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I have been married to a compulsive liar for 13 years. I discovered this after exactly one year of marriage, over a huge issue concerning his past that he had hidden from me - to the point of destroying all evidence of his life prior to me. I was devastated and he worked hard on me to convince me of his love - which I do believe even though he has a strange way of showing it. Over the years his lies have continued and I never know just when I will discover another. They have range from small (I mailed the letter for you - meanwhile I have it in my purse), to huge (borrowing large amounts of money - bills sent to work). He is always tremendously sorry when he is caught out, promises he will not lie again and begs me to trust him. On the surface our relationship is good. We get along well and laugh a lot, but underneath I live in fear of what I will find out next. Friends and family would say we are the perfect couple, as they have no idea. With each lie our sex life has suffered, to the point that it currently is non existent. This is due to the fact that I found out 6 months ago that he has genital herpes. I had found various creams and lotions hidden in peculiar places (one in his briefcase, which I'm sad to say I snoop in on occasion). I asked him about one of them (not the one in the briefcase) and he denied it was his. This is fairly typical behaviour as I well know, but it is infuriating. I wouldn't let up on this one as I knew I was onto something. The lies didn't make sense at all and eventually he admitted to having had a rash on his penis! I continued pressing and the end result is that he tells me he has had herpes for 21 years after a fling with someone. He says he did not know it was herpes and despite continued outbreaks over the years, didn't go to a doctor (??). How bizarre is this? The reason he didn't tell me, or any partner prior to me, is that he was too embarrassed (??!!), and did not at any time use protection. My blood is boiling even as I write. I do not know what to believe, and at this point do not know whether I would prefer he had an affair and contracted herpes, or that he married me not able to tell me of this problem, and risked my HEALTH! (and others before me). He swears he has never ever had an affair. I'm forgetting to mention that almost 3 years ago as condition of our marriage, I insisted he go to counselling for his lies. He apparently has been going since, although obviously had never told of his condition. This therapy, although he now admits he is a compulsive liar, has not changed his behaviour at all. He still professes undying love for me continually, while not talking about the problems, and continuing to lie. Sex stopped after the herpes discovery (I made him go to be tested - confirmed), but I have had no symptoms fortunately. He does not mention the lack of sex, but continues to be doting and loving. So confusing. I was hoping the therapy would shed light on why he lies (lack of confidence issues, aggressive father as a child etc) and hoping that he would open up. No such luck. Now the latest discovery: I discovered through snooping into the history settings (not the basic history - that was deleted) after I was away for an evening and he was alone, that he had not only been viewing porn sites and LOCAL massage parlours, but he had visited numerous sites of local hookers on craigslist - erotic services. We live in a small town. They were for quick blow jobs in the car, to full sex at certain locations, all prices quoted. He would have no idea how I would have found out since he had deleted all this in the computer history, and I should have kept quiet...but I couldn't. I asked him that evening about him going to hookers. Naturally he denied all and not knowing what I knew, eventually admitted looking at a 'couple of ads out of curiosity'. No of course he has NEVER EVER cheated, and nor would he. It's exhausting and devastating. Without all the lies I would love this man to death, but I trust him least out of anyone I know. Nothing at all would surprise me. This is where it is at right now and I just do not know what to do. I'm at my wits end. We have 2 wonderful children, we have parents close by that are all friends, and would have an absolutely wonderful life if it weren't for all this hidden trauma. I have been married before and hate the thought of failing again, but more importantly I would hate to destroy my family (all of them). But I can't go on like this either. It sounds hideous even to me as I write this....but I had to vent to someone. It's killing me keeping it inside and I just don't know what to do. Sorry for going on for so long - it's just that once I started.............
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