I need to really let this go. I'm just in doubt that he has really told her and I truly feel that he should own up to what he has done and the total scope of it. I've decided not to butt-in and tell her how he has lied about me and how he made it seem like it was nothing. I've been doing a lot of soul searching and to do that would be like someone trying to kill themselves by purposely pulling out in front of a oncoming car, not knowing who's wife/husband/kids were in that car and how many lives it would affect. I've decided to live silently with the pain. I think the reason it hurts most is because I always thought I could really read people and I know in my soul that his feelings were true for me but he has decided to live a "so so" life instead of what he really wants so that he doesn't hurt his wife and kids anymore. He really is trying to do the right thing. We've totally cut off all contact from each other.

But it still hurts so much, still crying, still empty, still miss him and his friendship and understanding of me as a person. He really got me. The first man ever.