I found out that my husband was having an affair with a friend of mine October of 2007. The affair had been going on for about 6 months. So I have been dealing with this love triangle for over a year and a half now. I will try to keep this short and to the point. At first he stayed with me and said he wanted to make our marriage work. But he couldn't stay away from the other woman and continued his lies and seeing her. So after about 6 months of that I just couldn't take it anymore...mentally or physically. So I told to him he had to move out it was over, that I wanted a divorce. I had to do somethink, I felt like I was falling into a black hole and would never come out. I was seeing a shrink trying to deal with all this and was prescribed Prozac. The physical results of the affair on me are horrible. I have lost weight, I am exhausted all the time, can't sleep, drinking too much, smoking too much, and ended up in the emergency room at one time thinking I was having a heart attack. Turned out it was an esphogual spasm caused by extreme stress.. That was year ago and I still have pain in my neck from that.

He moved out in March of 2008 there had been very little contact mostly eaill concerning finances. While he was gone I worked very hard to get myself esteem back and get healthy again . I quit smoking, started eating healthy and exercising daily...lifting weights and riding my bike 10 miles a day. Life was getting better even though I still missed him.

Until the beginning of June. I got an email from him stating that he couldn't stop thinking of me and missed me so much. It made me feel good and think that maybe he had figured his feeling out and we could get back together. Then, I got an email that evening letting me know that my husband was spotted with his girlfriend in a place we used to frequent at our New England residence. I was at our Florida residence at the time. I flipped when I got that email...I couldn't believe he could send me an email like that while he had his girlfriend at my house in my bed. So I called and vented all my feelings to him. One week later he was back in Florida (that is also where girlfriend lives) I start getting many eamils while she is at work from him telling me he wants to come home. In these conversations he told me he got served the divorce papers the week his girl friend was with him in New England. I though that after getting served his walking papers that he faced the reality of losing me. So after several days and convesations I agreed to let him come home but with certain stipulations. One being he could never contact girl friend again. Well needless to say he could not keep that promise for even a week and is still lying to me.
I have been in New England with him for 2 weeks now, as we planned to stay together and work this out. But I know he has stronge feeling for her and he tells me he is not sure he can never contact he again. He is obviously in love with both of us or thinks he is. I love this man more than anything, but I can't share him. I just don't know what to do anymore......when his is with me he misses her...when he is with her he misses me. How do we solve a problem like this????

I 'v e been in a similar situation with my H, I admire your courage, I to feel the same, devastated and exhausted, my H has been contacting the GF so I found out the last six months behind my back, its been 18 months since I found out about the OW my best girl friend, and he wants another chance, but its hard to get back the trust after they betrayed it, especially after they said they won't contact the other party. You come a long way and managed to get yourself on track, well done don't let him pull you back down, I still in limbo after 18 months. My H hasn't really worked at it, just now he has after I found out about contacting the GF, and I think its because he has no where else to go, he never been open about it and never really said sorry and I know he still thinks about her, that is the hard part. Make sure he is prepared to work at it and be an open book, and that you are not going to be hurt all over again. It sounds like you have come a long way. Don't fall in the trap that I have, being paranoid 24/7, loads of anxiety and the only way to find the truth is being detective. Just to have it all over again and again. I am getting to the point where I be moving on for good if things don't improve. I wish you well what ever road you take.

Forgot the most important thing, that your partner is commitment to see it through and work at it and doesn't give up because it comes to hard, that is what is missing with my H. Good Luck