I have been dating (he almost lives with me) a man I met 8 months after my husband of 21 years walked out of our marriage. He has been so supportive and loving during my horrible divorce and recovery.Like many who've written, he's treated me better than anyone I've ever been with. I did notice early in the relationship, he said some very strange things, for example getting shot down in Nam and dying and being "sent back". He's told me we've been together in a previous life. He is also extremely sensitive to what he perceives as criticism (where none is intended).

We have been together for 3 years now. From what he's told me, he has had an amazing life and has done more things than anyone I've ever met. Well to make a long story short, my daughters think he lies about a lot of things. I tend to be a very trusting person, but now I'm wondering myself if everything he's told me is true. I started reading up on compulsive liars and was amazed at the number of people who have had relationships with compulsive liars I had no idea that there were so many people like this and that cl's can be very difficult to recognize. When there has been some discrepancy re: something he said, he either insist that he is telling the truth or says he didn't say that in the first place.

Even though we've been together so long, I've never met anyone from his family other than a cousin once. He talks about his family, but they don't live nearby. He says his ex-wife(of 16 years) became an alcoholic and finally ran off. He did not have much experience with women before he got married and said he went 8 years without having sex with anyone after his divorce. Odd, since he seems to have a normal libido. I don't believe he's been with anyone else other than me, for one thing, he is almost always here at my house.

How do I determine if he is in fact a c.l.? He does have more weird stuff happen (when he's not with me) than anyone I know. He seems accident prone (but "heals" very quickly). I am already starting to emotionally distance myself from him because of my suspicions. The one time I insinuated he was contradicting himself, he got mad and went back to his house (which is a 3 hour drive away).He came back two days later.In fact whenever he gets mad, he talks about leaving. When I tell him it's hurtful that he says that during a disagreement, he'll just act like he meant he had to go back home to do something or pick up his mail.

If anyone has any suggestions how I can determine what's up with this guy, I'd like to hear from you. BTW, he's told me he would like to marry me, but since I've not said yes, he's sort of stopped asking. I am also annoyed that he stays at my house, eats my food and although he takes care of my lawn and house, he doesn't pay for anything. I haven't pushed this because I have more money than he does. He's a physicist that works for a company that he started with a group of engineers 18 years ago. He spends all his "working" time on the computer. It is all so strange. I've even considered consulting a psychic

Hi Warping,
When I read your post I got goose bumps...Your story is similar to my story with my X C/L. The 1st year of my relationship with my X I did not meet his family or friends (He did not have many friends either!). He would lie to me and tell me he was seeing both but was not, I'm still not sure to this day what he was doing with all his time, drinking perhaps?? I finally found out the likely reason he was estranged from his family is he stole money from them-Of course he lied to me and told me the reason was a disagreement and his mother was difficult!! Any old friends that he had he had lied to and did not know about his family estrangement, any new friends were able to see right through him. He too was very sensitive to criticism-I'm not sure if he this was intentional on his part or C/L by nature are very sensitive? When I would call him on his lying or drinking he would avoid confrontation at all costs, he would distance himself or point the finger at me. Of course with my enabling pesonality this would drive me crazy because all I really wanted to do was help him!!! My X would also fake illnesses to avoid spending time with me or even going to work...My X had lied and was deceitful his whole life and money problems and alcohol problems followed him. If you have doubt about his lying I would spend some time and or money and check into his past..They say the best indicator of future behavior is past behavior. One more observation about your post-Why would your man need to marry you? He has things easy being with you, just the way he likes it!!

As I said earlier to girls of formums:

I wouldn’t be so quick to judge unless this person is hurting you or you expect or have observed some foul play.

It sounds like your kids are in cohorts with each other which is common with kids in the circumstances you have described.

I have gone thru this many times with my 4 kids. I am alone now because of this. Your sad choice too! I want kids to leave but they are 19. 16. 12. 7.

Now...

The person you are describing sounds like somebody I have heard of or one of many if you may. Maybe you to. Alot of people with many more experiences. So what. Big deal. One lady is Secretary Of State; two doctorates (phd) , accomplished pianist, accomplished figure skater, was the Secretary of Intelligence for a short time, much more, she is a black woman and probably the most brilliant woman in the world today.


Much more than we! I am proud of the woman I speak of. Not jealous. No mam. She has many more accomplishments than me, you or the person (man I assume) you are describing and I am sure she is not lying.

I always say look at your own life every moment of it and don’t start judging until you are absolutely sure you can get away with berating others for whatever good that will do for you. I am sure it wont add one more day to your lives if we sit around an trash other people because we are jealous or envious or lazy or to much money or for any reason.

My ex lied like crazy but for reasons to benefit himself. He was/is a criminal and is paying the price. He hurt alot of people including his family and me. I am only here looking for an explanitaion but I haven’t found one yet. Not here. But I will continue to look for reasons somewhere. Not here. Not among people who think they are much to do better than the rest of the the people in the world.

Shame you all. I have read to much of this. I pitty you and pray you find your ways. (sorry for poor english).

LL

Who the hell is LL? She is starting to show up here and all she has to say is negative, mean things! Who are you to tell any of us what kind of peopel we are? And who ever said any of us said we where better than everyone else? This forum is here to talk about problems and work through them not to put eachother down.

Your right in looking some place else because you are not a very nice person. It doesnt seem like you dont want to help anyone else other than yourself. You have all the nasty things to say but when have you really help anyone else? I understand looking for answers to your own problems but you dont have to go and bring other people down to make yourself feel better.

You are completely one sided and you really should think about being a little more open minded.

Look at your own relationship, who are you to talk?

There are alot of warning bells going off here! You have been together 3 yrs and haven't met any of his family?? That alone is very suspicious. He doesn't pay for anything and supposedly has a job as a physicist?? Have you met any coworkers? He leaves when you question or challenge him in any way?? Sounds like he's looking for a meal ticket and you're it. Personally, I don't think anything adds up with this character. You can always run a background check on him. It would be well worth the few dollars you would spend to check him out. If he served in the military, that can also be verified.

Message to Sawinski and LL
You want to know who the hell is LL? So do I, but I think I know. Now if he's still reading here, he knows that I know. So, LL if you are who I think you are and if you're still tracking everything I do on my computer ......Ask yourself this: why DO YOU think I've had some doubts????? Caught you! The rat fell for the baited trap.
BB