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[b]Alone in LA wrote:[/b]
[quote]Ok, so my boyfriend and I have had problems for a while and we have been together a little over a year.  In the beginning of our relationship I felt that he was acting weird with his phone and I asked him about it.  He said that he was not doing anything wrong and that I could look through his phone anytime.  So, one day I did.  Turns out he was sending completely inappropriate text messages to girls.  When I confronted him we got into a big fight but he said that he did not see a real problem with it and that he was just kidding.  I told him that was cheating in my book and he agreed not to do it again.  So, in my mind, we defined some important boundaries.  I was wrong.

Over the course of the year that we were together, there were several incidents that slowly chipped away at the trust that we had.  He would hide his phone, he had women’s numbers saved in the notes section of his phone, he would go out after work and lie about it.  He set up a MySpace page and lied about it - on the page he said that he was single.  That whole year any time I brought anything up, he would point the finger at me as being crazy and he would say hurtful things.  It was always my fault and my issue.  He was never to blame.

But, the kicker was 2 months ago when it turned out that one of the women that he was hitting on worked with me.  The cat was out of the bag and I was humiliated in front of a group of people at work.  We lived together and I moved out that same day while he was at work.  He always underestimated me and never thought that I would, or could, be so empowered.  Maybe he never knew me at all.

So now, everything that I own is in storage and I am living in a hotel.  He and I have talked and he has admitted to most things.  He has apologized and stated that he is committed to change.  But, he does not have a plan.  Yes, he is trying to be nicer and doing little sweet things - but, honestly, I would have thought that if someone that really wanted someone back they would fight tooth and nail until they made things right.  I know I would.  I would sweep that person off their feet to let them know how special they are and how much they mean to me.

The thing is, he is very selfish - clearly.  I prepared all his meals and took care of him the best that I could...  I bent over backwards to help him and he rarely showed any appreciation.  He and I have been through hell with financial and job issues - and I always stood by his side.  He never wanted to take me out or do most anything that I wanted to do.  That is part of why it was so crushing that he would go out with other friends (or whatever).  He has said that that one woman was the only person that he pursued, but how can I believe that?  I don't.

I am so sad.  In part, I am having a hard time forgiving myself for accepting such poor treatment.  And, in part, I am devastated that he could lie to my face for a year.  And now that I have left the door open for him to try to make it up to me or prove that he is committed to change, he is so lackadaisical about it.  I just don't know what to think or feel.  He rolls his eyes when I bring it up so I know that he is "tired" of it, but generally he is amenable to talking about it.  He has started to be the boyfriend that I have deserved all along - but, that is not enough.  I can and do appreciate his change in demeanor, actions and sensitivity, and if he had not screwed with me for a year and lied to me - he would be doing really well.  Even with all that…I don’t see my life without him.

Any thoughts?  Am I a fool?

Can someone change?  If so, how can they show that?  How can someone work toward change?

What can he do to make it up to me?

Any thoughts or feedback would be greatly appreciated.  I do not have anyone that I can talk to about this.  I just really want to hear what some of you might have to say about this situation.

Many thanks in advance...[/quote]

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