This is a difficult one. My girlfriend lives on the other side of the world. We visit eachother approximatly once a month, or as finance permits, and talk to eachother on the phone and IM in between times.

First of all, i'll say that due to the nature of our relationship, I have no proof. But lately, i've got a new feeling - that feeling that people talk about in their gut. Her behaviour towards me has not changed, she still says she loves me regularly, and when we meet up it is incredible, but her schedule has.

She works part time and her schedule has always been the same. Now she disappears all day, every day for "shopping" or "seeing friends". I know everyone does this, but it didn't used to be every day. Because of my job, i'm online a lot, so I see her patterns for being at home.

It's also as if she is always looking for an excuse to go out.

At the start of our relationship, there was another guy who she was "confused" about her feelings towards. I asked about what happened between them and her official line was they only shared one kiss. She did however admit to him staying over a lot, and even sharing the same bed once. Recently, I was in their company when they met up and they appeared to have amazing chemistry.

This is not entirely relevant (he lives the other side of the world, too, so it's literally impossible), but it adds to the doubt - that the relationship was built on some degree of uncertainty.

In the past, we'd joke about "secret men" or "secret women" - she would do this more than me and play along with it. Now, she very bluntly states there are no secret men. I say I know and that I wasn't serious. Yet 5-10 minutes previously she would say the same to me and jokingly imply that I had a secret woman. Obviously, I would never cheat.

It is just subtle things like this. I didn't used to think like this. Something has changed, but I can't put my finger on what. And really, because we live so far apart, I'd never find out - she has no risk of getting caught. That is the fear, that she is living a double life.

Is there anything I can do? I clearly cannot confront her. But are there any questions I could ask, or things I could do which might prompt her to give herself away, or let slip (if indeed there is anything).

I hate feeling this way, because I know it will eventually effect how I behave with her and it may be nothing, but I cannot escape the gut feeling.

Could really do with some help... her unexplained absenses are getting more frequent and more bizarre..

Yesterday I told her in advance I wouldn't be able to get online at work (we nearly always talk during that time).

I changed my plans a few hours before we normally talk, and sent her an SMS saying "actually I'll be online afterall".

Of course, I get no reply and she's not online.

I know that you posted this awhile ago but I will respond anyways. Sometimes people get this gut instinct that isnt always right. My husband has this "gut" instinct everytime he is away from me that I have another "boyfriend" yet I have never givin him any reason to think this and I have never cheated on him. In my case his gut is always wrong but I have that feeling sometimes to (like today) all though he has never givin me any reason to doubt him either. It all comes down to insecurities, with you being on the other side of the world it is easy to get insecure and jealous. If she is making the joke of you having a women on the side more than likely she is a little insecure herself. If you talk to her I bet you will be able to understand eachother better. Dont jump to conclusions and dont confront her about anything. If something is going on behind your back and she thinks that you might know something she is going to do whatever it takes to hide it better. If nothing is going on she is going to be upset that you dont trust her. I would talk to her about your feelings for her and not say anything about your suspisions. Keep your eyes open and look for some solid evidence before working yourself up.