My story is long but I am going to shorten a bit. My H had an affair with my best friend of (28 years) and another women. He gives the reason it was because he had left me, which I was unaware of because he was living away due to travel and work reason and never told me. We had been married for 26 years and had 3 wonderful children. This was 18 months onwards I have tried to encourage and nurtured the relationship back. We had some counseling and he was unhappy with it and so we stop. He has contact the OW (best friend) on numerous occasions and denied it to me. We are suppose to be recoiling the last 3 months but I pick up in little things that made me aware that he was seeing her again. I played detective and I was right. Of course he denied it. I had to meet with OW to find out the truth and of course, it is never all the truth. He has not once committed to stop seeing her. I told him to ring and tell her he would not be seeing her, he told me to ring her (this is because she was my best friend) He always made the excuse that she was my friend and how could I throw our friendship away. He maintains she is a good friend. I was under the believe that he was being honest to me the last 6 months. I ask occasionally if he see or heard from you and no. Also I had told him to tell me if he wanted to contact her, this being a trust thing. I am totally confused now, he wants to take me on a holiday and buy me something special for our so call Wedding Anniversary. All this time he drinks till he falls asleep on weekends, like a escape. Any thoughts would be helpful. Confused

It sounds to me like he is in love with you both and doesnt know what to do. he is confused but someone has to take control of this situation. You cant just sit and wait for him to make a choice that could go on for years. One of you ladys is going to have to make a change in order for anyone to be happy again.

He isnt making the right steps to fix your relationship and you know that. He is hidding inside himself instead of facing the world.

You cant keep going on this way, it will wear you down and tear you apart. Take action!

Hi, this sounds like a horrible situation to be in .

First of all : stop being a door mat you're letting that mind game playing husband of yours take advantage of you.

From your post I can tell you are devasated by his disgusting behaviour . The man cannot even play away from home further than your own BF! It's just sleazy . He's sleazy and so is she . Would you do that to her husband if she had one ?

Who cares if he loves both of you : cold comfort for you The Wife who has given him 3 chlidren and been there for him when he has been away working you have been working just as hard but you didn't go and have an affair with his BF did you ?

Give your BF an ultimatum tell her to get out of your husband's life or she gets out of your life for good.

It's time your "hsband", started showing you some RESPECT right now he has it better than fine and loses himself in the bottle . Time to get radical and start calling the shots you've been abused , misused and mistreated by him and her far too long.

Go on the holiday but make sure you tell him you're in control and he must not see that woman ever again or he'll have to leave then make sure your assets are covered and explain the next steps will be even worse.
How dare he treat you like this and then have the gall to tell you about FRIENDSHIP what a creep (sorry for using such language ) but really the man is a monster. He was/ is having a long term affair with a woman who says she is your BF and then he lectures you on friendship. What kind of a man does this ? What kind of a woman who claims to be someone's BF allows this and what does it say about you to let him. I know this will be the hardest thing you ever do in your life but you must not allow yourself to be so brutally dis respected .
You are a wife, a mother and you deserve dignity and consideration. This is so horrible you have to take positive action straight away.Please for your own dignity and self respect. Tell him he shapes up no more affairs or he leaves for good and while you're at it stick him on AA or something tell him that won't be tolerated either.

Good Luck have faith in yourself you can't be a victim all your life .

Thank you for the feed back, I really needed it, tonight he invites a female work friend over, she is intoxicated when she arrived and he had lied to me about drinking in the day, so he was too. Didn't ask me if it was ok to have her over and I had to drive her home, to top it all off, he flirted with her in front of me.
The children were here during the evening with their girl friends. Not a good example. Forget the holiday this is a insult to the hilt. H wonders why I get angry? I do appreciate everyones feed back, as I been in a turmoil for so long. My self respect is holding by a threat, and you doubt yourself so much. I made arrangements for counseling for myself, but I have to wait. Really can't take much more, exhausted.

I read this post and my heart sank. He invited a drunk co worker back to your place and in front of you and the children he flirted about and was drunk too then he made you DROP her off. What is going on here ?

Look I know you're exhausted but if you can you must take steps to be more assertive . He needs counselling not just you! If anything he needs to learn how to treat his wife and to stop hurting her any chance he gets .

This is going to be tough . Tell him what he's doing is wrong, cruel and spiteful, tell him you're not going to put up with it any more and tell him if he continues you're leaving or he is .

Please .