyll eat at you and be so much worse when she finds out the truth.
i hated the disgusting things that my boyfriend would get up to but it was nice knowing that he was honest. and when he was honest and calm we could talk about it and not yell and scream at each other. i needed to see his point of view too, because being addicted to something is a struggle and not something you can just stop.

in your girlfriends comment she said that wasnt the whole truth... maybe youre not ready to admit your weakness to complete strangers. but admitting it to her is very, very important. try asking her to be calm and understanding because it can be very hurtful to hear things like that but she should be grateful if you can be honest. she should realize too that you are afraid of telling her because youre afraid of losing/hurting her.

i think you should also sit down with her and ask her what she wants from this relationship, and most importantly what she wants from you. you need to know where the limit is, what she sees as "too far" etc. make sure youre both clear on this because everyone has different opinions and its important that you both are on the same page.

once you can be honest and open about things, and she can be too, you should make an effort to talk things through consistently and both try to help you. take baby steps and stuff, like, instead of masturbating go out with some friends (who wont lead you into temptation) or go and see her and do something completely non-sexual with her. or if you cant see her, do something for her. plan a really nice date with her and say things like "i will not touch myself for the next 30 minutes." and keep doing that til the urge passes. recognize what tempts you... find your triggers. is it seeing visual pictures? words? try to avoid that. and when you come across them, try to think non-sexual thoughts.

remember that youre fighting an addiction, so you cant hate yourself for it. but also remember that your addiction is hurting your girlfriend and she needs comforting too. be sure to talk to her about her feelings as well as yours.

and to the girlfriend
it takes a lot of guts to stay with him for that long, especially since youve been hurt in the past. look on the bright side, hes at least seeking help. some men would leave straight away if you asked them to stop being obsessed with sex. he recognizes that its him that needs to change and not you. thats always a good thing. he can get better, it will take time but he can do it. and for me its nice knowing that my boyfriend gave up an addiction for me.

so good luck to you two, hang in there. it takes a long time to rebuild trust, but it can be done so long as both parties are committed.

sorry this comment is so long and probably pointless since im only 16 but i really hope you get something from this.

I know this has nothing to do with the post but Anon, you are only 16? Why are you involved with porn? Why would you have a serious boyfriend so young? I am just wondering because when I was 16 I was more into sports and school. I guess I have always believed that young girls have no business having sex at such a young age. I guess thats why so many young girls now days have children.

I just want to give you a piece of advice even if you dont want to hear it. Be careful at such a young age, talking on the internet, having sex, boys all of it, just be careful. Life is short and you better enjoy it while you can. Focus on school and your friends.

Its such a shame that all the young teenagers now days are doing things that I didnt do until I was already out of high school.

Things like this make me wonder what my daughter is going to be doing at your age & that makes me worry. Some days I get sick just thinking about how things have changed and how I hope that I can guide my little girl in the right direction. Dont take this wrong & i am not that old so I am not trying to be a mother to you or anything I just wish that kids would slow down a little bit and just be kids.

well, almost 17. not that it makes a difference to my maturity or whatever but birthdays are awesome!

i didnt have anything to do with sex between me being raped (early childhood) and my boyfriend. when i met him he swore he was completely uninterested in sex (which i admit was a bit suspicious but oh well). since i was 'traumatised' when i was younger i struggled (and still do) with anything sexual. long ago i made the decision to not have sex until i was married and my boyfriend has accepted that. unfortunately though many teens are exposed to sex and are very tempted by it.

kids our age make a lot of jokes about it and a lot of the guys pressure girls into it, and some girls willingly do it (boost self confidence, be 'liked', etc). i go to a pretty sheltered religious school but were still exposed to sex quite a lot; media (tv, music, movies, magazines), other students around us, parents, teachers etc etc.

the simple fact is that teenagers are hormonal, rebellious, young, stupid and think we know everything.

id suggest that when your daughter is old enough you should make sure shes able to be open with you. dont just tell her that sex is the worst thing she could do and that youd hate her if she did it or whatever. the unfortunate reality is that its up to the teenager now and the general population (statistics show, apparently) make the wrong choice. so just make sure that if she ever gets herself into a bad situation she can talk to you about it. try to show her that sex is meant for older people and that her virginity is quite a special thing about her and she will value it when shes older because men (at least the nice ones) prefer girls who have had very little sexual partners. i dont know... i think itd be pretty hard as a mother to protect her child from the things in the world, but just let her know shes got a mum who cares because sometimes that can prevent kids thinking that to get people to love them they have to sleep with people.

and its not all that teens do
lots of teenagers are focused on friendships, schoolwork, sport etc. i and a lot of my friends are, especially being in the 2nd last year of college.
my boyfriend and i have found much healthier alternatives to sex. we do all the teen things. were in a band and take school work pretty seriously. we have fun but were pretty obedient kids.

i hope that helped although i dont think you actually asked for any advice so once again, probably just wasting everyones time =)

good luck with your little girl