Oh gosh, where do I start? My husband and I have been married for eleven years, we have two kids (8 & 15). He was always extremely absent from our marriage and our kids. He worked, worked, worked while I stayed home with the kids. We have an amazing lifestyle and he makes great money. We've basically built an empire together and I'm bored out of my mind with him and going to the same resort every summer. He's also very moody and a pouter. I've taken him to counseling 7 times to try and find a better connection to no avail. I want to actually live my life, I want adventure and spontaneity, especially now that the kids are older. I'm only 34 for goodness sake! He's 39.

Back in Febuary I started to have a affair. I resisted this unbelievably drop dead gorgeous guy for as long as I could even though I wanted it all along. I asked my husband for a separation in May and told him I just wasn't happy, we never did anything and that I didn't want the next eleven years to look like the last. All of this was true but I didn't tell him about James. Anyway, he flipped and wouldn't give me the seperation and promised to go to go therapy and work on it and that our marriage was the most important thing in the world to him. He went to therapy once a week and nothing changed. I asked for a divorce in July, still of course, seeing James and whom I definitely have feelings for and would suck if I lost him. The problem is (which he doesn't seem to agree) is that he's only 24! He did serve in the Navy for 4 years and does seem to be very loyal, how loyal?, I'm not quite sure.

Sometime after I asked for the divorce, my husband found out about James,flipped of course and is now seeing somebody. At first it didn't bother me at all, which made me question if I still loved him. I have never really been physically attracted to him and he never talks to me anyway. But now all (we're still living together and the house is up for sale and we are in the whole divorce process) we are either fighting like cats and dogs or he is asking me, begging really, to reconcile. He says our family is worth it and we are supposed to grow old together. During the fighting, I have endured so many blows to my self esteem through his vulgar verbal abuse and now I have no idea what to do. Sometimes I just want the madness to stop by agreeing to try and reconcile. I did invest eleven years in this marriage that was supposed to be for better or worse but I also think I have major seeds of doubt if I can handle life on my own as a single mother, that he's planted. I would have to go to school and get a job. The biggest problem though, is I wouldn't even begin to know how to let go of James and endure the heartbreak from that and reconcile at the same time when I don't even know if I love my husband anymore. But like my husband constantly tells me, why would a hot 24 year old stay with a 34 year old?? I'm not sure if I want a divorce if I'm just going to get dumped, but I have no idea if I could ever be excited about my husband again. What the flip do I do??

So wait a minute if this hot 24 year old James leaves you then your willing to settle for your husband? That doesnt sound like your bored with your husband it sounds like your bored with yourself. Either you want James or your husband! If you were that unhappy with your husband then it wouldnt matter if there was another man or not you would still want out of your marriage.

You sound a little selfish and spoiled to me! you cant have your cake and eat it to! Take some pride, get a job, hey why not find a great career that you can be proud of and take care of yourself. It sounds to me like your torn between having a "hot" boyfriend or a husband to take care of you.

just a little note: a 29 year old friend of mine just MARRIEd a 25 year old and they are are happiest couple I know. but i agree with the previous poster, be happy with yourself first.

Heh, I would put money that if you got together with "James" you would be sadly let down when he realized he got the "whole package". Right now he is a young guy bangin an older woman. An older woman that GOES AWAY when he is done giving you attention and he can go play.
Change that to, now he is a "step dad" dealing with you 24/7, and kids, and bills, and the ex husband, and the housework, and and and... you get my drift.

If the love had left your marriage so long ago, I would venture a guess it was not 100% either of your fault. Especially since you say you were NEVER attracted to him?!?!? He was just attractive enough to pay the bills and support with food, clothes, jewelry, home electronics, the computer you are USING TO CHEAT ON HIM WITH though huh? Maybe you should have told him you weren't attracted to him BEFORE he spent THOUSANDS taking the family to a resort, then you could have offered to just stay home since the vacation was so boring.

I think the best thing for this whole mess is for you both to split. You can go to school and work for a living and live within your OWN MEANS like the rest of us and try to also be a good parent, help with homework, do the housework, study for your own school, THEN see how much energy you have left to have this sizzling sexual relationship with "James". You SURE won't have to worry about those BORING resort vacations anymore since you won't be able to afford it. I am sure "James" at 24 fresh from the Navy can get a job paying enough to support a family right? Oh, he has no marketable skills? You should deffinately suggest to "James" that you get a appt together and start your wonderful life together, forever. Please come back and share with us what his reaction is, I always need a good laugh.

In my opinion you are a classic example of a woman with too much time on her hands, you say yourself you are bored with life, husband, family. Tough darts, you drew the cards, suck it up and be a good mom and co parent with your husband and let him get on with his life. He SHOULD have made you get a job or go to school YEARS ago instead of letting you hold a couch down while you got "bored" and thought about 24 yr old kids you wanted to screw. Sorry, not much for sympathy for you.