Three months before we got married my fiancee at the time became friends with a guy at work. Before this time she always made fun of him and he was the laughing stock of the office but she felt bad for him. They became very close and I knew this but didnt mind because I trusted her with all my heart. The guy came to my wedding and gave us a very big gift. He told me he was lucky to have a friend like my wife and really wanted to get to know me.
For the next 6 months after my honeymoon. I knew they were spending alot of time together at work bc they were working 10-12 hour days. But the problem was when they would fight it would consume her so much she. She would be miserable for days and cry to me about him until 3 or 4am then she would goto work with him.

Months of them being close and fighting, her being miserable and consumed with this friendship i finally confronted her. She said he was emotionally attached to her and he was in love with her. To prove it to me she pulled back from him and even lied to him about major events to make him feel horrible (which i didnt agree with). I think this guy was a genuine guy but my wife is very sexually opened to her friends that he might have taken things the wrong way.

All of a sudden they were fighting like everyweek and my wife finally couldnt take it anymore. She ended the friendship. He wrote an email documenting what he called a "mental affair" She showed me the email to prove he was in love with her but i found so much. Now I dont know what to do.

This is what I found out: she invited him to her bacherlorette party which he went to with all of his friends, when i worked on weekend nights she would talk to him for hours both nights on the phone or im, the rest of the nights they either talked on im or text. Sometimes she would say he needed her and ran to another room to talk to her and I was very understanding. Then he said they talked about sex which is fine with me because my wife loves sex and loves being very open about it. He said they did sexually tease, flirt and touch. I think my wife was being my wife and he thought it was more. He claims she masterbated at work and told him about it. After that I read comments he said she made to him, these comments are: i wish i met you before my husband, you are him plus everything he is missing, you were the person i always dreamed about marrying, i hate his parents they are stuck up a$$holes and your family is down to earth, you and your family know the meaning of a family while my husband's family are self centered, if i could do it all over and i knew what i know now about my inlaws i would never have married him so my advice to you is know the family you are marrying into, i am doing all this work and i cant enjoy you. Those are comments he claimed she made. She said it was all to help his self esteem and i believe it. People think i am a fool for beliving it. Everyone at their job thought they were having a physical affair. When she wanted to end the friendship but he wouldnt give up, he kept contacting her bc he wanted to remain friends with my wife for life bc they had so much in common family wise and sexually. Thats one thing my wife liked.

Also, he stated that my wife went to him regarding any problems we were having. He said nothing sexual happened but it was all emotional. He felt that if he made a move she might have gave in and he said she used him to replace me. He said he didnt know if she was in love with him or just playing games but either way its f'ed up.

Now I am having serious trust issues. I want to believe this guy just read her wrong but maybe my wife was totally into him and she was living out as much as a relationship as she can with him. I don't know what to believe thats why i am here asking for advice.

I am going to try to make this marriage work and not have this guy ruin it. I told her she cant get close to anymore insecure guys.

Also word about their "emotional affair" spread around work, so now she is ruining his reputation there say this guy is a psycho and stalker. What happened was a bunch of he said/she said work drama and after my wife/him agreed not to talk sh^t about each other but she is sabotaging him. She said she will sue him if he contacts her again bc she wants nothing to do with him anymore.

Do I have anything to worry about? Was my wife cheating? She swears she wasnt and I know my wife is extremely sexually open so he may take it wrong but what bothers me is she talked to him for hours if i was around or not.

Yes, from everything you have described your wife cheated. You know she had an emotional affair. They touched and teased, that is physical cheating. She neglected you to talk to him and spend time with him. She wants you to believe he is the one responsible for "misunderstanding" her intentions. She is just as responsible as he is. Then she says all those terrible things about your family, then tries to cover it up and say it was to make him feel better? No! It was how she felt. She has also demonstrated to you she can and will lie. If she lies to him she will lie to you. I know all of this is painful to hear but you deserve better than her. I guess what I don't understand is why she agreed to get married in the first place. If she is so sexually open then why bother trying to be in a committed relationship like marriage? Be honest with yourself. I'm sure you already know the truth. the next step is the hardest.....what to do next? That's what we're all struggling with here. I wish you the best.

Personally I think that you give your wife way to much credit. From the sounds of it she may not have slept with the guy but she shared all the emotional situations with him rather than you. You should be the person she goes to for that emotional support not him. I dont think he took it the wrong way I think that she let him take it that way. Why would someone cry over a "friend" at work just because they are fighting. I believe that she is just as much in the wrong as he is. The relationship went past a normal friendship & I believe that in a marriage any kind of relationship like you have discribed is completely inappropriate and it has to stop.

Of course she says she will sue him if he does anything, she is trying to protect herself. She is covering her own butt to make sure that you dont find out the real truth behind whats been going on.

I dont want to make things worse for you or make you believe that she was cheating. But the fact of the matter is that she was carrying on an inappropriate relationship with another man right in front of your face. I give her credit for at least not hidding there relationship from you, she was upfront for the most part with you about there relationship. What I would do from here is just let her know that the relationship has to end and there should be no more contact, not only is she hurting you but she is hurting her career. She needs to focus more on you and her job rather than another man.


I wish you all the luck!

It sounds as though your wife could be my bf's coworker that he has had an emotional affair with for a few years. He would break it off knowing she would never leave her husband, but then she would draw him back in. I know prior to us he had crossed the line with her and there was sex, but she felt guilty and pushed jhim away. And then missed the attention and drew him back. It is hard when they are coworkers, because regardless of what happened or did not happen a relationship was there and they still see each other daily. I have to trust he is being honorable now and not contiuing with her, but I have no clue. Lunches, coffee, work meetings could all be happening with them. Trusting or believing someone about a coworker emotional/sexual relationship is hard, because it is not like either one of them will be quiting their jobs.
Her energy was in him and not you. You stated that, and that is not fair or right. You are her husband and deserve to be number one, not number two when it comes to intimacey with your wife. You should be getting full attention, not competing against phone calls and textes. And how do you know what the textes say or how many calls are happening or emails, things are easily erased. I am sorry, I am a little jaded. I went through it and it was horrible. It broke my heart. I just want you to be able to keep yours intact.

I know there was no sex. As soon as I confronted her if they were in love with each other, she quickly said he was in love with here and she had no feelings for him. She showed me emails and texts from him. I read them all.

Yo Man, this is definitely an affair and your wife played both of you guys. I think she has some serious issues and counseling is definitely needed.

I think your wife is an attention wh*re and this guy thought your wife was unhappy. He really digged her and played into it.

You two need to focus on your marriage because otherwise this will not be the last guy she cheats on you emotionally with. I believe everyone agrees with me.