So here is my story....I've been married for two years but my we've been together for 5 1/5 years and we have two small children. During out first two years together he was vry secrative about his phone. He would hide it and when he would get certain calls he would never pick up. I kept asking all the time but he would just tell me that it was a friend and blah. Well soon after our fist son was born I goud out that it was a woman, but not just any woman but his ex-fiancee. Well at first he just told me it was a friend but that he would stop and wouldn't call her anymore. WEll a couple months after that I actually picked up the phone when she called and she todl me that he was trying to get back with her, but that she was living in a different state so they hadn't seen each other but he was planning on going to visit her. It was her that told me that they had been engaged and that he never told her about me or our son. Anyways, we talked and decided to work it out.

NOw fast forward to this year, a couple of months ago he started acting different, going out more til pretty much the next day. I confronted him about it and he told me that he was just overwhelmed by the children and just everyday life, or he would leave if we had and argument. He was once again protecting his phone. This time it was his work phone. Honestly I haven't seen in ages. He would hide it and would not let me see it. So I had a gut feeling soemthing was going on, but I jsut didn't have proof. Well, today I went to get soemthing out of his car and I started looking around (I know is not good, but I just had a gut feeling) Well I found a little box that had a Keychain in the shape of a heart with his name and a girls name engraved on it, plus thre condoms. I confronted him about it and at first he lied and told me it was soemthing old. I'm not stupid and I could tell that it wasn't an old key chain. Anyways, he lied to me about it but as we kept talking more and more about it he kept tellling me more and more stuff about it. He's supposedly been going out with her for a couple of months but according to him they haven't had sex. I don't believe him, why would he have the condoms if ha wasn't using them. OH, and by the way he tried to get upset at me because I was snooping around. and tried many lame excuses to blame me for doing this. Our relations is not perfect by any means. We've had aour fair share of problems but I never expected this.

I'm really angry, deppresed and confused but most of all hurt. All of a sudden a feeling of insecurity come over me. Our youngest son is 10 months and I still have lots of weight to lose from the pregnancy. I feel like he wasn't attracted to me and that's why he went to look for someone else. I wonder if she is prettier than I am. I know deep inside that it shouldn't matter because if he trully loved me and respected me it shouldn't have mattered. I can't help but to think of him being around another one. Although he tells me he didn't sleep with her I don't believe him. I mean he's been going out with her for about 4-5 months.

I don't know what to do. I want to work it out for our kids sake but I just can't right now. THere are so many things running through my mind. SO many things that he said to me (bad things) that now make complete sense. I don't know what to do. Worst thing is I don't have anyone to talk to and I really need soemone right now

I think you need to decide what works and doesn't work for you. You may never know the truth if he slept with her or not. What you need to do is decide that regardless if he did or didn't if you can try and rebuild from wehere you are now. If you want to try, then try. If you can't then you can't. No one can fault you for making the descions that work best for you. Only you can decide if you can forgive him and try and move forward. People will say all sorts of things to you and believe me you should listen and consider each one, but at the end of the day it is you who is living in this situation, and all situations are different. Think about yourself first and what you can get past. Because rebuilding trust with someone that breaks it is really you doing all the work. Because you have to try and believe them, not be jealous, not be insecure. The one who cheated either emotionally or phsyically just has to make you believe they are being true. The one cheated on has all the work ahead of her or him.
Just my thoughts.

I think your instinct is right on target. He's cheating. The keychain, the condoms, it's obvious. You should know it has absolutely nothing to do with you or your weight. The problem is him and his lack of commitment to your marriage and his lack of respect for you. You deserve better and so do your children. Do you have a family member you trust who could help you out or let you live with them until you can get settled and go to work? I would suggest start quietly planning what you would do if you decide to leave him. If you stay he won't change and is that the kind of future you want? He has already shown you what you can expect from him. Look at what he does, not what he says. You deserve better.

I couldn't agree with POed more. Your husband is not committed to you or his children. He has no respect for you at all. Perhaps its the way he has been brought up, who knows? But, it seems that that is not the way you have been brought up. It will be difficult for him to change. If you stay with him for the sake of the children you will have to get used to living with lies and deceipt, but, there are no guarantees that he won't eventually leave you for someone else.
Take control of your life, you can do it, if not, one day it might prove to be too late. Give him an ultimatum, either he starts bahaving like the husband you want and a father to the children, which also means to love and honour them too, or he can sling his hook. It will be hard for you to do because you have 2 young children to care for and if you do not have family who can help you, then go to the public services available. Find out your rights, make plans how you can survive without him should you need to. Please do not let someone else control what happens to you. I am sorry to be so direct, but I can understand your pain so well as like many others I have been there and sometimes when I think back, I reproach myself for not having done what I am just advising you to do. If you do nothing else, then at least find out what help is available to you.

Thank you for all your support and avdice. I really need it right now. Since posting this I have found out more details from other people, doing research and so on. This has been going on for at least 1 1/2 yrs.

Thank you for all your support and avdice. I really need it right now. Since posting this I have found out more details from other people, doing research and so on. This has been going on for at least 1 1/2 yrs.