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[b]Alone in LA wrote:[/b]
[quote]Thank you for your responses!  I really appreciate your thoughts.  I know, I feel stupid too for letting it go on for as long as it did.

Sawinski, I think that you are partially true when you say that I was waiting to be swept off my feet.  But, not in a movie style sense.  I wanted him to be romantic and woo me back – that is true, but mostly I was waiting for him to SHOW me that he had changed or was COMMITTED to change.  I don't know what I was waiting for quite honestly.  I think that if he had started going to therapy (individual and then asked me to join for couples therapy) that would have been a good step.  I tried to get him to go to therapy for months.  He was depressed a lot of the time as well.  Maybe you are right - maybe I saw too many "running through the airport to catch the girl before she leaves" - movies.  But, I think I am worth that.  I don't have a self-esteem issue (well, I do but it seems to manifest itself in different ways) where I feel like I NEED to be with someone.  I am quite happy alone, to a fault actually.  I never had a problem leaving someone that did not treat me with the utmost of respect and I was really picky.  Then, a;; of the sudden, I find myself madly in love with someone that is lies to me, cheats on me, never compliments me unless I bring it up, (I could go on and on) – and it is so uncharacteristic of me to stay with someone like that…  I do not know what it is in my heart or soul or what that draws me to this person that most people would have left months ago!  I can see that.  I am not stupid.  Maybe I am just too optimistic and hopeful - and I wind up shooting myself in the foot...

Does anyone else have the problem of trying to see the best in people and hoping that people actually CAN change if they apply themselves?  I know that is why I stuck around so long.  I kept seeing changes in him so it has been hard for me to walk away.  I don't want to leave the man that I love and always wonder.  But, at what point will he have pushed me too far.  I know that no one can answer those questions for me – but they just keep swirling around in my head.  Maybe I will just always have some degree of wonder and maybe that is another weight that I will carry.

I am just devastated.

Thank you again for your feedback.

Warmly,
AILA

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[b]Sawinski wrote:[/b]
[quote]Ok I guess I dont understand why you want someone back that is so selfish and uncaring. He lies to you, doesnt want to do the things you want to do. He rolls his eyes when you want to talk about it. I dont understand why you would want to go back to that. I understand loving someone and being blinded by love, but you dont sound like your blind. To me it seems that you see him for what he is and maybe that is all you get. This nice side of him that you are seeing right now is because he will do whatever it takes to get you back and once he as completed that task he will be back to his normal selfish self.

Now I know that what I have said is easier said then done when you love someone. To be completely honest when I am mad at my husband I think all of those things about him to but I stay so I understand that its hard. I am not saying to leave him or even to stay, no one can make that decision for you.

There is no easy answer to your question. he has to want to prove it to you. He has no right to be "tired" of talking about it because if he wants to save your relationship then he will have to talk about it. You said that he isnt really fighting tooth and nail for you, isnt that a clue that maybe he just doenst really care. I know that if something was to happen with my husband & I that I would be fighting to the death to get him back. there is no way I am going to let him just walk out of my life. There is so many ways this could go, no one can tell you what to do or whats going to happen you have to let this unfold in its own time and you have to make the decision yourself.

You will know if you want him back or not, you will be able to feel it. You also said that YOU have left the door open for him, why? Why didnt you just leave and let him come try to open  the "door"? To me it sounds kinda like you basically threatned him by leaving and now you want him to run after you and chase you until you get swept off your feet. In real life that doesnt normally happen, relationships are hard and they take a lot of work. This sweeping you off your feet like they do in the movies is nothing like real life, that is one thing you will learn.

Good luck, not sure if I helped just kinda rambled![/quote][/quote]

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