I really don't know what to do anymore.
My boyfriend and I were dating for a year and 4 months. For about the first year, we were a happy couple. Soon after that, though, we started to argue more and more, and I assumed that it was just a phase in the relationship that would pass. We didn't get along as well as we used to, but things weren't horrible by any means. Around the year and 3 months point, I made the worst mistake of my life. I went over to his friends' apartment to hang out watch a game for the night. He knew I was going but didn't want to go, even though it was a small party and several people were there. While I was extremely intoxicated (to the point of throwing up) much later into the evening, I ended up having sex with 2 of his "best friends". I felt absolutely horrible about it the next day and I wrote it off as a stupid, stupid mistake that alcohol played a role in (I have since stopped drinking). I didn't say anything for about a month until one of the friends started telling other people that I was trying to seduce him at the party. I figured that at that point I'd rather tell him myself than have him hear a twisted version of that nights' events from someone else. As soon as I told him, he started screaming at me, punching things, and said, "Get your **** out of my house, I don't want to see your face again. I was going to pop the question to you next month and now you tell me this. If you try to talk to me you're ******* dead." Since that happened, I have been using everything I have to continue to do well in work and to keep myself together. He refuses to speak with me, which I can somewhat understand, and even though both of us are in our 20's and have apartments and full time jobs, his mother for some reason has emailed me several times and is trying to get herself involved to a level which I believe to be appropriate, and has said that what happened was 100% my fault for drinking around people that I didn't know and that I should have just said no. In addition to this, several people from his group of friends as well as our mutual friends have told me that he has tried to instigate several relationships with other women while we were together, and that in the month before we broke up, he pretty much did everything except sexual intercourse with 2 women (one of whom was a friend of mine, the other, one of his close friends' fiancees). I am having a difficult time figuring out how he could have been planning on proposing to me (apparently, he told everyone months ago that it was going to be my birthday present) if he was doing this, and how he could also be talking to his two friends and not talking to me. I have been harassed by more of his friends online, at school and at work and many of our mutual friends refuse to speak with me. I am so guilty, anguished and ashamed - but at the same time, I am infuriated with him. I have stopped drinking, started going to counseling, and have begun eating better and exercising, basically trying to do everything right, and to prove that I am wiling to do whatever it takes to make things work - but I just can't deal with the fact that he won't talk to me and is going so far as to say that the only reason I shouldn't kill myself is so that what I did will stay on my conscience forever.

His mother really should not have gotten involved, it's none of her business what her little boy does in his adult life, no matter how much she may have an opinion or disagree. You aren't her daughter-in-law. There are two sides and she will only hear one from a mother's perspective and that won't change.

Yea, it was really dumb to drink to the point of intoxication and have sex with two other men. Dumb. But we can be dumb sometimes, doesn't mean you are an evil person. Sounds like you are taking measures to correct the problem that put you in a place to make really bad choices. Good for you. Keep going with that.

He, on the othe hand, from what you said, it sounds like he is reacting from guilt on his own part and deflecting that on to you...in other words he can't admit his own faults so you are the target of it because of what you did. Sounds pretty clear from this end.

He's done wrong...you've done wrong. One of you is admitting it and changing that. The other one is putting their wrong on to someone else. That's not owning up to what they did. Who do you think is doing the deflecting? Sounds like he is to me.

Move on without him...sounds like this boy is going to do alot of deflecting before he is mature enough to accept that he is responsible for his actions...not you.
Keep doing what you are doing and improve your own self image, let him create his own rope and he will eventually. M