I don't know what to do with this anymore. For as long as I can remember, my sister has been a compulsive liar. When she was very young, she claimed that someone tried to pull her into a car, the police were called, but it all turned out to be a lie. I have no idea why she does it.

She has told people that her father is dead, that she was abused, that she was thrown out of home. I know that the first and last of those aren't true, but how can you doubt someone when they say they were abused?

Now she is saying that she has cancer (she is only 28). I phoned the hospital to ask who her consultant is, and they say they have no record of her coming in for anything. She was threatening suicide the other day as well. I love her so much, but this is destroying me. Do I confront her? What am I supposed to do?

The weird thing is that a lot of the time, the things she claims are things to do with me. I used to self-harm, and I have tried to kill myself before (not proud of any of this, and things have changed for me since - I am an extremely happy and positive person now, and have been for years) and one of the things she claimed was that the man who she says used to abuse her, used to cut her arms. She has no scars, and I think we would have noticed cuts on her arms at the time. I have lots of scars. Also, I have been worried recently about my health - had a dodgy smear a few years ago, and had a biopsy. All been fine for years, although have yearly check-ups. The day she told me she had cancer, I had told her earlier that I was worried because I was bleeding, and was really wanting the results of my most recent smear.

My relationship with my Dad wasn't completely healthy too, and, as crazy as it sounds, she was always jealous of that. Could this all be to do with me?

I'm sorry that this is so long and rambling. I am at a loss to know what to do next. It is still possible that the woman at the hospital had made a mistake and she does have a biopsy on Tuesday. I really do love her - she is so important to me, and the last thing I want to do is to cut her off completely, but I am beginning to think that this is the only option. If anyone has any similar experiences, or advice I would really appreciate it, as I have no idea where to even start.

Thanks

Update: Have told my sister that I can't have any contact with her until she gets some help - I think that I make things worse as I always react to her stories in the way she wants. I love her, and want to protect and believe her.

Please, does anyone have any similar experiences or advice? I don't know who to talk to about this. My family doesn't want to know and I am worried that she could actually kill herself. I hate not being in contact with her.

This sounds like a woman I know ! She use to get her brother to get involved in all kinds of freaky situations that were all her own doing : She would call him up when his girlfriend was in town at 4 in the morning and make him take her to the hospital, she would take prescription pills for depression and then have a car accident and she too had a cancer scare with the biposy and so on . In fact I called him a while back and he said his sis was in trouble again as she had started living with a guy cos she didn't want to live with her parents and had no job and no money. She works now and got herself straight by having therapy .

This is all about attention : she needs it and you have to give it to her. It's unfortunate because when one sibling has had problems they have a lot of attention on them and the other sibling could feel left out and perhaps jealous of all the attention they're getting . It's very unhealthy to lie about being sick ( I have this thing that when something's out in the universe it comes back on you ) so tell her to stop immediately. Tell her she should wish only good things for you and her! It's very difficult when you have complicated realtions with your parents and the father daughter scenario is very typical of what happens when a daughter is left without a positve relationship. Do not blame yourself. This is not your fault. You are a separate person and must be congratulated for caring and loving your sister enough to seek help for her on her behalf.
Here's what to do : get the teo of you toghether alone and ask how she is coping with life , ask what's going on in her life and then ask why she feels the need to lie all the time and that it could result in a bad situation because one day you might not believe her and something serious could happen. Also ask her to start focusing on the real issues in her life what does she do in work/ career/ does she have any close friendships can she get involved in any hobbies or activities that could stop her from lying so much and start getting her to live in real time .

It's going to be a long hard way back for you and you have to understand that your sister needs medical help as well as this sort of personality defect is very hard to deal with by untrained family members .

If you are unable to get counselling or there is no programme for her you'll have to go to some free sessions in your area where she can open up and realise what she is doing is wrong and putting a huge strain on you too.

Good luck .

I know a guy who has a sister exactly the same when I say exactly you know share the same tendencies. He would always be forced to turn up to guy's appartments in the middle of the night , or be taking her to the hospital , or attending some kind of emergency for her . It was impossible for him to have a private life then when he got lucky and found a girl he was sweet on guess who found out all this stuff about her and told him ? Guess who broke off their relationship yep the little sis.

I never was able to talk to him about her she still does the same things the girlfriend he had has long gone and him and her are stil in the same spot . It doesn't get better not unless you have professional help because what happens is the person does it to everyone not just you but this guy's sis did it to the guy she was seeing and then made it really hard for him to stick around because she would always need more and more attention. For a while the guy I know was able to control her behaviour as she stayed with him for a while but then she got worse if he had friends around or she wasn't the focus of all the attention. She never spoke to her parents if she could help it kind of deliberate so he would have to deal with them for her. She threatened to take her own life if he didn't come to help her out several times but she was his sister what else could he do .

Having drinks with him the other day he told me she went for counselling a few times a week and stopped the drinks and drugs and crying for help and she's recovering slowly . She sometimes relapses but it's not as bad . He is still single and says alot is to do with his sister literally controlling his time and his life . He never knew when she might need him. To stop this vicious cycle of dependency you have to get professional help for what appears to be a seriously damaged woman.

Hope things sort themselves out be positive take control .

I don't have an answer for you, but you're not alone. My sis has torn the family apart with her lies, and now that we bought a house together (don't ask why i thought i would make a difference, after therapy failed) her lies are destroying me emotionally and financially. She lied about her ex coming into the house and attacking her - of course I called the detective myself to get my own copy of a police report. But it turns out it was all false and I'm left thinking that she's self-harming again - and this time on her face...
I'm just stunned at this point, and i don't see how anything i do can make a difference. Do I keep trying or just do what i need to save myself from further damage?

Just an update: I confronted my sister last night, and had to show evidence after evidence that i knew she was lying, as she slowly adapted the story to fit what i knew. but i still wonder, if her story about her ex attacking her is true, why it took 2 weeks for the knife to turn up in the kitchen again... I suppose i might never know what actually happened that night...

Anyway, i felt made it clear that this behavior will not continue in my house, that i feel disrespected, and i'm not willing to live in a household where i have to stay home to make sure no shenanegans are going on. I told her that i suspected her of self-harming, and that if ever i caught her lying to me again, we would part ways. Finally, I reminded her that she needs to love herself and follow her instinct to do what she knows is right, and if she can't plant her flag in her own home and speak what's really on her mind to her sister, then she is not taking advantage of the opportunity she has to change and create the life she wants for herself. And of course i told her that i love her very much.

Unfortunately, I still feel like i'm waiting for the other shoe to drop...