i have been with my hubby over 20yrs, we have 3kids, but only been married for 3yrs. 2yrs ago I caught my husband cheating on me for the first time that I had known. yep I was upset, devastated but like a fool i forgave WHY ? God only knows. 9mths down the track I caught him again, this time I threw him out, but to my sorrow the man did not leave me alone. All that garbage about you been my love, my world, my everything.. BUT I LOVE YOU. he would not leave me alone... So I went away for a month, by myself to think.... only to come back and fine myself taking him back. He has been home now 4mths and guess what,,,,,
My intuition, his behavior, my gut feelings tells me the man is on the move. BUT Wait... this time I am not upset, not angry, I dont care.... Why ? because I have had enough.
This is a man who will never change, a man who wants to have his cake and eat it. Man who is not man enough to admit his wrong doings, He is still home, not sure how to get rid of him because he is so sick... he will just anoy the crap out of me. And he knows financially I need him to pay half his share..
But I dont care, I dont sleep with him, He does have a problem, because after all the research i susmise it is all one nighters.... He is a great father, not abusive at all, quiet gently but f.....cking insecure like a small child

help.....

If finances are the only thing keeping you with him, remember...you will survive. You will have to make changes. But in the long run, you will be happier. It will be very difficult. But it can be done.

In my opinion, your spouse is suppose to be your best friend. Do best friends treat each other as he is treating you? A best friend is one you can share everything with...good or bad. Someone you can count on, have confidence in, and know that person will be there for you. You must have trust. He doesn't sound like a best friend to me.

I can't tell you to stay or leave. But I can say it will never be the same. Your relationship with him has changed forever. I know. I am in the same situation. My husband cheated on me while he was away in Iraq with a wife and mother of another. Wow, she is really a good person too...huh? They would even stay all night with each other. He basically had another home away from home. I cannot live with this. But I am speaking for myself. You must reach down inside and make a decision. But life can be better. Good luck.

1st thing is first, you dont need him! Dont ever use the money as a reason to stay because if you really wanted to leave you could. Down size, sell stuff, whatever it takes to make it financially stabel for you.

He bothers you to take him back and then does it again, that is not love. He is not being honest about what he really wants otherwise he wouldnt continue to do it.

You have to do what is right for you, only you! You said that this time your not angry about it, you just dont care. Then maybe that is a sign that maybe its time to just move on.

Wish you the best of luck.

I so sorry to hear that this guy continues to abuse you time and time again. I have been in a similar situation - that being, offering forgiveness and having it thrown back in your face. I felt (and still feel) like a fool.

I would think that after all that you have been through, you probably know the signs and your instinct is probably right. However, I think that after being hurt so badly by a loved on in such a personal way - we are more likely to be hypersensitive to everything. I know that I have been hypersensitive to things that would not cause the average person concern. If he had not betrayed me, I would just be a crazy person...now, I guess I am a “justified” crazy person (if that makes sense). I would just caution you before you make any major decisions to make sure you are correct in your suspicions.

I will say though, the mere fact that I get that pain in my stomach or get upset over little things is almost enough to make me talk away. I hate being a “justified” crazy person – because you are still crazy! Who wants to live like that? If that is you, maybe you don't need any more confirmation. Maybe the fact that he has put you in the position of doubt is enough.

If money is what makes you stay - please consider your options. You have several - downsize, sell things, go to a woman's shelter, go to a friend's place. You need some distance and clarity. How much is your happiness worth?

I wish you all the best - I know that you are in a tough spot.

AILA

My husband of almost 30yrs.,this July 08, and I discovered a couple months ago, the possibility of him cheating on ME!!!!!!!!!!!!! I started educating myself on the internet and starting finding SEVERAL signs, and began searching for a paper trail w/ mastercard. I'm in the process, w/ the help of an excellent therapist, of making an appt. w/ a lawyer and start taking care of MYSELF. I or YOU DONOT deserve to be with anyone that doesn't respect or love you. I have no backbone, I'm a wus, that likes to avoid confrontation............but I've had it. I know I won't beable to live in our house(it's a 2 income household) and our kids our young adults and moved out.

Best of luck to you. You are the one that has to make the decision. If it's possible to get a therapist,I recommend that. Hope you have a good support group of friends and family,(I'm very lucky and have that). Good luck and I certainly wish you and your kids the BEST.

Actually it's NOT that easy to just walk away when money is an issue. I stopped working 4 yrs ago at the request of my husband. Within months of leaving my job, I sold all but 2 pieces of jewelery I owned (including pieces I inherited) to help support us while he fought a viscious custody battle with an ex. Now I have nothing of value to sell, no job and I'm 100% financially dependent on my husnabd ... a man who cheats on me at every opportunity ... with "escorts". Family and friends see me as the perfect wife, perfect step mother, perfect hostess, perfect homemaker. Too bad I don't have a perfect marriage. Staying in this relationship smacks of selling out to some, but it's all about survival to me. I'm 51 years old. Starting over at this point in my life would be sheer hell. Staying in a marriage of convenience? No less hell probably, but let's be honest, financially it's just easier.