Truth About Deception

Wanted to start a thread about the warnings for Women who are thinking about or are involved in an affair with a Maried Man.

I wish I had known the following before Blindly jumping into an affair with a Married Man. I am hoping to help all the people thinking about getting involved in this type of situation.

-In most cased the MM will NEVER leave his wife and family
-You will think you have met your soul Mate
-You will think this man is the perfect person for you
-Sex will be incredibly intense
-You will feel like you have never loved anyone like this before
-Your relationship will be built mainly on fantasy
-Your relationship will feel like a kind of Utopia
-The MM will tell you stories about how horrible and uncaring his wife is (there are always two sides)
-You will feel compelled to help him out of misery, and feel you will be the best person for him
-The MM will make promises to leave and will find all kinds of excuses that he can't- Children in school, too young, Wife not well, Money, and standing in the community
-Your life will go on hold waiting for something that will NEVER happen, and if he does leave, the guilt will crush your relationship anyway
-You will find yourself blindsided by an abrupt end, either by discovery, or just by a gradual distancing

I just got out of a short term affair with a MM. I too am Married. First and Last time I will ever do something like this. The end of the affair is very difficult, because it is truly like the ending of a beautiful fairytale, except you don't ride off into the sunset on a beautiful white horse, clutching the man of your dreams.
My biggest point is that we must realize that the affair is built on lies, and fantasy. What we are living is what we think Love should be. In an affair, we don't have to deal with the mundane tasks of life with our partner. The MM, has a family at home that makes demands, we are on the side a kind of blissful distraction. For the most part we don't have to deal with the financial, children and mood swings in the relationship.
Just want to see what kind of reaction I get from other people in this situation, or thinking about it.
I have learned alot, read alot, and done alot of soul searching. However I hope to keep healing through helping others.

First question is....how do you BLINDLY jump into an affair with a married man BEING MARRIED YOURSELF?

Ok, even if you arent married, how do you "blindly" jump into an affair???
How can you not KNOW, MORALLY, THIS IS WRONG?
How can you not realize how you are hurting 2 other people (your spouse, their spouse?)
How can it even be "sexually intense?" You're both using each other in "hopes" to find something YOUR BOTH missing?

How can you even begin to think t you found your soul mate in a person who lacks integrity and honesty?

And most importantly, HOW CAN YOU BELIEVE YOU ALREADY DONT HAVE ALL THIS WITH YOUR SPOUSE???
The problem is, WITH THE CHEATER, they arent true to themselves when they are in an affair!

The greatest hottest "affair" will never compare to MARRIAGE that is built on love and honesty!
Strive for that in your marriage!

I was a stupid woman involved in an affair.

The sex wasnt intense..it was guilt ridden. It was awkward and embarrassing!@!!
I realized I did find my soul mate, MY HUSBAND, THE MAN I HURT BEYOND HURT, OK, NOT THE MAN I WAS CHEATING WITH! He was a user! My husband, who forgave me for the heartache and heartbreak I caused him, because I too, believed I was missing something in my marriage, and I was. I didnt realize, I could be ME to him and he would love every second of it..and you want to talk abut intense sex????? Intense sex is with that person you know truly loves you, all of you, the good AND THE BAD, intense sex is knowing, the worst things can happen to you both and you can come out stronger and richer and can face every single battle life has to offer-together.
Believe me, will your prince charming wipe your ass, when youre too sick and cant do it!??O hell no!

You dont blindly go into any relationship, you willingly do so!
Sleepless..thank you for your insight. Im sure there are a lot of women in a fantasy land...but your REAL prince is your husband-IF YOU GIVE HIM THAT CHANCE!
Does he know what you did?

Dear Guest
thank you for replying.
I know what you mean by asking me how did I blindly go into this affair. For me I really didn't grasp or even think about what I was doing and how this would affect my life his and possibly everyone else involved. It is a selfish leap for sure. What I figured out through all of this, is the person I was at the time, was not who I believe myself to be. I didn't really think about the repurcussions, I was led by other needs. In retrospect I do feel selfish, and I do feel I became someone I didn't like to see in the mirror.
Yes I am lacking things at home. But I have come to the conclusion I must look at my husband and try and fix what I have. If I cannot, then I shall move on.
I think we all idealize relationships, or at least I did. I felt at the time that my relationship with my MM was what I had missed out on, and he was my true soul mate. Of course I didn't really know him, I couldn't as I was just eating up the crumbs he threw my way.
I would never condone an affair, and I will never do it again due to the pain it has caused.
No one ever found out about our affair. He ended it.
I have learned alot through this experience...done much reading, working on myself, and now trying to sort through my marriage. I feel the need to reach out to others to try and let them know that the feelings might seem so real, but the devastation it causes is not worth the start.

Sleepness in toronto, I do feel you pain, I was there.

These other women will read your words but in their heads, they will think their affair is the "exception" to what you discribed.

They will believe their relationship is real right up to the point when he leaves them crying ending the affair.


I hope you can fix what you have.
If he wouldnt have ended it, would you have?

My husband had a fling. His ow called me, when we reconcilled.
She too said the sex was intense.
Just to hear that, hurts.
He says, it didnt compare to what we have or even had. It never could.
He also says, if anything was great or good about that relationship he would have left to be with her.

I believe when its right for both people, they stay together.
It cant be intense for one and lousy for another...it has to be mutually intense right? That would only make sense.

So maybe in your mind , sleepless, it was intense for you and not for him. Thats why he ended it.

Not trying to hurt you , just still hurt frm all this.

I agree with guest, you go in willingly, not blinded. We all have some type of morals, we know right from wrong.

I wsnt happy in my marriage either. The time he cheated, he could have just left, she never had to be a secret. I wonder if you ow realize that..for the most part, we want to get rid of our husbands too! I didnt cheat when I could have because I am a wife/mother and I am held to a higher standard in my family. Mom is the backbone of the family, when she screws up, everything is screwed up!
I had another man, that I adored. But, never crossed that line.

When a man cheats, he already failed his wife, hes a failure. Any woman who doesnt realize that, is just getting what she deserves.

sleepless

it's brave of you to post what you did. and i hope people who are struggling with jumpin in to affairs with married people will read what you just posted before doing themselves harm.

sleepless, it sounds like you are trying to get over the hurt you endured IN this affair with this other man.

does your husband know? have you confessed? i think to be truly free from this whole episode, you also need to know that what you had done is WRONG TO YOUR HUSBAND AND YOUR MARRIAGE. i hope that if you haven't already admitted this, that you work on honestly telling your husband what you had done. because your responsibility is to your husband. and your marriage.