Truth About Deception

I am in love with someone who, comes to find out, is cheating on someone else with me.  They lied to me about their name and who knows what else.  I am  heartbroken.

Sometimes I fantasize about having sex with another women in a threesome with my husband.

I don't know how much of a secret this is but I will share it. I am secretly disgusted at my husbands sexual way. He is not good in bed. He chases too many other women then lies to me about it all so that when he comes to bed he gives me these quick little nothing like kisses on my neck.. it is sickening. It makes me want to retch. He walks way ahead of me out in public like he is doing me a big favor to even be seen with me. He is so full of his own self and how important he thinks he is. It over shadows everything else. I at one time in the relationship missed him when he was gone... now I cant wait for him to be out of the house. I have never cheated on him... nor do I wish to... he is just boring in bed and in and around on a daily basis. I don't tell him because it would mortify him to know what I... a mere nothing of a mudball woman... thinks of his greatness. I go along with it so he stays in his self delusion. The women flirt with him all the time. He has been with several women sexually in front of me. So that now when he touches me it just plain disgusts me. You know.... I don't mind respecting a man.. but he has to earn it... you cant be sleeping around and chasing other women while married and then think your wife is going to love all over you and respect you. It does not work that way. And if your wife is acting that way then she is just pretending until she has her money set aside and herself taken care of so she can eventually leave you.

Visited my husband Bill's old friend, James. We flew into Memphis for a conference for two days. James was so kind and generous - left his extra car in town for us to use during the conference and to visit my aunt about 50 miles away. After the conference and visiting my aunt, we wound up at James' house - the suburbs of Memphis. I'm a recovering alcoholic with 15 years sobriety. James is a pharmacist. I was in the basement and found a big jar of Percocet - 200 pills - it was open so I stole 15 and took them over a few days. I did not get high the way I thought I would and have told my sponsor and my therapist and some others in A.A., but can't tell my husband. I keep thinking that it will go unnoticed and I'm in the clear so what's the point - just try to go on from here and be a better person from here on in. The problem is that it's eating at me bad - I'm very agitated and feel I will explode unless I fess up to him. But then I think about how kind and generous James was - leant us his car and took us out to dinner several times, and I just can't imagine shattering that all. What to do?