My hubby has been very self absorbed lately, new clothes, cologne, taking care of his appearance and hygiene a lot more. Even bought cute boxers. I noticed the songs he has been d/ling all have to do with getting a girl in bed. I listened to the lyrics and it is sooooooo NASTY!!! He likes rock but has downloaded 3 songs all with the word "shorty" in it and it seems out of character for him considering its rap and hip/ hop. I was so disgusted, I started sweating inside my air conditioned house. He spent over $300 on weights and supplements and has been working out vigirously which he hasnt done since we dated. That was 6 years ago.(He is ex military and loved P.T. back then)
Meanwhile he accuses me of cheating and tells me I am the one having an affair when I take my dog outside (10-15 minutes). The other night he went through my call history on my cell and accused me of calling guys. After, I proved it was a friend, he said he didnt care and we got into a heated fight and he told me to MOVE OUT. After packing what I could, I forced him to talk to me and I told him that if he was cheating to tell me the truth and I would not get mad, and just move on with my life. I started crying and next thing I know I am back in bed with him. However, I feel blind in love bc I truly think he is cheating. I am so confused, and so in love with him.
CAN I BE WRONG??? Is it possible that I am just insecure? And him with me? he told me the next day he was so happy we made up! But, what I THINK is going on is he is having a sexual relationship with a black woman. ANYTIME, he sees a black woman on tv, he lights a cig, sips his beer and touches his face and if she is pretty, he adjusts himself down there. I have voiced my suspicion but he TOTALLY denies it. He works in a black district. I am NOT racial so do NOT think that. He had a fling with a black woman for 2 weeks before we met, so I know he is not racial either.
Please share your thoughts with me, I would really be grateful.

I READ UR POST...I KNOW, THAT WHEN PEOPLE ARE UNHAPPY WITH THEMSELVES AND THIER MARRIAGES THEY CAN SOMETIMES START DOING DIFFERENT THINGS FOR THEMSELVES...LIKE WORKING OUT, ETC. BUT, IF IN UR GUT, U FEEL SOMETHING, DONT, AND I REPEAT, DONT DENY IT! I HAVE ALWAYS FELT WHEN SOMETHING WASNT HOW IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE, AND I WAS ALWAYS RIGHT!! UR INSTINCT IS TELLING U SOMETHING, SO BY ALL MEANS, GO WITH IT! HE WONT, NO MATTER WHAT, TELL U WHAT U WANT TO HEAR! U ASK HIM, ARE U CHEATING, U REALLY THINK HE WILL TELL U? NO WAY!
ALSO, WHEN UR SIGNIFIGANT OTHER ACCUSES U OF CHEATING, IT IS A PROVEN FACT, THAT THEY ARE USUALLY THE ONES DOING IT! THEY FEEL GUILTY OR THEY ARE AFRAID OF GETTIN CAUGHT, SO THEY PUT IT ALL ON U, TO TAKE ALL OF IT OFF OF THEM!
AS FAR AS THE LOOKING AT THE BLACK LADIES, AND THE MUSIC...WELL, I WOULDNT GO MUCH ON THAT! HE MAY BE UNHAPPY WITH U AND UR MARRIAGE...I AM SORRY TO BE SO BLUNT, AND I AM SURE IT HURTS, BUT IF HE REALLY LOVES U, & U HIM...THEN SEE IF HE WILL GO TO COUNSELING! U 2 REALLY NEED TO DO SOMETHING TO HELP UR MARRIAGE BEFORE ITS GONE! GOOD LUCK....

Wondering,

My husband was treating me exactly the same and doing similar things to your husband, then I discovered he was cheating. The cheating itself wasn't as bad as the rollercoaster of emotions he put me through and having to accept that actually, this man I thought I knew, this man who I had in some way created in my head, wasn't really the man after all. He never tried throughout our 20 years of marriage to put me straight, no, he loved me putting him on a pedestal, respecting him and treating him like a God, in fact, he demanded it. Whenever I voiced any suspicion he would get aggressive, blame me for things, accuse me of being unfaithful then he would take me to bed. Do you know why he did that? It is a form of control! Sweet and sour he calls it. How clever and callous. Yes, I know now how callous he can be and how much he really loves himself. You see, some men, think nothing of staying with their wives in a nice cosy secure relationship, but behave as a single man when they are outside. In fact, listen to this, my husband thinks he is making such a sacrifice for me by being a good boy now.
Ask yourself, do you want a big baby in your life or do you want a man who treats you with respect because it sounds to me like your man is very immature and selfish. I doubt whether he will get any better as time goes on, in fact, they usually get worse. You must have your reasons for staying with him, just like I have mine.
If I had been younger, I would have kicked him to the kerb, but, there are other things at stake now than whether he is faithfuly or not. Mind you, now that he has fallen off the pedestal, its so amusing to watch him trying to get back onto it, but, he has lost my trust now so there is no way I will ever let him back on it, instead, I have decided to put all that energy into ME. I spend time on myself now, have made a few nice friends who I spend time with and am generally much happier like this because at least I know that any energy invested in me is worth it.
I would the say the same to you. Don't waste your life on someone who doesn't deserve it.