I found out that my wife of 9 years and the mother of my 2 children was having a online affair with a old friend of hers from high school who is also married and has 2 children.

The only reason I found out she said it "went to far" and she told the other guys wife about it so she was forced to tell me about it in July. She said the it was going on for a couple of weeks (to think I had this jerk in my own house when this was going on). I was working it out on my own until I discovered it was really over the top. She sent over 2500 text messages over a 38 day period to this guy and some of them were pictures. She will not tell me what the pictures where of.

This brought back every bit of mistrust I had back in July and I'm really not sure what to do?

I'm not sure where to turn because I don't want my family and friends to end up disliking her because she is the mother of my kids.

I just don't know where to turn too?
I don't know what to do?

I'm so sorry about your pain. I'm going through it too. It is terrible to be going through it alone. I have forgiven my boyfriend for an affair but don't want to tell family or friends. Modern society is very quick to judge and throw away love. I am also afraid that I will be judged as weak for wanting to try.

The fact that she was the one to tell you is very good. Most people find out by mistake or from someone else. I wish you the best in recovery and regaining trust. It isn't everyday that we find people we love so much.

One thing that she has to realize is that she is the one the betrayed your trust, she is the one that went outside the marriage, she is the one that needs to do the work to get the trust back.

If you want to ask questions, if you want to know where, when, how, who, why or what those pictures where then she needs to tell you. Otherwise she isnt doing her part to fix the marriage & it shows that she could really careless.

You can get past this, many people have but it takes work. You will have good and bad days but that is all part of the process. If you are both willing to do it then do it! But she has to want to tell you everything otherwise this will never work, you will always have doubt & wonder what she is doing.

Have you gone to a counselor? Will she go with you? This is probably the best bet to make your marriage work.

I wish you all the luck, take it one day at a time, this to shall pass.......

Oh yeah, the other thing we have in common is the affair wasn't sexual... it was emotional. He was very involved through email and texts. Wrote her that "he thinks about her all the time, can't wait to see her again". what happened to me?

He saw her, talked with her, kissed her... then that was all. At least that is what I am told.

We've gotten past it. He was having his last stab at adolescence and never cared at all about the poor used girl. Still, even if it wasn't actual sex it is very hard to get over the pain of being betrayed.

O, so much pain. I love him so much, always did and always will every day of my life. Can't believe there is so much fluid in my body to continue to cry so many tears. Please don't cheat on your girlfriends. It is a pain like when one of my best friends died. Hmmm, because my trust for him died maybe?

emotional affairs are like long distance relationships.

When the two parties of and emotional affair get together there is a burst of physical affection to each other, the thrill, the emotions of finnaly getting to be with that person whom they have expressed so much.

If there is a meeting of these two parties then there has been sex because it is unavoidable, subconciously it is what each other wanted, and after the sexual experiance they will eaither stop out of guilt or from being disapointed by one or the other or they will want to be together and just come clean with everyone.

I was in the same situation but in mine, my husband claimed he "fell in love" with another woman while deployed for 6 months and said the woman was his "best friend" and said they never had sex. Well, I kept this "emotional affair" sprinkled with love declarations, letters and photos they had together (all of which I found) all to myself for 4 months until I finally discovered proof that they did have sex (and my husband confessed when confronted).
At this point I went ballistic and all the progress in healing went down the tube because the full truth (not details but truth about depth of betrayal) was not out to deal with and it was all fresh again and starting from zero, and I went into a depression. I saw a behavior therapist who recommended I needed to find someone, preferably a friend I could talk to. A same sex friend is probably best as you are vulnerable and going through a whole world of emotions right now and don't want to let your unloading turn into a new emotional relationship either. I told a friend at work and telling her helped me so much I cannot describe. She was also very supportive and suggested I think twice before telling family as they may not be able to forgive as easily and add conflict to my and my husband's relationship if we do mend it.
I also went and insisted that my husband go to a marriage counselor and I had a list of things he had to do if he wanted to regain my trust in him and he was serious about repairing the damage he did. He agreed because he really wanted to keep our marriage but its not been easy nor without emotional outbursts from either of us along the way (its been 6 months since his return from deployment that we have been working on this and only 1 since I learned the full extent of his betrayal).
It sounds like you are committed to giving your wife and marriage another chance but is your wife committed to you and your marriage and willing to put real effort to making it work? There are some books you and she should also consider reading that will help: "After the Affair", "Intimacy after Infidelity", "How can I forgive You?" and "101 things I wish I knew when I got married".
I wish you all the best, I am still healing and the trust won't be there for a long time but he is finally showing me though his actions that he is committed to me and our marriage. Now I need to work on the "forgiveness" and he needs to work on boundaries and WE need to work on communicating to each other and not avoiding what's going on in each of us, in our lives, and what we need from each other.