My wife and I have been married for 22 years and up until 6 months ago I never had reason to question her loyalty. I found a document on our computer that was a journal (she did not mean to have it on our pc) and previously while using her laptop I found this document and it was locked and she was upset that I had found it. Long story short I opened the same doc on our PC and it was very standard journal entries (May 06) until the last entry. It stated "it is getting late and I am tired, thoughts of him are fading slowly but surely, it all seems so surreal".
To say the least I was shocked and called her at work to confront her. Her answer was it must be "John Doe", a male co worker (work friend) at a previous job, three years prior. They were on a team of people (six or so, mixed sex) that got along very well and I met all of them. That night and ever sense she has no explanation, except a poor choice of words ( "I chose my words poorly, you know how I can't express myself or do not think of others feelings&quot. My wife is a professional as I, so I am having a hard time believing that.
I consider our marriage sound however, the last few years she has drifted due to our time spent with our kids, I traveled at work, etc... I knew we needed to devote more time to each other but nothing earth shattering. We both opening talked about taking care of ourselves and spending more quality time with each other. I have never cheated on my wife so this is all new to me. I confronted "John Doe" by phone and in person and he denies any affair or anything close to that ( no physical touching). I did discover that the day before my wife left the job where they worked together "Doe" told her they could never work together again because he was starting to have feelings for her. I confronted Doe with this and of course he apologized very fast and over and over.
My wife has felt really bad about this since I found out however; she has never changed her story. After looking over some of the hints given for cheating spouses, she fit some of the signs of cheating. Am I being overly cautious or overreacting? Could there be another player in this story that is being withheld. John Doe is very plain and just geeky. Please help me out with your thoughts. I have been devastated by this all. Since this time our marriage has jumped back on track as it had always been but, I can't help but look over my shoulder wonder who this is about and how will I know? Thanks James

You are right to worry. Perhaps after 22 years you need to put the spark back into your marriage. Sometimes it just happens when people work together, they get fond of each other and if as you say you are often away or have been busy concentrating on kids you both might have neglected to be a "couple". Your wife might have been fantasising about this other man because you two were no longer close. Relationships need to be constantly worked at and not taken for granted. If you love your wife and if she is not the cheating type after 22 years you should know her very well and want to keep your marriage, make an extra effort with her, tell her you love her often, take her out a little more and tell her how beautiful she looks. Put this episode behind you and don't question her about it.

It is very easy to say put forth the extra effort,love your wife, put the spark back in the marriage and do not question the event again. That is not in my nature to drop things until I know the truth and the reasons behind it. I feel that I am due and explanation and truth after all of the years we have committed ourselves to each other. If that is not possible then trust from me will not happen.
I am not the one who has gone astray. With that stated, I realizie it takes two people working 100% each to make a marriage successful.
My problem is why did she not want to chase me, or put forth the effort to make our marriage better. Why is it me always reaching out to make things better or talk it out. We have always been close and neither of us has felt to far away to want to stray. This is why I am confused over the finding of the note. I am not sure where this will lead me in our relationship, but one thing is sure; if I do not know the whole truth, healing will not begin for me. People make choices in life and I have made the choice to remain true to my wife and provide her with love and happiness. Where does this leave me now, that is a good question.

I know exactly how you feel. I wrote to this site about one year ago, with a very similar concern. I can't even remember what the title of my topic was, but I wrote about my wife contacting her ex-boy friend (high school) via the internet.

Like you, I have not strayed. When I asked her to put an end to her conversations (because I was not comfortable with this) she told me she would handle it. I found out she contacted him again, only to reveal things about our family life, then denied that she had contacted him. When I confronted her she denied contacting him, then eventually told me this was her way of letting him know she was going to stop?? She was caught in a lie, she knew it. Since that time it has been difficult for me to trust her and she know's that too.

My question is the same.. then why am I placed in the position of trying to remedy this when I didn't do anything to begin with? Yes I place value on our marriage, but I can't do it alone! No, I cannot begin the healing either if I am not given the truth or treated with respect.