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[b]Marie H wrote:[/b]
[quote]splattered,  I don't really know what else to tell you except to see a lawyer about this.  You're probably thinking...where the he** am I going to get the money to see a lawyer?  I don't have any idea how you can do that either, other than sell something, hock something...but I would see a lawyer.  Your situation sounds so desperate, both financially, personally and emotionally.  What a mess!

Sometimes it's hard to determine which is the bigger problem to deal with first...the financial mess or the personal/relation mess.  But it sounds to me like you should probably cash in all your chips and start over, taking the losses and so forth and find a new beginning, without this man.  If this was his first or even second marriage I may not have the same opinion, but seeing as how this is his 5th marriage and most likely not the first time he's pulled this I think it's a pretty safe bet to say you will not be able to fix this situation on your own OR with the help of a counselor.  Sounds like it's way past that point.

Given the facts as you have explained them, I would look at the situation like this - it's either sink or swim and it sounds like you are already in the sink position without a raft.  You are being taken down with the ship and it doesn't sound like this relationship is worth sacrificing yourself for.  This is hard for me to say because we were in somewhat of a similar situation, but not nearly so very deep as your situation.  I loved (love) my husband too, but if it were as bad as you have explained it here, I would be so long gone the dust wouldn't have settled before I would have been long gone without ever looking back.

I know you said you didn't have money for counseling. I assume you are talking about marriage/couples couseling.  If that's the case, most states have some sort of woman's centers that offer counseling for woman in situations such as yours, which in my opinion sounds very close to serious emotional abuse.  See if there is such a woman's center by calling 411.  They may even have financial assistance for you.  I know, because I was up until recently involved in a center in my state as a volunteer counselor for woman in situations such as yours. Other than that, I don't have any suggestions for you.  Get out, swallow your losses while you still have a shirt on your back and save yourself first.  Please, save yourself first.  Divorce yourself from a situation that to me sounds like it is only going to get worse if you allow it to happen.  The writing is on the wall.  Marie[/quote]

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