he likes stories of me and other men. likes to hear about them and me when we are in bed fooling around. he cums by mastrubating instead of intercourse. I hate telling these stories most made up. we do not have an open relationship although once he said i could be with another man as long as i told him about it. i have lost so much respect for him. he has since stopped because i said i was going to leave. I still feel he'd rather hear me talk about other men and me, instead. please tell me why he is like this and what I can do to feel connected to him again and should I? been together 12 years no children.

He does sound ill. It sounds like he needs the fantasy. Just stop,refuse to participate in his fantasy. Tell him how you feel about it and how you think he has a problem and maybe needs therapy. Just curious is he a porn addict? That would explain alot. Only you know if you can feel close to him again. If he prefers this over having sex with you it is going to damage your self esteem from feeling rejected.

I know it won't help, but you are describing me to a tee. Married 19 years, 2 kids. Have spent time trying to figure this out, but can't come up with a reason or behavioral description of whi I am so turned on to hear about my wife's past with other men, in detail.

She's not the loose type, a small number of partners, most from college days. A few of these were one night stands with complete strangers. One incident involved a drinking/stripping game ending in sex with one guy, possibly two (she doesn't remember the second guy, but vaguely recalls someone else in the room watching). Another involved a roommate's bf's friend who had her, very roughly, in every way thru the night. It just seems the more random and sleazy, the more it turns me on.

I too have told her, even encouraged her to have random sex with someone else just to hear about it. Though repulsed at first, later she said there was someone she would "do", a sales rep who called on her work, a mutual attraction. What a dangerous game! She ended up going to a conference sponsored by his company in Las Vegas. I encouraged her to go for it. She said nothing happened (but there were tell tale signs that something went on) I'll never know.

One difference, my finish is having sex with her imagining I'm the person she just described. This eventually got old with her, as she rightfully felt that our sex was not about us, but about me getting off hearing about her and other guys. I backed off, but there is rarely a time that I don't imagine I'm someone else having random sex with her. I'm able to hide this well.

I know this is wrong and there is something mentally askew, but it is who I am. And I can't begin to come up with a reason why I am like this or change, and I doubt that he will either. And I'm not a porn addict.

I'm sure this doesn't help your situation but its another perspective from the other side. Sorry so long, but I have never revealed this to anyone. It feels good to finally get this out. What a great site for this kind of thing.

thank u for your response. i am willing to accept hime for who he is, but i need more of a connection. when he said i could be with another man, i ended up being with the other man, but i didn't sleep with him and came home and told my husband, he got off, but after told me that he doesn't want me to do it again. Instead I feel like he just said that to seem"normal". there is no normal. i love him, but now want to engaged with the other man from time to time. Now i can't tell my husband and i feel like a lair. i told him i accept him unconditional. but he is acting like he's not like that anymore, sometimes he reverts back to that story of the other man. should i feel guilty? i feel like i was trick. i feel he isn't being honest with me or himself about his fanstany. do u think he knows about the other guy and our ongoing relationship? and he just doesn't ask about it, just imagines it?

Wow, it sounds so familiar. As much as he likes the stories, fantasy met reality head on. And maybe he can't handle it. I don't think you were tricked, nor has he changed. After the excitement of the fantasy wears off the reality of you actually being with someone else sets in and he's thinking she actually went thru with this. Twisted and confusing.
In a moment of passion my wife admitted she had sex with this guy in Las Vegas. I was on an erotic cloud for 4 days. But when the reality of her having sex with someone else set in it really bothered me. She sensed this and recanted. It was both a relief and disappointment to me. Its like I want to hear about sex with others but also want her to be faithful. Its completely unfair to her and you.
You shouldn't feel guilty. I seriously doubt he knows about your ongoing relationship or he would be asking a lot of questions. Have you had sex with the other guy?

I really doubt that he has changed. I haven't. Like him, I just don't say anything any more. I even suspect my wife had a brief tryst in May. I'll spare the details, but a lot of "evidence" pointing to it. I haven't confronted her, she will just deny. As bothersome as it is, the thought of it still excites me. Messed up, I know.
Good luck.