I have been in a loving relationship for the last 9 years.

Throughout those years I had three one night stands (not proud), and I was honest about them to my girlfriend on all three occasions and we were able to get through it.

A short while ago her best friend was to get married on a realty TV show and the film crew had to be at the friend’s house to record events up till the day they got married.

During this time my girlfriend would spend a lot of time (once or twice a week) there for 3 weeks. During these tapings there were lots of friends and people but I could careless for the Bride and Groom so I didn't attend.

So on the wedding day I only attended the reception and when I arrived my girlfriend was already a little intoxicated. Anyway, I didn't immediately kiss her upon meeting her because there was so much going on.

Later while we were sitting at the head table I attempted to kiss her and she pulled away. I then asked her, why did you do that? She replied we need to talk.

So I automatically assumed that our relationship was in trouble if not over. So I told her I guess this means our relationship is over?

She replied I tried, I am sorry. To avoid ruining the marriage I sucked it up and tried to pretend nothing happened. Later we arrived back at her house and she had told me that she no longer loves me.

She put a ton of emphasis on this and later told me that she was to pursue interests with the Grooms friend, (who is 23 and 5 years younger than her and 200lbs more than her but has a rich family).

After hearing all of this I was just floored and asked her when she decided to do all this. She replied, yesterday which was the day before the wedding.

So now I am deeply hurt and never thought this relationship would end seeing that we worked out our problems in the past.

It has been 4 days since this has happened and the one time she called she left a voice message stating “stop calling me and my friends and stop sending flowers to my work its over.” She also said that when things settle down we can talk about being friends.

I haven't spoken to her since the day after the wedding. And the only phone calls I made were the same day. Where did all of this come from?

Things were fine 48 Hrs before the wedding. Anyway, I still love her deeply but I don’t see the point of trying to hold on to this as much as I love her to pieces.

What are your thoughts on a reconciliation of our relationship? And to think before the year ends I was going to purpose.

It just really hurts right now! I think this site helps a lot, great site!

Response:

Sorry to hear about your situation.

The pain and confusion which accompanies the end of any romantic relationship can be overwhelming. Everything that was once familiar can suddenly feel strange and unfamiliar. In fact, many couples stay together simply to avoid the type of pain and uncertainty are now experiencing (see, romantic attachments).

And generally speaking, relationships come to an end in one of two ways: A “Sudden Death” approach versus a “Slowly Passing Away” (see, my boyfriend is acting strange).

From your description, it appears that your girlfriend chose the "Sudden Death" approach: A one-sided, surprise break-up (see, Duck). Unfortunately, there is little you can do. In her mind, the relationship is over, and there will be no attempt at reconciliation.

When it comes to ending a relationship, many people like to make a clean break rather than let things drag on with no end in sight. She has probably been unhappy for a while, hid that fact from you, and took the first opportunity she had to move on (see, worth saving).

Unfortunately, this happens to people all the time (see, my wife left me).

That's why it is so important to discuss or ask about a partner's feelings on a consistent basis, rather than let issues build and suddenly be caught by surprise.

We wish we had an easy answer to help you cope with this sudden change of events. But, our best advice is to keep active doing the things you enjoy the most. It’s simply going to take time to rebuild your life, meet new people, and feel like yourself again.

We wish you the best.

Comments (7)

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written by cheated , 02 November, 2006

After reading your response and re-evaluating the relationship it makes a lot of sense. I love her so much to the point that I have allowed myself to accept what has happened and learned a lot from the content on this site. I will not give up on her, but I will not interfere with what she is pursuing. I will sit back and let nature take its course. Like the old adage states, "If you love her let her go... if she comes back she's yours to keep."

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written by Randall , 05 November, 2006

First off, you're the one who dumped the relationship. Your girlfriend is the one who just hung in there. You crossed the line of trust, no matter how you tried to make up after the fact. You broke the bond... Time to move on.

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written by understand , 27 November, 2006

My girlfriend of 10 yrs just broke up with me for a guy who just isn't her type. It hurts like hell I know and with the holidays it just makes it worse. But, if she's willing to just throw away 9 yrs of your life together. Than it's better you know now while your still young and can continue to date than when the looks start going south. My question to you is the same question to myself, do we really want them back and if they do come back, will things really change? Good luck to you!

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written by RayKarl , 24 March, 2008

First off...not to make any issue out of it, but I'm gay and recently broke up with my b/f...and it really hurts allot, when it just ends like that I mean there you are thinking everything is ok well... up to an extend cause obviously only after the break-up did I realize I denied all the signs out of ignorance and the fear of loosing the guy. We had our lives planned out, we talked about adopting kids.... need I say more? We had our dreams, our future's together all planned out, and then one day it all just disappeared. Here is my advice to all the people who feeling what I feel, Life is a unexpected journey, no one can plan your future, live for what you want now, fall in love again but this time learn from of all your mistakes. Always make sure the person you fall in love with feels the same way and that there is no lust, sex etc involved attracting you to the relationship, and love,trust and respect yourself enough to love with all your heart but knowing that each day you spend with your lover might be the last and tomorrow you must be able to depend on yourself to face life! with or without him/her. SO NEVER TAKE ANY RELATIONSHIP FOR GRANTED!!!

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written by jd1234 , 23 March, 2010

I'm with RayKarl. Never take anything for granted and always be honest with each other and share!

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written by Jean paul , 03 February, 2012

My wife just finished with me again, as off when we separated the first time its was very hard to deal with at first was really hurt. But I made a decision to go away for a bit to leave her on her own to have a think, when I came back she wanted me back at the house which I though its was best for the kids and for our marriage as her new years resolution was to make our marriage works, we separated before for few months then got back together for a months and half then finished me again..she said she don't see u together a we work better on our own. Because at the moment our finance is all over the place debts mounting up and she's in a part time wages I came out job lat for the hurt I got from breaking up.. Now he saying let see what the future hold at the mo all she thinking to sort our head out first, about few weeks ago she admit to me that she wanted to be with me and the house wife. But what have changed can some one help me because please I had counseling on my own and she didn't want counseling with me..but she don't say that will never get back together shes not mentioned about divorce all she can offer me at the mo. is friendship no more then that which I accept I shouldn't get too comfort about her wanting me back which I was a bit cautious when she was showing me all pf this signs..if anyone there been in the same situation please I'm prepared to listen as I don't want to lose my wife and kids and in one side I don't want her to feel pushed into something she don't want to..please help I'm leaving it to the nature to take it course of source.

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written by Sagir , 20 February, 2012

Jean Paul,

You should fight a little harder and not be so passive. At least give her a deadline and be prepared to leave her yourself. Living in limbo is hell, as I'm sure you know.

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