Interesting words.

I was just thinking about this the other day. We are childhood sweethearts - well, I believe that's what he expression is.

We've known each other since our early teens and have been 'together' almost that long as a couple. And who the hell sits and thinks at that age about a relationship lasting for the rest of your natural life and what you both want to get from it - and all the contracting that goes with it.

I'm coming round to believing that there's no one else involved - although I am being very, very, very mindful to keep both eyes firmly open to what is happening round about me and when.

One thing that has changed over the last year is my shifts. For most of my working life, I have worked unsociable shifts, hence we both of us have had many hours of personal time each week. In the last year, this has changed and, for the first time, I'm working normal hours and really enjoying it. It has however meant that we are spending a lot more time together than we would usually have done. Most people would assume that this is a positive development, however it also comes with it's downsides, which I believe we both of us as experiencing at the moment.

We have started attending a couple counsellor and, as far as I can detect, my wife is telling the truth thus far - a fantastic development in itself.

Which is EXACTLY why I cannot get to grips with the fact that something just doesn't feel right. I'm a kinesthetic person and I trust my feelings and instincts - they rarely let me down - and something, just. doesn't. feel. right.

My wife's male work colleague, who I mentioned in my first posting, is going to be a player in all of this - if he isn't already. She has some contact with him outside work because of overtime requirements and she seems to feel the need to walk to other parts of the house when she's speaking to him on her mobile - her private mobile, rather than the work mobile, which is interesting also.

I kind of get the feeling that she's skimming the surface of something just now and there's more to come. I'm focussing on remaining positive and doing the best I can to be a supportive and loving husband. That is the part of this that is totally in my control. We'll see what happens.

I've been involved in a few scrapes in my life but this is singularly the most nervous I have ever been.

There are a lot of positives about being with the same person for the rest of your life, it all depends if you are happy within yourself and don't blame the relationship for other things that are going on.
It is important to know what the other person is feeling and indeed what their needs are. There is a lot of material written about the different needs of men and women so nowdays there is no excuse to plead ignorance.
I have gone over your postings again very carefully and I get the impression that perhaps your wife is looking for more attention from you. The other man at work might be providing the boost to her ego that she desperately needs.
Is she the type of person that needs a lot of reassurance?
When she told you about the rumours at work, it was really to see whether you cared and to let you know that someone else might be finding her interesting, don't you see?
It is a bit immature of her, but, as you said, you are childhood sweethearts so perhaps your love is still at that stage and now needs to move on to a more mature standing.

Also, any change always needs time for re-adjustment. You suddenly spending a lot more time together might at first be interfering with the routine that she had created for herself whilst you worked unsociable hours, but in time, if you work together you can reap the benefits.

It sounds to me as this is a time to think about how to move this marriage forward into the next decade, I have a feeling its going to be brilliant.

Hi,
Listen to your gut feeling!! You know something is not right. I felt something was wrong w/ my lover for many months before I found concrete evidence of an affair. Do the detective work and when you find something- Get out. You are being disrespected. I'm sorry I know it hurts. Good Luck.

Anon,

If it appears that she is lying about something that seems inconsequential, there is a 99% chance that she is hiding something consequential. Her statements when confronting the alleged gossip were pretty damning. Think about it. If you were accused of cheating, would you confront the person by saying, "how could you spread lies?" Or would you say, "Those statements are hurtful. She did not deny the truth of the statement, but tried to make the person feel bad about hurting people's marriages. That is manipulative and shows bad faith.

Frankly, the whole scenario rings false. She makes are a lot of inconsistent and absurd statements. The fact that she is changing the story by bits to explain her blunders is pretty suspicious. Why not tell you the truth to begin with? Furthermore, the fact that you press her and she changes the story instead of getting angry only increases the likelkhood that she is manipulating you rather than telling the truth. Again, she is hiding something.

If I were you, I would talk to the person she confronted about the incident.

Now, when a person gets suspicious they tend to see clues behind every rock, so you have to think carefully.

"4) Although I have felt that all is not right, I have come home early on a number of occasions and returned unexpectedly from business trips and never found anything untoward."
Fair enough, but if she is smart, she is not going to do it at home.

"5) There have been occasions where she has answered the house ‘phone sounding breathless, but puts this down to having to run to get the ‘phone."
This is nothing. If she were having sex, she would not answer at all.

6) I am almost always able to contact her on her private mobile.
This is a good sign. One would expect her to be unreachable when cheating.

7) Weirdly, I sometimes smell a smell in my home that I just do not recognize. Not aftershave, or perfume, or deodorant – just something ‘different’.
Follow up on this. Our intuitions are very good at deciphering puzzles, but it may be nothing.

8) She has recently started to take on some overtime, although does some of this at home (while I am at work).
Unaccountable time is a very important issue.