To be brief:

While recovering from CANCER surgery last year, I discovered my husband sitting in the same room as I was, typing in a message to a couple in the city he was about to visit, asking for a "spring fling." He was going back for business, and to pack up our home since we'd moved halfway across the country. I couldn't do it due to the cancer and the abdominal surgery.

He's always wanted a swinger lifestyle. I don't. He claimed he gave that up. But I knew he hadn't given up the wanting, the playing around (whether he actually went through with it, I don't know).

He cheated on his first wife. Claims it was horrible and he'd never do it again. Said this while we were dating and several times since we've been married (11.5 years).

I found condoms in his luggage. I checked the expiration, did some sleuthing, they seemed "fresher" than when we'd needed them, prior to my cancer surgery. His explanation was, they were from OUR use, which of course I wanted to believe, but still wasn't convinced.

His computer shows he's visited "hot local escorts" website, but I can't figure out WHEN.

Well today I find that he paid Ashley Madison. I checked his credit union bank statements, knowing if he registered for an online service he would use that card. Registered in SEPTEMBER...5 months after he was caught emailing the couple, 5 months after he told me he'd never do anything to hurt me and he was stupid, forgive him, yada yada.

Haven't confronted him. Am trying to get my ducks in a row. When he goes to bed tonight I plan to check his work laptop. I can't log into Ashley Madison without login information, but obviously, he's betrayed me so it may be a moot point.

What do I do know? I'm living in a place I hate, with a man who is cheating on me (or at least TRYING to), and I need a game plan.

I know many of you have been in this same "I can't believe it" situation. Where do I start to pick up???

Thanks for listening. I'm devastated.

I certainly feel for you. After almost 30 yrs. of marriage, I also discovered tell tale signs of my husband cheating, while he was working out of town during the week and coming home on the week ends, for the last 2 yrs. I've been going to counseling, and also made a appt. w/ an attorney, to protect myself, whenever I get my "ducks in a row",also. I've confronted him 2 different times w/info I'd found, and all I get is deny,deny,deny and putting it back on me, that I'm wacko and need some counseling help. THE SOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I also bought a book by Suze Orman, mony guro, titled,Women & Money,owning the power to control your destiny. That's also helping educate myself, that I can do this. I'm in the process of getting my finances in order, before I confront him, one last time w/ other info about his infidelity and wanting to hear the truth from him,(highly unlikely), and be ready for me to move out. (I also need to get an apt. to live in, I love our home, but cannot afford to live in our home, w/ my salary. )

You sound like a very strong person and deserves better than him. You do not deserve to be w/ anyone that does not respect or love you. I hope you have a support group of friends and family that you can confide in, to help you get through this. My heart goes out to you,. I found this web-site to be very helpful and supportive of guys that want to satisfy their needs, before their spouse. I hope the best for YOU.