I read his messages to the other girl. He told her he thinks about her all the time, has to see her. Another message he was begging her to see her. So, I conclude that she rejected him in the end. (after a few kisses) She has now married someone else and he has asked me to marry him.

Here is my problem: I am concerned that she will end her marriage and come after him. How will I ever know the truth. He says that he never wanted her anyway. It was all a game. He was just amusing himself.

I love this man more than I have ever loved anyone. He is the one true love of my life. How will I ever be able to believe that he really wants to be with me? I feel like I am the second prize. I am afraid that I will always live with the fear of him running off with her, or someone else. Maybe he didn't get her so he is settling for me. I am going to go to counseling to try to get my own head straight. He has said he will do anything and agreed to go to counseling with me.

What I feel is an important detail: I am 37, she is 20. Will he always be chasing after younger women? This is the most horrible time of my life. I'm newly engaged. I'm supposed to be ecstatic. We have a one year engagement and hope to work this out.

I'm having some very bad days. I don't know if I will ever get over this. First session with counsellor is a week away.

I can tell you are in a lot of pain.

If my fiance did that to me, I would definitely leave.
That's not a fun game to play on someone. If I EVER catch him talking to ANYONE else in a way that shows he has feelings for her (even if he says he was playing), I'm GONE. Now I haven't caught him. But you have.

If you don't want to forget about him forever, I think you should try getting some distance from him.. emotional and physical..
you may meet someone else, who knows?
then he'll be left with no one.

thanks for the support long distance. This message board is my only outlet. I can't tell my family and friends because I am still engaged. I don't want the pressure from them to end it... or I don't want them to judge him and give him a lifetime of hell if we do marry.

Here is a real weird fact: The day this man bought my engagement ring with his little boy in tow.... he texted the other woman the words "you are beautiful"

I love him but that is warped. He had better stay in therapy until he is remotely normal.

Thank god I found out before we got married. There is a chance to either start out with a strong marriage or end this before a marriage starts. Why am I still with him? Because I cant imagine ever loving anyone else this much. He and I are amazing together. Every relationship goes through rough patches, I am hoping that this is all this is. He is immature, a bit sick and this is a rough patch.

Hi Unlucky, Look, I'm not going to give you the same candy coated reply, some of which you have gotten. The bottom line is this guy is using you, hurting you, cheating on you and is undoubtedly going to make any situation that crops up in your marriage YOUR problem. Spend less time on this forum asking questions on what to do and analyzing if your relationship is going to work and so on, and more time reading the endless posts of people who have had the same exact thing happen to them, before AND after the wedding bells. I was one of them who couldn't see the forest for the VERY THICK trees, and it just doesn't work.

Everyone I believe makes mistakes and should be given the opportunity to make ammends for them and be forgiven. Stupid as I was, I made the unfortunate error in not taking my own advice. One mistake is enough...the other mistakes are all intentional and if you can accept, live with and be happy in a relationship where your partner INTENTIONALLY does this to you, then perhaps you need more therapy than the perpetrator. And with that said, I am in therapy myself for doing exactly that. I allowed the 1st, 2nd, 3rd and probably 4th, 5th and so on to continue, giving forginess and hoping for a change to happen.

Don't be a fool, like I was and probably many others here would say. Do Not Marry this man. End the relationship, cry your eyes out for days on end until you can cry no more and then let it go. Move on. If you don't face what this is now, trust me you will face it somewhere down the line and it isn't pretty. Therapists offices are full of women like us who have had to live through hell. M