Truth About Deception

I sometimes spy on my former friend. We had a short lived, emotionally charged relationship and I am still reeling from it. He has moved on with his life, and is doing well, yet I am languishing in his rejection of me. I have a lot of unresolved feelings and I have missed all opportunities to share them with him so I am hurt all of the time. I can't believe how angry I am. I had to deactivate from Facebook because his posts made me cry, but I still check his Twitter and his roommates Twitter to see what he is doing. He cut me out completely of his life, and I still feel there is something missing in my life because I am not apart of things. I think i hate him, and I am aware that he wants nothing to do with me, yet I still snoop. I am not sure where this fixation is coming from. It causes me a lot of anxiety to act on my compulsions. I hate that I care about someone who does not care about me. I do not even feel satisfied when i learn what he is up to, in fact I feel worse.

He has a beautiful female friend that lives many states away. He texts her daily and they talk almost every other day. He says they are just friends but he erases her calls and texts. I know all this from checking our cell phone account that we share. He never talks to her around me. They call each other on their lunch breaks or on their way home from work. I've seen inappropriate texts to each other and it makes me feel so sad inside and I cry often about it. When I've confronted him about it, he says that I shouldn't snoop then and he gets mad at me. Then I feel horrible for snooping, but I can't stop!

I've been so close to ending it because of this. I'm a tortured soul. Other than this, our relationship is perfect. Is it so bad to want to be his one and only?

I am a cheater, who wants to turn my life around. I have been in my relationship for almost 15 years we are not married, but we have a 14yr old and 9 yr old. I never thought the day would come for me to do such a silly thing, in what started as a playful conversation to hooking up with someone whom I met at work. I've worked at this job for such a very long time, then he came along - we got on really well, and he was (which I thought was a great friend to talk to). We talked about anything, family, health and sports... He too is in a relationship, but not married until the following year and then began a family. Anyway it never occurred to me that this now married father, won't leave things the way they're supposed to be and live his life. Instead he keeps trying every possible way to keep in touch with me. I've told him, this can no longer happen anymore. He's been caught out TWICE and has confess to his wife about me - She message me on FB to tell me to leave him alone, I really felt her hurt and promise to her that this will never ever happen ever again. It's been 5 months since then, now he's trying to get back at me again. My own partner has no idea about this affair, and it's starting to make me feel really bad about it... I'm at a point where I need to tell him (my partner) everything I did! I sick of living with this guilt for the rest of my life.

I haven"t told every body including my psychiatrist about my affair with A. I haven't told P I slept with A. I feel guilty as hell. P is my husband and I am divorcing him for his affair with B. Not because of his infidelity but because he is horrible to me.