I have a problem and it's a big one. I had dated this guy off and on through high school. We were best of friends and we could talk about anything with each other. Well, years passed, I got married and had a family and so did he. My marriage didn't work and neither did his. Well, 3 years ago we met again and started dating. He lived in another state and I in our hometown. It got a little difficult to keep commuting back and forth, so we decided to live together. Later on we got engaged. I got a job as a teacher and he was working for the government. Everything was going alone smoothly; well that's what I thought. I was living there for about a month when he had to take his baseball team out of town and his assistant coach had to go alone because it was a girls baseball team. While I was there with my two children, we started playing on the bed and I noticed on the head of the bed was a hat that had women's underwear in them. I was so hurt because I had sent him 900 dollars to get the place and I asked him not to have any women there. Well, of course he lied and said that when he moved from the other apartment they were in there. When he came back from the trip, I was putting his clothes up and noticed a condom in his bag, He stated that the condom had been in the bag (lie, it was a new bag). We then moved into a house of our own and I just left it alone.

Well one day, I had gotten off early an drove the car into the garage. About an hour later, he come flying by the house, heading straight to one of our neighbor's house ( a single female). About 10 minutes, I headed over there and when he came out, he was looking really stupid. He stated that she was selling her bedroom furniture and he wanted to see how it looked because he was thinking about buying it (another lie). A year later, I became pregnant That's when I got a call from his old girlfriend who told me that he always calls her, he calls her own his job, he comes over to her parents house and tells her that he wants to sleep with her. She said that she has moved on and that he cheated on her real bad. He started going to her job sitting at the bar while she was working. She asked me did he bring a steak plate home. She stated that she had cooked it for him. He had offered me some of it and for some reason I wouldn't eat it.

I then got a phone call from one of his co-workers who informed me that he and his boss took two women to the hotel and had sex with them. He said it didn't happen, but I know it did. On the top of that, his assistant started calling all times of the night. I would ask him why was she calling him when he was off the clock and he stated that he was still her boss and if there were something that she didn't understand, she would call. . When she called my home 5 in the morning is when I told him that I had enough. Later I would find her jewelry in a box hidden in his trunk, when I asked him about it, he stated that she wanted him to take it to the pawn shop because she couldn't get a good deal on them. They also told me that he would have sex at the work place with his assistant and drive to her place an have sex. Time passed and my mother was stricken with cancer. So I had to drive 8 hrs to see my mother he stated that he couldn't get off work, but when I would call, he would always be at home. The excuse he came up with was that he was too tired and his boss let him get off. I begin to notice that he would call me a lot and ask when was I coming home. I know he wanted to try and pin point where I was, so that he could do his thing up here. One day, I decided to leave early coming home, and when I made it home he had just made it there also. He stated that he had gone out to get something to eat. That morning while he was at work, I started cleaning up our bedroom and noticed sex stains on his pants and there in his pocket were two condoms. I confronted him about it and he stated that he didn't know why he had them in his pocket, but he didn't do anything. He stated that he had picked them up at work, another lie. I then found out that he had been visiting another old flame on his way home from work. She confirmed it.

We finally tried to work on the relationship or rather I was doing it alone. About 2 wks ago, we had just made love before he went to work he told me that he love me and didn't want me to leave him, and he didn't want his daughter out of his life. We talked off and on that night. Then I decided to call him back to tell him something. Well when I called him, I don't know if he accidentally press the talk button or what, but I could hear him talking to a female, He was telling her that he was going to have sex with her. He told her to come back in 10 minutes and drive her car around the back. When I called him back to tell him what I had heard, He lied and said he wasn't talking to a woman, he was talking to one of our guy friend. I know what I heard and I know he was talking to a woman. He has lied to me and cheated on me before, during and after my pregnancy. I told him that I have made up my mind to go back home. Now he is saying that he wants to go to counseling. He stated that he has a problem. I just don't think that this guy can be fixed. He has done this in other relationships. It's a habit or something he has learned when he was a child. Does he have a sexual addiction? I know since the 3 years I've we've been together there has been 5 women that I know of, even though he says he has never cheated on me. Or is he just an individual that lies and thinks that he can get away with having sex with all of these women because in many ways I've enable him to do so. I know that it is dangerous sleeping with all of these women. He didn't even think about his unborn child when he was doing all of this and through it all, he is continuing lying and saying he hasn't had sex with no one when it all has come out in the open. Help, I'm at a crossroad. Frustrated

I don't know if it's sexual addiction
or not. Aren't you afraid of STD's?
Condom use or not, you could still
catch something. Some men, it seems
are spoiled when it comes to sex.
Some of the sweetest and best person-
ality guys I've ever known are just
pushovers when it come to having sex.
I suppose maybe they feel guilty, but
not enough to stop their wrong behavior. If it were you doing these
things, you would be considered an
easy old "hoe". Not just by him, but
everyone who knew anything about it.
Whatever you do, don't stoop to his
level by doing what he's doing. You
will be judged differently than him.
Sad and unfair, but very true.

Your husband absolutely has a sexual addiction. Do what you can now to set boundaries with him and let him know what you will and will not tolerate.

You have the right to expect him to be absolutely faithful. You're going to have to let the evidence speak for itself. He probably doesn't know at this point what is true and what is a lie. He's had to tell himself so many lies in order to live with what he's doing. I'm sure at this point he believes the lies he's told.

If I were you, I would start to get things in place for a structured separation in which he has the option to get his act together or he will lose you. Most men won't open their eyes to how devastating and wrong their behavior is until they face the real possibility of losing everything.

I would maybe allow him to go to counseling and I would go with him. If you want to work things out, you guys have to immediately start doing everything together, besides work...so you can account for where he is at everyday while you are both in counseling. And I know you know his work hours. Keep him accounted for. But, only do all of this if you really want to make it work and ONLY if he seems to want to also. He could be just blaming sex addiction on all that he knows he has been doing and it could be just a lie like many others. He might be trying to also manipulate you b/c he knows you are fed up but you always forgive him or forget it. Or believe him.

Once completed with counseling...I would cut some slack on doing everything together but I would tell him, If you want to make this work then it is up to you. If not, then say you will leave and DO IT! Guys are like children, when you make threats you have to follow through or they will never take you seriously.

He is probably cheating b/c he can. Most guys are like that. Men are predominantly very selfish creatures. Not all men but almost 99% are "programmed" to only think about their needs and wants and satisfaction at the expense of everyone else.

My son's dad did the same thing. I contracted 3 or more STDs and even my doctor advised me to stop sleeping with him after my third one. My son's father had been lying to me the whole time and I had no reason not believe him b/c I didn't know any better. Guys lie very well.

And it's bad when your doctor is giving you advice.

Always let them know that you can and will leave at any given second.

No one deserves to go through that, despite all of his excuses. Do not let him pull you in and make you feel sorry for him. He is the one hurting you over and over. And will only continue if you let him.

Think about your daughter to and that he did not care about her safety while she was in your stomach. That was what did it for me. I was pregnant the whole time my son's father was sleeping around, lying then coming back and sleeping with me. Some of my STDs could have been fatal to my unborn child while he was so little and still growing. Or worst...I could have gotten AIDS. But, my son's father didn't care. And he wasn't using condoms b/c I confronted the girl after a friend told me that they were talking for awhile and she had had every STD that I had had.

Stay strong for yourself and your daughter.

Good luck.

He needs to work on his problems and you don't have to be his personal doormat in the meantime. Get out now. Sounds like you've gone through years of abuse and lies. Why? You're putting your life at risk and you have children. Your children need you to be strong. I'm sure they see the strange behavior of the man in your life. Your children need you more than your husband.

Poor you. For goodness sake get out of this ridiculous relationship. Your man is bare faced lying to you and must think you're stupid if you're swallowing his blatent lies. He cannot love you enough to sustain a relationship with a child if he can't stop having sex with other people. My first husband was much the same, cheating on me from day one, even having an affair whilst planning our marriage and spent his stag night with her. And he never stopped, even to this day, although he's married again with a little boy, he's still having sex with other woman. Get out now whilst you still have some life left, and find someone who loves you and who will treat you right. Good luck x