To make a long story short, almost 2 years ago I found a journal doc of my wife’s on our PC and it was by accident. In fact, she had just started to keep one and I had no idea or I would not have opened it. In the content for the day it was general stuff and then the bomb shell. It read “I’m very sleepy and need to go to bed. Thoughts of him are fading slowly but surely. It seems all so surreal”. Well, needless to say, I was totally in shock. We have been married for 23 years and have three wonderful kids and a solid marriage, or at least I thought so. Since this we have had many discussions on this and her answer is that it was totally inappropriate to write this and it was about a friend at her old work. She states it was not romantic in intent. They assembled a team of people and this guy was one of them. He is a geek and not much to look at (not trying to be cruel, just paint the picture) but, the entire team did go through a lot. I also was told that right before my wife left this company the geek in question called her to say that they could “never work at the same place again as he was at the beginning stages of having feelings for her”. She was afraid to tell me this part because of the old told you so routine and embarrassment (according to her). My wife has told me over and over again that nothing happened with this guy or any other guy. She has told me that she thought I was shutting her out and not letting her get close to me. I might have done this not thinking since she was so busy at work and not spending quality time with me or the kids. Our sex life suffered during a brief time period. I met the geek in question to discuss this and he was very adamant that nothing even close to any kind of touching happened and he was stupid for saying what he did. He apologized over and over. I believe him since he was shaking and about to wet his pants. I am not a redneck but, I workout and do not mess with anyone-I expect the same. We have made improvements over the last two years but, I am still having doubts. I found out recently that she went to lunch with on old high school geek and did not tell me about this one. I also found a search on the pc for an old boyfriend from high school (on classmates). The old boyfriend could be chance since we had a short discussion about this guy, no bid deal as he was a two week teeny bopper thing,
My question is ladies & Gents, should I have doubts about my wife’s honesty? Has she cheated one me and elected to keep deceiving me about this. I keep looking over the words written in the journal and they don’t seem to add up to the story. Especially in light of the continued deceit. I have never cheated on my wife, never even close and never would.

There is no one that can tell you wether or not she cheated we can only offer suggestions. I believe that there is always a chance but I also believe that some times we create our own worse nightmare. You need to just keep your eyes on her, watch her and see if you notice any strange behavior. Stewing over this is not going to solve anything for you, only time will. You have to wait and see what the future holds for the two of you. You will never really know the truth about what happened 2 years ago, that is in the past all you can do is move forward. Keep your eyes open, but dont stew over the unknown. This is out of your control, all you can do is work on yourself at this point.

Good luck witht he future.

Sawinski is 100% correct. As readers of the forum, we have no way of answering the "Did she cheat or not?" question.

However, I urge you to view this situation from a different light. It seems some deception has occurred, in one way or another.

The fact of the matter is, you will never be able to answer that question. I'm not saying your wife cheated, but if she did, she will never admit to it. Period.

What you need to try and answer, instead of that question, is this: "Why was there deception in the first place?"

Or even better, why do you allow deception to occur in your life? After 2 years, it is obvious that this situation has bothered your very spirit, as it is still on your mind. Why do you allow this situation to bother you? You seem like you do not like deception in your life, and yet you have allowed it, therefore making this situation mull over in your head constantly.

If you can bring yourself to peace about this situation, then you can begin to have a relationship again. Don't wonder whether or not it happened, you'll never know.

Has there been other instances of deception? If so, why are you allowing yourself to be treated as such? Before you can love her, you must learn to love and respect yourself. Allowing yourself to be deceived is not self love nor respect. It's the opposite.

I'm not trying to tell you to break this relationship off. Instead, I'm suggesting you ask yourself different questions. Questions that are aimed in your part of the relationship, as you can't control her part. Understanding yourself and your own morals and values in this relationship will make your whole relationship more understandable, and possibly bring a clearer answer.

Good luck my friend. And no, I'm not a lady but I still like to give advice, even if it is dismissed.

Thanks to those who have responded to my post at this time, I do appreciate the honest feedback. It does bother me, even after two years. As far as dealing with what is in front of me, that is what I am trying to do. It is in my nature to find the truth and that is important to me since I will not tolerate cheating.

Just to add insight, my wife has taken the time to write me a long letter and explain that the words were inppropriate and that she has never had an affair nor would she. I guess this has shaken my faith, my innocent view of committment and I am trying to regain my faith first. Thanks for posting. James