Thanks for checking in on me AILA,
Things are lonely here. My Girl has given me an ultimatum- to become the man she deserves and wants or forget any relationship with her. Well let me clarify that. She has also given me some guidance and some support then explained it is in my best interest to do things on my own. I am miserable but hopeful. I am working with a shrink and am diving into much of my childhood which lets face it ultimately explains and caused my behavior. I am making progress every day. I have resisted temptation and cut off any communication that would make me want stray or behave innapropriately.
I miss her terribly. Every step I take in the right direction and every accomplishment and/or realization makes me want to reach out to her. Text, call, email etc., but i am respecting her wishes as I know it is best for both of us. I am making progress but I wish she was here to share in it with me.
I am sorry to hear you are down. Where is your situation currently?
AE

Hi AE,

Thanks for the fast response. I have not been able to sleep. Without him at my side I just ache and I guess it kind of keeps me up.

I am happy that you are discovering parts of yourself that you need to look at. It is only for the better! I know that it hurts. I have been through several things in my life that have caused me to look deeper at myself. Some of it is ugly - stuff I don't like to show people. But, it was stuff that I needed to be aware of so that I could work to modify my perceptions and behavior. There are only good things that can come from being more aware of your triggers and your coping mechanisms. We were all screwed up by our parents...I have some interesting stories on that front. However, at some point, if we want healthy relationships and a happy life, we need to conquer our demons. I am really overjoyed to hear that you are on that path! If you want to reach out to contact your girl, but you want to respect her wishes, you can always post here. I am happy to talk about whatever.

For as hard as the "temporary" break must be for you - I believe that your girl has probably done the best thing for two reasons. It shows that she loves you enough to take herself out of the picture so that you have the time that you need. But, it also shows that she respects herself enough to demand more for herself.

I am in a similar spot. You may not realize it, but it was probably extremely hard for her to give you an ultimatum of sorts. If she is anything like me - she is worried about you. She is tortured wondering what you are doing and whether you are straying from your course. I am so sad. I want so much more for my guy, but there is nothing that I can say or do. It tried it - all of it. But nothing worked, so I swallowed my fears that he would not come back and that he would just go off with one of the many women that he has befriended - and I let him go to find himself. It was agony to say "goodbye for now." I am scared that he will chase the easy thing rather than work on the hard stuff. I pray that he is strong.

He and I had been fighting a lot. Part of why I told my guy that we needed to go our separate ways for a while because I did not want us just to dwindle into jaded nothingness. I did not want his only memories of me to be the mean text messages that I sent when I was angry. I wanted him to remember the me that was always there and was always trying. Does that make sense?

I am trying to be positive. I signed up for a woman's meet up tomorrow night – basically a bunch of strangers getting together to meet new people. It would be nice to meet some cool girlfriends. It's a girl only group, but I know that he would still have a problem with it. I went to a girl meetup once before and I never heard the end of it. He says he was kidding, but he wasn't. I fear that he drives by and does not see my car he will think I am out screwing around and then he will feel justified in doing whatever. I almost don't want to go for just that reason; I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't know why he doesn't trust me. I feel like he does not know me at all when he questions me on that level.

I can't just sit here waiting damn it! I gave him over a year to figure it out. What's wrong with me? I tried to make a home, but I never knew if he actually wanted me there...so, I never even unpacked. Our whole relationship was like being in limbo. I never knew if he wanted me...and I told him so. And, he did nothing to make me feel better about it. Am I holding on to a lost cause? Was I just not enough? Will he ever change? Can I survive another hurt like this again if I were to let him back in?

I know that you can't answer any of these questions and I am sorry that I am rambling. Feel free to ramble back...I'll be up for a while.

Hi AILA,
Sorry didnt respond to last but I decided to get in my car and drive away. Picked a spot and packed a small bag of clothes, my books and journals, ipod and some sunscreen. I worked a long day knew i have a 3 day weekend and decided there was no way I could stay in our place together all alone with that much time to myself. Also knew I would run after her and beg her to go on a weekend getaway and as much as I would love that I know its not time yet. Besides if she said no I would be more miserable. Got a cheap hotel with a pool and i plan on spending the whole weekend with myself. Changes in latitude means changes in attitude correct?
Sorry to hear you are blue and I know what you mean about not sleeping without your partner. That has been rough. I cant wait to get out of the place we shared, its so empty without my Martha stewart wannabee there. I even miss her annoying cat. It just isnt home anymore and bothers me to even be there. Hence the roadtrip.
So a social club? Good to hear. I use to go to those from time to time but most of the people there were either really odd or just looking for drinking buddies or easy partners. I'm sure the ALL girl thing will be better and less headaches. Good for you. Sounds like a fun time. I wouldnt worry about what he thinks you are doing. Sounds like he is battling his own monsters. I know what you mean about him thinking you are off doing whatever so he will do whatever. I did just that to my girl and it went bad quickly. I thought she was out seeing someone she met at a concert.(while we were already having problems) So i figure fair is fair and went out with someone. Waste of time, energy, and money. I went out with someone that was completely the opposite of everything I am attracted to and to top it off I couldnt get rid of her. That sounds bad but its true. She had too much to drink and I couldnt call her a cab because she lived too damn far away and quite frankly I didnt want her coming back the next to get her car and knowing where to find me again. I had to babysit this girl and feed her until I could get her on the road safe. Not a fun evening at all. It was miserable.
Sorry for the tangent.
Its a Good thing for you to be getting out and meeting new people we all need to do that.
Check back in later. Have to crack a book by the pool.
AE

Hi AE,

I feel stupid for my last post, so I deleted it. I am a little paranoid and all turned around. I apologize if my request seemed to come out of left field. I just had this odd gut feeling. I understand if you don't respond.

In any event, you have my email address.

Enjoy the pool and hotel. I would love to take a vacation to a home...hotel living gets old.

AILA

Dont giv up. she is extreamly hurt and she is in alot of pain. i dont know 4 how long or how seious that affair was. but she is looking at detail and the effort that was put in to it. I am telling u this from my own feelings. I found my husband out and let me tell u. Its scary for us, because all that was real is surreal. if uget me. It all seems fake. She is going to try and do regular things but it will eat at her, to find out where she went wrong, where she faultered. even though she knows she did nothing to derserve this. she is wounded. the only way that I explain to my husband the way I feel is this. The maganatude of my love is now the magantude of my hurt and anger.

Torn&Scorned