I have never considered myself to be someone that lies, I've often thought of myself as someone who can be too honest. I would never put up with or stay with someone who has lied to me or deceived me. However, I constantly lie to the person that I love and want to spend my life with. I don't know why I do it. I lie about stupid, little and unimportant things. He has ended it because he doesn't trust me anymore and he can't have a relationship with someone he doesn't trust and he doesn't know how to get that trust back. I honestly don't know if I could trust someone again if the situation were reversed.

I don't know what to do. I made a lot of mistakes in our relationship that greatly shifted the power within the relationship from us being equal to him having more control, and my lying has only made me lose more of his love, trust and respect. When he is angry or upset or hurt, instead of acting out or making decisions based on anger or pain, he is able to put those feelings aside and make choices based on what is best for the relationship whereas I have done the opposite and have acted out in anger (this is very frustrating for me). I wonder if lying is just an extension of this?

Please help me/us. I don't know what to do. I love him and I know he still loves me. I know we still have a chance if I am able to stop lying to him and show him that I have changed. How do I gain his trust and respect back? How do I stop lying to him? How do I take back all the disrespect and pain that I have caused him by my lying? How do I make him feel like he can trust me and respect me again? He often feels that I don't take the fact that I lie to him seriously. He feels that I don't care about how much it hurts him or that I am truly sorry that I lie to him. When actually I am so ashamed and embarrassed by what I have done I often don't know what to do or say. What can I say when just a few hours/days/weeks before I swore on my life that I would never lie again - only to be doing it again after promising I wouldn't. How does one come back from that? How does one make up for such deception?

He means the world to me and the things I lie about are so small and stupid. I would never lie to him about something important, there is no doubt in my mind about this and I understand that when I lie, whatever I lie about is "important." I just want to stop. I want him to be able to trust me and to not question everything I tell him. I know this will take time but please tell me how to do it. How to help him gain my trust back.

I've read practically everything that I could find on your website about lying and trust and rebuilding, etc. Is there any hope? Can I gain back his trust and how? How do I convince him that it is possible? I'm willing to do anything and everything. I want to stop lying to him. I want him to trust me. I want him to respect me again.

Please help me. Thank you so much.

Response:

When it comes to love and romance people deal with problems differently. Some people are more likely to work out issues in a fairly candid and rational manner (see, secure attachment), whereas other people are more likely to use less effective techniques: displaying anger, concealment, lying, etc.

If you think that your lying is tied to larger issues, such as your anxiety or discomfort with intimacy or perhaps a problem with compulsive lying, then it might be worthwhile to talk to someone about this issue (see, emotional support).

Taking the effort to address this problem, rather than let it destroy your relationship or repeat itself again in the future, is always in your best interest.

On the other hand, if your lying is more situational in nature (see, when people lie), then it might help to focus on the types of situations where you find yourself lying. What do they have in common? Not living up to a partner’s expectations? Fear of dealing with a partner’s reaction? Not feeling like you’re in control of what happens?

Once you’ve identified the situations where you’re the most likely to lie, set realistic goals for change. Don’t promise that you’ll never lie again. That doesn't work. Setting such unrealistic goals only makes people feel more helpless when they fail, which they always do. And not feeling like your in control of the situation, makes it all the more likely that you’ll repeat the same mistakes in the future.

So, it helps to set small, more specific goals. For example, the next time that you notice that you’re not living up to your boyfriend’s expectations, talk to him about it. By starting with a much smaller goal, you’re more likely to succeed. Take credit for your success, and incrementally set higher goals. This is a more effective way to change one’s behavior.

And as far as regaining your boyfriend’s trust, you’ll earn it back as you consistently demonstrate that you’re acting with his best interest at heart. Talk to him about how you are feeling and what you are trying to do. Trust is easier to rebuild, when partners understand each other (see, rebuilding trust).

Comments (37)

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written by Cevina , 23 January, 2007

Thanks for that answer, I needed that. And for whomever submitted that, I am going through the same thing, you are not alone. Hopefully you can save your relationship, mine is past saving.

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written by fallgirl , 25 February, 2007

I could have written that. How do I stop lying, and how do I convince him that I'm being honest? I wish I could afford therapy and meds. Can I just will myself better?

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written by BeenLiedTo , 28 February, 2007

I am exactly like the guy in this scenario. I was in love with a woman who constantly lied to me. I caught her in several lies and confronted her about them. When I did confront her, it was always a contest of wills between us; she would never just come out and admit that she lied. I had to constantly give her "proof" of her lies until she could no longer deny it. I CAN'T STAND IT!!! She always says she's "sorry" but in my mind, if you are truly sorry for whatever it is you're supposed to be sorry for, you will change your behavior (or at least make a serious, convincing effort at changing). At this point, I don't know if I can ever trust her again. She has broken my heart and it's all because of her lies. If you are lying to your boy-/girlfriend whom you claim to "love", by all means do whatever it takes to STOP!

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written by just ended , 11 March, 2007

I am a liar. I have lied to the man I truly love and want to spend the rest of my life with. He is unforgiving and he can't forget it. I have never felt this much pain in my entire life. He doesn't believe anything that I say and that hurts. He became physically ill from worry all the time if I was lying to him or not. It got so bad for him to think that I was actually cheating on him. There is no way that I could have hurt him in that manner. I love him but I lie to avoid his reaction, from something as simple as quiting smoking to what I had done with another man before we got together. He'll never trust me again and I'll never be able to get over him. I just don't see how love ends this badly. When one day everything was wonderful and the next he says "we need to talk, I can't do this anymore." I don't even know how it got this bad. He has no compassion or remorse he even said that he's done the same in past relationships and wanted forgiveness and never got it, could that be he's punishing me for them. If I could have one thing in the world right now, it would be a fresh start with him and only him.

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written by wanting to stop , 25 April, 2007

I am a liar as well. I say stupid things than have to cover it with another lie and then another, I'm tired of it. The worst part is I don't even know what I've lied about...

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written by .StupidGirl. , 09 May, 2007

I cheated on my girlfriend 4 times two summers ago.
Each time I would lie & deny it, then word would get around and it would come back on me. Still, I lied. Until I cheated on her right in front of her. Without even knowing. It's taken awhile to convince her that I'm a different person, but she still doesn't trust me. I've matured a lot since then. I really think I'm a totally different person, and it's been 8 months since I've moved back [long story] and we've gotten back together. I have a Myspace, and she won't let me on it and persists that I 'delete' it. She's so controlling. I know I shouldn't have cheated in the first place, but everyone makes mistakes. I just happen to make five. What do I do?

Sincerely,
Stupid Girl :-

P.S.-Yes, this means I'm gay - get over it.

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written by winter , 23 September, 2007

I have a girlfriend, we have been together 4.5 years. Before she met me she was with another guy for 7 years. She told me me she had never unfaithful to him maybe 30 - 40. She said it was because she did not love him but did not have the strength to leave him. We have had a very good relationship, except for 1 important area. I don't trust her. I am not sure she has been unfaithful to me but she seems to need the approval / validation of men, particularly successful men. We argue about this a lot.

She is a very attractive, Russian girl with many qualities. I am on the verge to quit because of my suspicions that there is something pathological in her behavior that she will not accept.

I have said to her that if she were completely honest about her past and up to the present and I will forgive here.

But in the past in anger, I confronted her about the fact that she had never been faithful in her life - except perhaps before she met me. She says it was because she never loved any previous boyfriends. I think its something deeper then that.

I am confused and tired. Any advice? Thanks.

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written by secret admirer , 23 February, 2009

Hi I'm so glad that I came across this today. Ive had really bad issues with my bf and lying to him about stupid dumb things and now he has pulled away from me and as told me that he still angry with all the lies and doesn't know if he can ever forgive again and that he doesn't even know if he can get close to me again...this hurts so bad to hear from someone i love so much and would do anything for. I want to spend the rest of my life with this person. I'm trying to do everything to gain his trust and I don't know what to do...right now he barely wants to see me..i see him maybe once a week and that hurts...he says its because he put me first for so long and himself last that he needs to do things for himself right now and im basically on hold...he's so hurt by my stupidity of lying to him....I never meant to hurt him as much as I have. I have never cheated on him or would ever do this....I just want him back he's the love of my life.

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written by heart broken , 25 May, 2009

My boyfriend just broke up with me 4 days ago due to my lying. I've only been with him for 5 months but we've known each other from middle school and reunited. i've lied about the stupidest things imaginable from who talked to me at work to talking to my ex about getting my name out of his car. if i were just to say, "baby, i want you to know that i have to contact my ex to get the car out of my name but i wanted to tell you first." that would be great! but instead i lied, got caught and continued to deny it! i was with my ex for 7 years and i did the same to avoid confrontation and to avoid triggering his temper. i feel like when i lie i'm protecting myself from being...i don't know...attacked, bombarded with questions, accused? my ex did all of these things when i was honest...so i figured i might as well lie to just avoid the same thing. i've sworn to my current boyfriend that i'll never do it again..i hate myself for hurting him and i swear on my life that i would never lie again...and of course i did. he's completely done and i'm heartbroken...but now it's time to focus on my problem. best of luck to everyone.

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written by j dog , 25 May, 2009

i have a girl that has lied to me 5 times over stupid stuff im tired of putting up with here lies what should i do im tired of getting hurt but i love her

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written by cdh123456 , 01 June, 2009

I am on the receiving end of all the lies. I have caught my boyfriend lying so many times I have lost count. We have been together for 2 years and just bought a housing together about 7 months ago. I regret it now because I know his lies will never stop. He lies about the littlest things and the things that matter most. I am a very understanding and patient person but I hate being lied to. It hurts so much. Most of his lies stem around girls. In the past he has lied about talking to girls so elaborately that he made up back stories for it. Girl names in his phone turn to guy names so he can keep talking to these people. The conversations are so inappropriate that he had to turn them to guy names but when the truth comes out he says it will never happen again. We are on chance 8. I don’t care if he talks to girls or has girl friends but he insists on hiding things and then when I ask, he loses control yelling and screaming that I am a childish person who tries to fight with him. He calls me names and makes me feel guilty for even confronting him about his lies. His lies don’t stop there; he will lie about where he has lunch or where he stops after work. I can’t believe a word that comes out of his mouth because everything is a lie to me.

I have tried to leave so many times but I love him more than anything. If he loved me as much as I love him he wouldn’t do this to me. I am sorry but I don’t know how you admitted liars can say you love someone when you can’t even tell the truth about the simplest things.

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written by /// , 16 June, 2009

I am a liar too. I meet guys online to talk to when he is not here to gain some self confidence and lie about it when he catches me. I do love him more than anyone can judge, its hard to say how low and crap i feel when he is not around me. These "men" that I meet online mean nothing to me what so over & yet I keep doing it to gain confidence. I dont know what to do anymore! I have booked to see a counselor and also my doctor to see if there is anything mentally wrong with me bar the obvious!

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written by RollercoasterLuv , 21 July, 2009

I have lied as well. and it's sad to say that I lied to someone I truly love. The reason I lied to my BF was because I wasn't sure if he would react a certain way or I was just afraid of his judgment. He is very forgiving and is willing to work through our relationship as a couple but if he forgives me why does he always assuming all the time?.
We are going on our 9th month of our relationship and I have completely put the lies to the side and called lies a quit! Today he asked me a question and I told the truth and what do I get a slap on the face.! So should I have told the truth or not, I am confused. PLEASE HELP.

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written by helpless , 13 August, 2009

I'm a liar as well. I have lied many times to my boyfriend about the smallest things. We've been together for a year and 4 months. I decided to put the lying to a stop and change for the better. 2 days ago, I told him the truth about this huge lie I have lied to him about right from the beginning of our relationship. I don't mean to lie at all. But I just do. I have a too forgiving boyfriend who loves me more than anything but every time he forgives me, I feel worse. I'm sad because I love him so much but I end up hurting him the most.

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written by clareamor , 07 October, 2009

My boyfriend lies to me all the time we have been together for three years and have a 16 month old son,I caught him out on a lie Monday and ended it,I can't trust him and everything that comes out of his vile mouth is lie to me,he's cheated,he's hit me,I forgave him and all I asked for was the truth,I understand that sometimes a little white lie won't hurt anyone,but lies do destroy lives,I hope you all get help,telling the truth isn't going to kill you,if your lying about stuff that happened In the passed what is the point? Your just end up ruining your future

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written by A.. , 09 December, 2009

I have been lying the the guy I love for awhile now. Its always over stupid little things too. Like I have a friend, who is kind of a hoochie and he dosen't like her one bit, so I would lie to him every time I was with her, that or I just wouldn't tell him at all. All these little lies that I have told have cause nothing but heartache and pain. It got so bad that he actually thinks I have been cheating on him. I would never sink that low. He is the love of my life and I don't want to go on without him by my side. Things are so bad between me and him right now that we're not even together anymore. I guess I just always thought he'd come back. Every time I messed up and tried to cover it up with a lie..he always forgave me. I got so used to that I thought he'd never leave me. I was so wrong. Lately all I have been doing is crying and telling him how sorry I am. But, he is right.. "Its not what you say, its what you do." I am going to start doing what I say I'm going to do. I'm going to be the girl he wants to spend the rest of his life with.
I need some advice to stay positive though.
Please, help me out?

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written by Lexx. , 05 January, 2010

ive been on and off with my boyfriend, for about a year now. im 15 & hes 16. we've been through alot lately and all ive been doing is hurting him with the lies that ive been telling him. they are stupid little ones, like he doesnt let me talk to other guys so, i have to lie to him about it.i dont want too but it just happens. every time that he finds out that i have lied, he cries to me, and tells me how much it hurts him, and i promise him that i wont ever do it again, but 15 minutes later im lying again, and i dont even realize it sometimes, i dont want to loose him nd im about to, me and him promised each other forever, and to get married blah blah blah. but the way that things are going it wont last. and all i want to do is to stop the lying , but i just cant. i try so hard. like i deleted all the boys out of my phone, but somehow i just end up lying... hes perfect yahno? i just dont know what to do anymore, should i just break up with him so he could be happy with someone else?

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written by ... , 14 January, 2010

I have lied in the past. I didn't lie about anything real important either, but my wife won't trust me now either. She says she still loves me and wants to stay with me, but every time she is upset or we talk about anything important she reminds me that she can't trust me. It really hurts, I have completely changed who I was and what I used to do just to keep her, but she can't trust me and she says she never will, that the pain will never go away. but she doesn't want to leave me...what should I do...how can I make her see I'm different?

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written by Summer Barton , 20 January, 2010

I have been wit my boyfriend for two years! we have a beautiful kid together that is 4 months old well i lied to him about the stupidest and littlest things and i just cant stop for some reason i try so hard to quit but i feel like if i tell him the truth about some of the things i have done he will completely hate me and not want to be with me no more! i have cheated on him and he knows about it and we arent together because of it he says he cant trust me land never will be able to trust me again i wanna gain my relationship with him but i dont know how too i really need advise! i say im sorry to him and he always just says im a sorry person. i tell im i wont lie to him anymore but i have said it so many times he just cant believe me when i say it for the last time and i really mean it what do i do?!!!

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written by Jayjayy , 21 January, 2010

The person that wrote this little question essay was seriously reading my mind. I've just recently lied to my boyfriend over stupid things. What I've found myself lying about is stuff I shouldn't be doing behind his back. ): I love him SOOOO much and I've promised him I wouldn't do it again. Just today he found out I lied about something and he says he can't even say he loves me anymore. He can't trust me at all and he doesn't know what to do. I know he still loves me, and I know I can't just easily forget about him. I need to change and I'm willing to do anything in my power to do so. He's my everything.

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written by Just sad , 29 January, 2010

My bf lies to me about small things as well, such as what time he went to sleep, about getting to work on time even though he was late, about how he no longer talks to this girl that's been flirting with him, even though I caught him talking to her.

The saddest thing is, I don't mind all these things that he does. I couldn't care less. Even the talking to the girl part.

But he just chooses to lie to me. Over and over again.
It just shows how utterly selfish he is. He is not protecting me with lies. He's making himself appear a certain way to me. He's a fraud.

I really want to leave him, but I can't find the courage to leave because I'm still in love with him. I also have a very low self esteem because of how he treats me, and now I don't truly believe I'll ever find an honest and loyal guy.

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written by Gutted!!! , 02 February, 2010

I met my GF five years ago, she started lying to me then and is still doing it now, she cheated on me 3 months into our relationship with her ex, whom she had previously cheated on 3 times, I don't understand the fact she says she hated sex with him, and claimed she loved me, yet she went and put our relationship in jeopardy by sleeping with him. That was the start of a downhill slide, he claimed he slept with her twice, which of course she completely denied..needless to say I was destroyed, and should have left at that point, but I loved her and she convinced me to give her another chance, and that she deeply regretted what she had done. I think if that had been the end of it and it was just an isolated issue we might have stood a chance of repairing our relationship, but that turned out to be just the beginning, we had massive rows over her contact with her ex after that, and I ended up turning into a jealous control freak, which I hate, even now whenever she is planning to go out my stomach twists into knots and I hate how it makes me feel, we have two beautiful children together now and a relationship that is obliterated through lying and jealousy. She keeps begging me to trust her, and telling me that I should get over what happened, its in the past, but her lying isn't, we recently went on a holiday, and we got into the swimming pool with the kids, I noticed the lifeguard was eyeing her up, and when I looked at her she was staring back at him, I didn't say anything initially, but every time I looked at her she was staring at the lifeguard, and she kept moving away from me in the pool, I got really anxious and ended up remarking with some comment about it, guess what, I am a loony and imagined it, which is what she tells me every time something like this happens, which now brings me back to the present, she is going out this saturday with the girls, and tells me I should trust her, we argued last night, and she admitted after again telling me I imagine things that she was staring at the lifeguard, and she doesn't want to be with me anymore because I am too controlling, she wants her life, doesn't want a loving relationship and hates me, but this is the effect living with a liar and a cheat, she inflicted this pain and misery on me, and she has no remorse, because it hasn't stopped her lying, I love her so much, but I know we have no chance of a future together because I accept she will never change, and i am obviously not the right one for her, although to be honest I don't see how anyone would be, she claimed to love me more than she had ever loved anyone, and this is how she treat me. I just hate the fact that as well as losing the person I thought would be my partner for life and soulmate, my children will have a broken family, so please if you do lie to your partner, consider why, and if they are the right one for you, stop the lying before you cause damage that can't be repaired, whats the worse that can happen if you are honest and truthful?, I'll bet its a lot easier to handle than what will happen when they catch you out lying to them, trust me I know...

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written by suffering , 16 February, 2010

I lie. I lied to my partner so much I would deny things even when he evidence was staring me in the face. We have been together for 5 years, 6 this year and I am a broken woman. I am at the end of my tether because I cant deal with the fact I have ruined our relationship so much. There is no trust left. I never cheated on him but he thinks I did and thinks I am still hiding things from him I cant go out, talk to my friends or see my family, I feel like I am dying inside. It got so bad that I had a total breakdown and ended up in hospital. I am now getting counseling to find out why I have done what I did, the counselor seems to think I do it as a coping mechanism, my childhood was a tough one so I used to deny the fact and make up my own. Only it spilled not other areas of my life and I dont realize I do it anymore. I have to think before I speak to make sure I dont put myself in a situation where I will need to lie or am lying. My Partner has stuck by me and says he wants me to get better and I am trying so hard. To everyone who has posted comments, things can get worse, try to look at your own life and find out what has happened to you to make you the way you are. I am still with my partner but he does not trust me one bit and is constantly questioning me to see if he can catch me out. It is such a strain on my mental state but I am the one who screwed up and I need to take the consequences.

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written by meagn , 21 March, 2010

i lied to my boyfriend over stupid shit i never thought i would hurt him the way i did i feel like shit and i never wanted to do that to some one i love

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written by Tired , 23 March, 2010

I also lie, but I am lucky enough to have an understanding boyfriend. I lied about the dumbest of things. they were things I don't even need to lie about. My problem is that this summer my boyfriend and I had tons of problems with my lying and I swore to him last summer I would never lie again. However now past lies that I forgot about from last summer and before reappeared and he found out. It wasn't that I was lying again it's just that things came back from the past. Now we are back to where we were this summer. I told him if he ever had a question to just ask me about it and I would be completely honest with him, and if i think of something I lied about in the past I have to tell him. We are trying that now and I will write back in a month or two to let you know how it worked for us. All I can say is since I have been in that situation I know how you all feel and the best advice I can give you is come clean and try to start over. It is nice to know others have had the same problem though because for months I've been thinking it was just me and that I must be incredibly screwed up to do something like this.

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written by BSamoa , 05 April, 2010

I'm going through the same situation right now with my boyfriend of 2 years. I used to tell him everything up until about a month ago. He cheated on me and I forgave him for it but he's become suspicious of ME and everything I do. He says he's "waiting for the ball to drop...". So I've started leaving things out about my day...who I ran into and where I went...anything I feel might bring his insecurities out. The problem is I'm not used to being like this with him and forget I purposely didn't tell him something. Then when I make a reference to it he latches onto it and all of a sudden it's EVIDENCE that I lie to him, which I guess it is. Things have been rocky lately and last week it happened again. I haven't talked to him since. I know WHY I lie, I know WHY he's being paranoid. I love him more than I've ever loved any other man in my life but it's gotten to the point where I'd tell him I was going to the store to get medicine for my daughter when I want to go running. Ridiculous. I've never cheated on him.
Sometimes I think I should just so he'll get over it instead of WAITING for it. At this point I don't know if we're gonna get over it or not. I've vowed that if we DO work things out I'm gonna be straight up about everything the way I was in the beginning, and I want him to promise to TRY not to read subliminal messages into everything I say and do... and if he can't deal with it then at least it's the REAL me he can't adjust to...and that means it's not gonna work out in the long run anyways.
All these stupid little lies I tell...the holding back information...it paints a picture I can't live up to.
So my advice to anybody who's going through the same thing...talk to him about it...try to fix it...remember that lying only gets worse over time. It's the small things today but a year you won't even recognize yourself.

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written by a random person , 19 April, 2010

My girlfriend wont stop lying to me, I forgive her every time and give her a second chance but she still lies. Even over stupid small stuff just cause she's worried of how I might react. I catch her lying and confront her, and she keeps on lying until she can't lie anymore. Then she says the truth.
I can't stand it, I love her and she loves me back, we have been over a year together but I don't know if I should stay with her cause now, I'm worried 24/7 of what she might be doing, I don't have any trust for her anymore.. help?

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written by blood-sucker , 16 May, 2010

I am madly in love with my boyfriend and I lie to him all the time about the smallest things. I don't wanna lie to him.....I love him I trust him and I honestly wanna be with him for the rest of my life......Its just that in my past I've done things n past relationships that I regret and never expected for those awful things to destroy my wonderful relationship with this amazing man. That is why I never liked telling my bf things about my past relationships because I didn't wanna ruin what we had. I just wanna stop lying....its easier said than done but I'll do whatever it takes to be honest and win his trust and respect back because I truly love him.

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written by Young and In Love.. , 21 May, 2010

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half and he constantly lies to me.. even about the little things. We've tried breaking up, seeing other people, not talking, talking to someone.. NOTHING works. I hate people who lie to me and I'm at my wits end. I do love him very much and I know he loves me but I wish there was something I or even we could do to make things better and stop the lying. It's hard not trusting him on the computer or when I'm gone and I want that to change.. Any help??

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written by pissed off and fed up , 28 May, 2010

My girl has lied to me every single day... she cries to me just about every night and promises me she won't ever do it again, just to get caught the very next day... it's so fucking frustrating, I try to leave her, I really do. But I love her and she loves me back so I keep giving her another chance. I don't know what else to do. If I leave her then I miss her like crazy but when I stay with her I hurt like crazy because of all the lies. As of recent, I've begged her to take me out of her phone and get a new number and just let me be. I really want her to let me go because I can't seem to let her go. I want my life back, I don't want to be miserable anymore. But I feel as if the longer I drag this out the worse it's gonna get... I don't know, can anyone tell me what to do? Should I just leave and never answer another call/text? Or should I try and change her? I honestly have no idea.... it's killing me.

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written by esmeralda , 05 June, 2010

Please help me!! I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years but we are on the brink of breaking up due to my deceit and lying. I have cheated on him twice with the same guy who I had feelings for before our relationship but I have completely gotten over this guy as I love my boyfriend so much and want to spend my life with him. I lie to him about stupid stupid things and hate myself for it and the pain and paranoia I have put him through. I am so truly sorry for my behavior in the past but I want to change and I know I can I think that my boyfriend has had enough of my shit and wants to move on. I know he still loves me but he is fed up with giving me so many chances and now its over. Please help me...what the hell can I do? I love this guy so much, I just want to rewind everything and put things straight. help!

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written by gutted , 22 June, 2010

Ah man, I feel the same as everyone else here. But nobody has got the answer!! I lied about things which seems a lot worse to my boyfriend than it actually is. But I understand how it seems really bad. We always end and get back together for the past month since he found out. He thinks I've cheated, what makes it worse he never trusts people so I've confirmed it for him not to. He's been so good to me. I was going to change my life for him by moving to the same uni as him. How can I get his trust back? He's so paranoid!

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written by thereallthesame , 08 July, 2010

Well, I have been with my girlfriend for 9 months now and wonder how much longer we will be together. My last relationship was brutal and I was lied to about everything and then ended up catching my ex with another guy and even red handed she lied until he told the truth. I was stupid enough to take her back and she did it again. My current GF hates her because of what she did and the torment and hurt she put me through. Funny part is the I figured out when we first got together that she had lied about how we met and her ex and a few other things like telling me she didn't sleep with a guy that she had. I was PISSED due to the way I was treated in the past and have trust issues. She promised she would never lie to me again and since then I have found out she has. Yesterday I came across something she was hiding and when i asked her she argued with me and continued to lie. We sat up talking and I found out she even lied about a guy when she said she fooled around with him even though she hadn't because he passed out I wonder how many other guys she has been with that I don't know about and if she will cheat and if she has in the past...WTF why would she lie about that and knowing this guy is a family friend I will see him and be hurt knowing they had been together. It just seems like everything is all lies anymore and I don't know what to do I love her with all my heart but I wonder if that's enough to get through this and will I ever trust her again? i told her we would work this out but after reading everyone else's post I wonder if I should waste anymore of my time on someone who doesn't love or respect me enough to be honest.....what should I do?

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written by :( , 27 August, 2010

I have lied and cheated on my boyfriend numerous times and I still want to be with him, I'm not sure why I lie I just do. I guess I thin k I'm never going to get caught but I do. I want to be with him the rest of my life and i know I'm going to have to stop doing these things to him. I know I can stop lying to him and cheating on him. I just know I want to stay with him for forever. Lord please give me the strength.

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written by lousie , 27 August, 2010

ive been with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years now, and i feel incredibly guilty. i lied to him just as we got together about me kissing his best friend before we got together. i didnt want to tell him, because i didnt know how he would react. since then im not honest with him, in the sense that i dont tell him how im feeling or what i feel towards something. silly stuff like like. he has given me maybe 20 chance already. im making his life miserable and making him constantly depressed. i dont want to do this to him and i dont understand why i would if i loved him as much as i think i do. he's lost trust in me so much so that he even thinks im cheating on him - i would never do that to him! i try and try to make it work, or at least from my bf point of view i think im trying. he's told me i have to show him that i can be trusted, but i dont know how? he's ended the relationship but im really hoping i can change and make it right. please help, i need advise?

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written by sheila t , 27 August, 2010

some people shouldnt be forgived

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written by Tweety Bird , 29 August, 2010

I am engaged to be married on Thursday. I have been telling my fiancee lies for a while, but it is because his reaction to the truth sometimes is really harsh. He absolutely loves me and I absolutely adore him, I just admit I have a lying problem. I want to marry him and I want to stop lying, but sometimes it seems so hard. I decided that I will tell the truth and if he yells, at least I told the truth. I see myself making little strides but I want him to be able to trust me again. he has since been looking at who I text and seeing who I call or is calling me. I got guy friends so I am about to tell them not to call me anymore because my relationship with my fiancee supersedes my friendship with these men who actually have feelings for me, but I have no feelings for them. I am getting married Thursday and I am willing to do whatever I can not to lose him. He is such a sweetheart but will leave me in a heartbeat if I continue to hurt him this way. He has been treated unfairly in his past relationships and we have been off and on for 12 years. he is the one I am in love with so I am not here to ask a question, just here to say I am making a conscious decision to do right by my man!!

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