hi all.
i just want to know if anyone has been in controling relationship and felt you had to lie so you wouldn't get into trouble? That's where I am at. My husband has been very contoling and verbally abusive for over 10 years.
He keeps saying its all in my mind, yet i know its not. he says he doesn't have anything to change anything, and is unwilling to change.
I've been working on mot lying to him, but its is very hard. He has used things i've said int he paaast against me. He will be checking my email also, and my cell phone. I can't talk to any guys or have any guy friends without him being extremely jealous. I've had 1 other bf from when i was 14-16. and a couple here when i moved here in highschool. BUT... my husband is the only guy i have ever slept with ot had any physical contact with..kissing, etc.
He can look at all the porn he wants, or say how sexy so and so is and i never do that with anyone. He says that is nothat as long as you get your appetite from whatever, then come home for supper what does it matter?? To me i guess all guys are like this i don't know.
I've talked to an ex bf and i guess you could callit an emotional affair to a point, but not really from my stand point totally. I have lost practically all closeness with my husband because of his abusive behavior to me. I am not saying i don't have anything wrong, by lying to him cause i am afraid of what he will do. But hes joked about going schnabel on me is like where a local well liked mad beat his wife up with a bat, and burned her to death. it wasn't a joke with me. He still is putting me and my sons down, and can't even see it. then he gets us in hte van and we can't get out and he goes on a verbal rampage and we are like hostages and can't say anything wrong to him or we'll get abused more.
i am trying to make it through this last year as my oldest son is a senior. I almost moved out last year, and my husband wanted to commit suicide. i want to give my son his senior year so he can get good grades to get into college to become and artitectural engineer.Am i wrong in trying to wait it out and give him his senior year. or do i cut my losses and he has to fall apart emtionally again this year(my son i mean) any help i s greatly appreciated.. ty

can I ask why you even want to save your marriage? I hear you about your son, I get it but why do you want to continue even after he is out of school?

It seems that you are reaching out a lot on here, are things really that bad at home? If they are you dont even have to ask the question, you know the answer!

Do you want to spend the rest of your life in misery? Or do you want to save the rest of your life for happiness?

You know the answer! I have told you before along with others that this is no good for you. He is abusive and controlling and your a liar so together its a horrible relationship.

By you getting away from him no only will you have freedom to do what you want but you will also stop lying because it wont matter at that point.

Do whats right for you, not for him! I have told you before that the suicide things is all control on his part. He is using it as a way to control you and keep you locked up. You have to break that lock and take control of your life. Dont let him determine the rest of your life for you.