I found condoms next to my boyfriends bed and we do not use condoms, never have. When i asked him why he had condoms, he lied to me for a while, saying they werent his and he didnt know where they came from. I kept pushing him because i knew he was lying, to tell me where they came from. He finally says that it is REALLY embarassing but: his friend was telling him about how when you use condoms for the first time after being in a long term relationship you can not stay hard because you are used to not having a condom as a barrier to feel sex. My boyfriend stated that he decided to use a condom to masturbate in order to see if what his friend had told him was true-that you can not stay hard when using a condom. He said he lied at the beginning because he thought he got rid of the extra two condoms (which i found unopened) and was shocked that i had found them. He said he did not knwo how to tell me such an embarassing masturbation story.

We do not have a past of cheating on either part and i have never felt that he was cheating before. We have been dating for over four years and i sleep at his place 6 out of 7 nights a week. We are both in college and live within a block from each other and have mostly mutual friends. I need advice.. he tells me he feels awful that i am doubting his actions and he states he can not comfort me in any way but by telling me "the truth", he did not cheat. Is this a completely bullshit story or is my boyfriend just into weird stuff? Should i end a 4 year relationship on a maybe?
Thank you

It really seems like he is lying. I would be shocked and suspicious to find condoms too. That is shady because condoms are used for sex and sex with you and him never involves them so yeah.... I would just keep my eyes peeled if I were you. It's good that you told him about why you were surprised to find them and he HAD to be a little nervous about his less than stellar attempt to cover his tracks. Now he knows that you are onto him in a way though so he is going to be more sly. Which is why it's important for you to ACT nonchalant but be watching and investigating like a hawk and see what happens.

On the other hand, keeping tabs is exhausting and makes you wonder why you are with someone you have to stalk basically. So therein lies the real question. Do you give him a chance to rebuild trust or do you split and find someone who doesn't lie right to your face? I'm still trying to answer that for myself. All in all I think the ability to lie to you equals disrespect and there are too many fish in the sea to linger with an eel. No excuse will ever excuse a lie. Keep that in mind when he tries to blame you for his lies. Letting go is hard to do. Maybe the hardest. But think about the big picture and where you want to be in the long run. Does it still involve a guy who lies? He's insulting your intelligence. I know my response seems harsh but I just can't stand when guys think it's ok to mess with their gf's or wives hearts and minds and think that we will just be dumb enough not to notice or something.

I dont believe you should leave the relationship off of a maybe. 4 years is a lot to waist over a maybe, you need to keep your eyes open and just watch him. If you have never had a suspision of him cheating then maybe he isnt.

Good luck

I would keep a very close eye on him if I were you. His story sounds a bit fishy to me. As for opportunity to cheat, believe me, where there is a will there is a way. When I suspected my husband of cheating I would dismiss the idea based on the fact that he spent 7 nights of the week with me so when would he have the opportunity to cheat? Well, let me tell you, he worked with this woman who he had placed on night shift on purpose so that he could visit her in the morning before he started work. She was quite happy with the arrangement and it went on for 3 years before I found out I am not saying your boyfried is cheating, just to keep an open mind.

To the lady above me:

You just sparked something with me. Not to take away from the original post but, my bf has been lying to me about a woman at work whom he very obviously has a crush on. I tried with all my might to tell myself there is no way he could cheat because he is with me all week. That all changed however when I realized that he has called her at strange hours and is supposed to do an out of town job with her. I'm going out of my mind. At this point I may be damaged goods. I feel like I will be screwed over if I DON'T scrutinize the actions and whereabouts of my next boyfriend(s). Ugh. Why are people so shady? How come men can't just break it off if they've someone new? Why is honesty so difficult for some people? The truth hurts but deception hurts more. Way more. Sorry, I just like to vent.

I hate to be brash, but:




As a man, I can tell you that yes, that is a rumor I've also heard. However, to "test" the rumor, not once, but twice (2 empty wrappers, right?), is absurd.

As for my suggestion, I can't tell you what really happened. Noone can. Trying to answer that question yourself will drive you insane, simply because you will never know the answer.

Instead of answering that question, ask yourself different questions.

Of all the time you have spent together, why does it seem all of a sudden you are doubting him? Your instincts are telling you something, you need to listen.

Even if he didn't do something, he lied about it when first questioned. A question you should ask yourself is why are you putting up with that? Why are you letting yourself be deceived before the truth is told?

Do you want this relationship to continue? Do you believe and trust in him enough to forget this event has occurred? Do you believe his excuse and trust that is the truth? Do you forgive him of his lie because of "embarassment?". Embarassment in front of friends is understandable; in front of a sexually involved significant other is quite the opposite.

Although I respect the people who posted above, I disagree with "watching him". Granted, it may seem all you want to know is the answer. You already know the answer. The answer is that a suspicious event has occured, once lied about and once given a ridiculous excuse about. Your instincts is what is driving you to this board to question the outcome, one that you are not happy or settled with, otherwise you wouldn't be here.

"Watching him" will only do one of two things. One, you may find out he's cheating on you. That will hurt worse than suspecting he is, whether you believe me or not. Two, you search frantically for "clues", driving yourself crazy in the process, and ultimately possibly ruining the relationship anyway by either taking his privacy away because you don't trust him or finding meaningless events to collaborate into a ridiculous theory that makes no sense.

It's time to ask questions YOU can answer, not ask questions that there will never be answers to.