My husband and I have been together for almost 10 years, with most of them filled with him cheating and lying. We have 3 children, with one on the way. I love him very much, and I know he loves me in his own way. And the love and relationship that is shared between him and the kids is priceless. But for the last few years it has gotten worse, and divorce and leaving each other has been threatened, but end with me caving in and having to forgive and forget, out of guilt for what it will do to the kids. The problem is I can't forget, and honestly, I will never be able to truly forgive. I don't know what to do anymore, with his cheating varying from online, phone chat lines, old loves, and people he has met at work, it's hard for me to even begin to trust him. I am an anxious, jealous mess half the time, and extremely sad and lonely the other half. We have not tried therapy. But at this point, would it even help? Would we ever have a healthy relationship? And how would I leave my children's father, without becoming the enemy?

My parents never divorced, but in hindsight my sister and I wished they had. We always knew they did not get along. So many people think that just being there physically for the children is a good idea, but children can sense and know a lot more than we give them credit for.

My sister and I still remember (40 years later) arguments and conversations my parents had...including those that threatened to give us up for adoption. We both agree that our childhood would have been better if we had had two happy but seperate parents rather than two angry, untrusting married parents.

Just a thought. You will need to work on the divorce thougha nd make sure that it is done quickly on good terms. Most children may not understand right away, but will eventually. I am sure there are excellent resources for them too so that they do not feel it is their fault or that either parent is the enemy.

hi, I am so sorry for what has been happening to you and I empathise it's happening to me too. I can not tell you what to do but you say that you have not been to therapy. You should try even if you go on your own, you will find that it will give you the tools to be the strong person that you have currently lost. It is worth asking your husband if he would like to go and you can both then learn how you got to this position in yoiur marriage.My husband and I are having therapy after I found he was having an affiar and like you I have three children. I feel that after a while people just stop trying when they are married and things become stale. Since therapy we have done nothing but talk and laugh. Although things are not completely fixed we have found it a great help in opening the communications between us. I do wish you the best of luck and keep strong for yourself and your babies.xx

I appreciate the advice, and for the sake of the kids I do agree it is worth going to therapy. And I know I can always find the strength for them. I do hope eventually we can also laugh and talk again. I miss that so much. I just wish he can find the strength to want to make some changes for the sake of our marriage. At this point I'd take anything, just for the chance at a step in the right direction. Thanks again.

hey JDH,
Have been checking for a reply good to hear from you, Step in the right direction for you and your children not just because he is making you feel guilty to keep him. I am having trouble trying to cope with cheating husband who promised he wouldn't see o/w outside work and then Went and had coffee with her on a weekend when he should have been with his kids. Then got angry with me for checking were he was. Are they thick or what or is it that men just think with their ****'S. He did say they did have sex. Ok that's fine but emotional cheating is harder to deal with as I am sure you are aware.We deserve bette thatn we are getting evn though we both love the men in our lives. My husband still wants to live here with us which is really hard for me to deal with and he is still in our bed? go figure. The last time we made love was Saturday yet he still has this O/W mid life crisis.I think. anyway you do what right for you and yours. keep healthy and heppy and loving those babies xxx

Just want to say sorry for spelling mistakes, Not been a happy day today. Found out that he didn't sleep with o/w saturday(hooray) but he did tell me that when we have make love that he feels nothing for me an it's just sex.Nice 20yrs and just fell out of love.(it's that d**K thing again)Male ego's have to be massaged but when it's our turn we get bugger all.So have been told also that he can't trust me hang who had the affair, blames me that he did it and that I spent so much time making sure Friends and family where ok and happy that I neglected My kids and him(what Cr*p)His excuse to forgive himself and not feel guilty for cheating. He spent so much time helping his mates with building and electrical work most weekends and be away during the week and he blames me. We just drifted and forgot to talk too each other. Like you still love him and I told him today I fall in love with him everyday all over again even after our troubles. I still want to be with him as I know we can be happy again. I am lucky that my children are older so if things don't work out they will understand things better. good luck honey keep your chin up. lonelygirl xx