Truth About Deception

I am cheating with a married man who lies

I’ve fallen in love with a married man 2 months ago. Since then we met 2 or 3 times a week, he slept at my home and stayed overnight (he told me his wife doesn't care what he does). We had a wonderful time, full of love.

A week ago he told me one of his sons had leukemia so it was clear we wouldn't meet for a long time and could scarcely talk on the phone or exchange sms. I had some suspicions and I found out his son is at home, very healthy!!!

I haven't told him yet I know the truth as I want to confront him face to face but I can't imagine what can make a father make up such a terrible thing and I wonder when I talk with him how will I ever know what is true and not.

I will be very grateful to have some advice as how to behave, what to ask, what can be the reason he would destroy a beautiful love story (he told me yesterday he would come and see me this week).

Thank you a lot.

Response:

People have affairs for many different reasons: To escape from a bad relationship, an opportunity presents itself, a high sex drive, the thrill of excitement, and so on (see, likely to cheat).

And sometimes affairs are driven by love: People fall in love with someone who they love more than their spouse. Affairs driven by love, however, are usually anything but fun. They are full of stress, agony and regret.

But, please also be aware that some people actually thrive on cheating and manipulating others simply because they can. These people get a kick out of making other people fall in love, only to break their hearts. For them, love is a game, affairs are short-lived and full of lies and manipulation (see, ludus).

If you are the victim of someone who is playing games with your heart, he has probably told you everything you wanted to hear, regardless of the truth.

And while such affairs are fun and exciting, they usually don’t last. People, who start these types of affairs, sweep their victims of their feet, but then they lose interest when their victims fall in love (see, lovefraud).

Unfortunately, your situation sounds more like someone playing games (i.e., “my wife doesn’t care… my son has leukemia”) than someone who is genuinely in love with you. If he is truly in love with you, he would not have told you such lies.

And if he is playing games with you, confronting him will only make things worse. If you confront him, he’ll only tell you more lies leaving more confused than you are now.

While this may be hard to hear, it is probably best not to investment more time or energy in this situation. In the long run, very little is likely to come of it.


Comments (29)add
Mr
written by Norman , 13 November, 2006
Drop this guy. If anyone, male or female, lies once they will lie again. That is not love. Do not try to understand where they are coming from, you won`t. Simply run, do not walk, in the opposite direction to where he is coming from. You sound really lovely and you definitely deserve better.
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written by Jane Mercy , 22 December, 2006
You have the best proof that he lied. What more do you want? More lies?

He cheated on his wife. He lied about his own son's condition (wimp!).

He is probably planning to cheat on you, having found a new prey.

Run and never look back.

Invest your time with men who are available, sincere and truthful and who have your well-being in mind and heart.

Good luck girl!
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Ludas
written by Ahhotep , 05 February, 2007
I just left a man who lied to me and said he was single and has been a married man foe 18 yrs. who is wanting me to hang around and wait for him because he wants to leave his wife and live with me-he asked if I would put my life on hold. I said NO and get lost that I am better than this.
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Dilligas
written by Ike , 05 February, 2007
Don't be too terribly quick to judge him though. After all you ARE having an affair with a married man. He may be lying about his son, and lying in the first place by having an affair with you. But you are involved too and you know he is married.
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written by Alion , 26 May, 2007
Sorry, but you got off easy. You are not the victim here. What kind of woman would sleep with a man whom they know is married?

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written by Learned the hard way , 17 January, 2008
Your kidding... You can't believe that a man that cheats on his wife, can make up a lie like that to you??? Take off those rose colored glasses and get a clue!!!
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written by get smart , 22 January, 2008
What do you think cheating is??? Anyone who can cheat........."lies"!!!
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written by Someone who knows , 15 July, 2008
I am not sure why you feel you are in love after just two months of knowing this man?... I do however understand you, I was married for 8 years and my ex cheated on me, countless times. Needless to say I hated the females who slept with him and wondered how a woman could place her self in such a horrible situation. Well I am now 35 and have been single for 3 years... I recently meet a wonderful man 6 months ago as I was having lunch.. He was charming and seem to take a huge interest in me. I was taken by him and yet held back because of my prior experience.. Well we exchanged numbers after spending lunch together and he wasted no time to call me that very night.. I didn't answer his phone calls for several days and finally decided 'I had nothing to loose' Since then we spend 2-3 days out of the week together and needless to say I feel complete next to him... He is this wonderful addition to my life and I enjoy just holding him and feel at peace in arms.. 'Night and day from my prior relationship.' We just became sexually involved a month ago and as awkward as I thought it would be, it was the complete opposite. He was perfect and so in tune with me... us.. Well 2 weeks ago as we were finishing up with dinner, he pulled out his credit card and out fell a picture of him with a women and two kids.. My mind couldn't process it, was I now that other woman? He was nervous and just looked up at me and said "he could explain." He went on to said he was not in love with her, that she is an amazing wife and mother but there's no love.. He went on to explain his children are to young for him to leave and that they are the sole reason why he has not left. He begged me to understand him and he couldn't stop repeating how much he loved me.. I asked him to take me home I, tired not to cry and not once did I ask why he never mentioned it... I knew the answer to that.. I once was in his wife's shoes. He called, visited me at home and at work shortly after.. We discussed our feelings and how confused I was with this and once we kissed... I became that other woman... I am not sure if we will ever be together, I am just happy to have my friend back.. We are not been sexual since, I am not able to give him that at this point.... I have learned good girls aren't immune to these situations and love as insane as it may sound works in mysterious ways.... This man who is married and treatments me with respect is who I want to be with. I do know if within 6 months if he is still leaving with his wife, I will walk away and thank him for being a wonderful man to me, with no regrets. So to all of you who look down on the other woman, re-think before you judge...
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written by vk , 01 August, 2008
How do you feel been his bit on the side, you have no self respect to be in that position in the first place, you need to realize this guy is using you and his wife. If he didn't care about his wife, why hasn't he left her then? Get real love.
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written by spicegirl , 23 December, 2009
Lets break this down " I am CHEATING with a MARRIED man who LIES????
Hello??????
When did the light finally come on?
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written by the affair to forget , 10 April, 2010
I had an affair that ended recently. We noticed each other in a bar, I with friend, he with a client. His client left and he bought us a few drinks. He left me his number and wrote on a napkin that I should call or text if I am bored. I texted him the next day. He was engaged at that time. We flirted and hung out for about two months. Meeting for cocktails and then having major make-out sessions, which eventually lead to sex. About four months into it, December 2008 he got married. He even emailed and texted me on his honeymoon in Mexico.

I had been married for three years and been faithful to my husband/boyfriend for 10 years. I knew what I was doing was wrong, but I couldn't stop. It was like being addicted to a drug.

I fell in love with him! We spent the night together less than a month after he got married. One night he professed his love for me. He got upset, almost to the point of crying and told me "I am falling in love for you, but just got married to someone else". In May of 2009, about nine months after the affair started he started to act very different. Everything continued, but he acted very different. We had always agreed that, we would be upfront and honest with each other.

To make a long story short, I found him online looking for "pussy" as he put it. I was upset, but didn't let him know it was me.

I did some awful revenge......

I thought it would make me feel better, but I am still madly in love with him. I just don't know how to get over him.
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written by To the affair to forget , 15 May, 2010
What in the hell are you thinking? you are seeing a cheater... who is a total loser. I don't get it with you women. My husband had an affair with a woman after 21 year of marriage and 2 kids. I read these stories and I am happier to be single and if I need some fun I buy some batteries. The batteries don't cheat or give me std's. I can't believe you girls who try to take someone else's husband and then want sympathy! Get a clue that karma with come around. Geez. Gross. Please get some self respect. I hate cheating men, but it takes these home wrecker women to tango. Us girls should be watching each others backs, no? I actually didn't know who the adulteress was with my husband, but I wanted to find out so I could thank her for releasing me from such an abusive relationship. Her husband never found out as far as I know, but the poor guy will probably end up with herpes. I just don't know who she is or who he is. Poor guy. At least I avoided that!!!!

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written by Hopeful! , 28 July, 2010
I met someone I was strongly attracted to immediately. I knew we would get together and the fact I now know he's married makes it very hard for me because I feel extremely guilty but we have fantastic chemistry, the sex is amazing and we get on really well too. I'm hopin that he will leave his wife of 20 years but I'm starting to think it's not likely. I know he's not satisfied with her and tries to see me as often as possible but it's getting to the stage where it's not going to be enough soon. What can I do? Am ultimatum is the only option I can think of which will end it all I'm sure but I've fallen for him massively and want more from him. Any advice? (I know the pitfalls, I know it's horrid of me but you can't help who you're attracted to can you?)
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written by nolongerdisrespected , 07 December, 2010
To Hopeful & all other OWs:
Um yea, you can help who you are attracted to. Starting with respecting yourself and staying away from all MM! So you are afraid to give your MBF an ultimatum? Why? Because deep down you know they NEVER leave their Wives! I am sure you've heard the old song and dance about how his wife is not understanding of his needs and that they don't have sex anymore but live like roommates. HA! Nothing is farther from the TRUTH and you are just living off someone else's scraps. The fact that your MBF has to "make time" for you should tell you right there. I am sure he ALWAYS has time for his wife. Take your rose colored glasses off sweetie and close the bakery shop! Your MBF is one big "cake eater". My H's skanky ow did not believe me when I told her he was free to be with her. Only he chose NOT to go to her. Said she made him want to vomit. And Btw- the big attraction in this case was alcohol! Once MM sobered up he wanted nothing more to do with the ow and anyone else like her...
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written by cheramie , 26 April, 2011
I meet one guy he told me he was divorce two kids an d he was looking for a girlfriend. He told me that I was attractive to me. He asked me if I wanted to be his girlfriend. I never say yes or not, but he told me this has to be very secret between you and me. when he say that, I felt that something was not right. I tried to investigate about him, but no luck his the name he gave was not his real name. finally I ask some one to run his plate number, and then i found out he was married. all he wanted was to be pleased he involved me with lies. I see him every where he doesn't know that I know who is him.
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written by winie A Kamanyire , 14 June, 2011
It is so absurd that you have chosen to move out with a married person.

That's a lie enough.

Would you like to give your life to Jesus Christ and determine your destiny.
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written by sara2001 , 21 August, 2011
These unfaithful selfish men, I HATE THEM. Look at what they are doing to us women. when is it enough. Im just so mad that we allow these men to come into our life and destroy it. I fell for a married man and it has been the most painful experience of my life. and it is all his fault. Hes married, he shouldnt be out there sleeping and making other women fall in love with them. The poor wife has nothing to do with it, shes home taking care of the kids and her man while hes out there sleeping with anyone he can and then breaking hearts. I wish there was some way they could pay back for the pain they are causing.
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written by pta09 , 24 September, 2011
Sara2001 - it's all his fault, huh? Who the hell asked or made you to fall for a married man? Grow up. You're just as much to blame as he is. Karma's a bitch.
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written by KARMAcomingforYOU! , 06 October, 2011
WOMEN (oh wait your not a women YOUR A little GIRL) why the hell are you with someone whos married! WOW!!! YOU know HE HAS A WIFE!!! Would you like it if your HUSBAND with with another women if you were married!

----really?? YOU HAVE NO HEART!!! i am now divorce because STUPID BITCHES LIKE YOU RUIN LIVES!!!
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written by Alex Singapore , 24 October, 2011
Company Big Boss is having affair with his own Marketing Senior Manager, traveling together to Europe to make love behind their spouses. Both are married with kids, woman 40+ with 2 kids and boss with one kid. Everyone is talking about it and disrespect to both of them for behaving like incest. Worse than ANIMAL.
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written by Selenge , 14 November, 2011
I don't think it's fair to come down so hard on the OW. She can't do anything the man doesn't want or allow. The OW doesn't ruin lives, HE does. If it wasn't her, it'd be some other woman. Let's be real here & blame the ones who are really to blame. The OW has NO OBLIGATION to the wife. The husband does. He's the one she took vows with; and I say this as a woman who has been on both ends of this type of situation.
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written by Minnsey , 14 November, 2011
I don't think it's fair to come down so hard on the OW. She can't do anything the man doesn't want or allow. The OW doesn't ruin lives, HE does. If it wasn't her, it'd be some other woman. Let's be real here & blame the ones who are really to blame. The OW has NO OBLIGATION to the wife. The husband does. He's the one she took vows with; and I say this as a woman who has been on both ends of this type of situation.
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written by I luv Char , 15 November, 2011
I met this guy back in June. A family member had just passed away and I really needed someone to talk to and there he was. We had good times and I started to believe he was THE ONE. However, he did a few things that seemed odd and I had to get to the truth. At the end of October, I found out that he has a wife and a child who is probably a year old.

I was so upset! How could I have been so blind? I will NEVER trust another man again unless I investigate first. Poor wife and child! My immediate concern was HIV & STI. Phew negative. So I thought, how many other women is he with? My next concern was the baby. Imagine if he gets HIV in the future, he will pass it onto the wife and then the wife to the baby via breast milk. I was FURIOUS! How can someone take such risks? How can someone be soooooo manipulative, deceitful, cowardly and TOTAL GARBAGE! My God, to think I once thought of him as kind, intelligent, cultured, interesting, etc ONLY TO FIND HE IS TOTAL GARBAGE! Why would I want to continue with scum like this? He is NOT a man. A man who has problems with whatever, has the courage to DO THE RIGHT THING! A man IS NOT a coward who brings in a third party to "band-aid" a problem. I will admit, I sometimes miss the companionship but HELL my values and my belief in marriage are things he will never attain. I am WORTH SO MUCH MORE! I do not mix with GARBAGE! Btw, I alerted the wife to his activities. Poor thing had no clue.
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written by Selenge , 17 November, 2011
I totally understand. I've definitely learned my lesson but dont get me wrong; I blame myself too. My only difference is that me and the MM hadn't had sex yet. It was an emotional affair. I did have a chat with the wife when she called me and that was 2 years ago. They have since moved and I had put him out of my mind until he just started back contacting me (which his wife is unaware of). He's evidently unhappy or else he wouldn't be back contacting me ....smh at their whole marriage. I just don't see why these wives gripe about the OW so much when they're never going to leave him regardless of what he does. I mean at that point, she's only a victim by choosing to stay with someone she knows will never change. That's on her at that point, for sitting around waiting for a man to grow up.
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written by Michelle1511 , 11 December, 2011
Wow, is all I can say!

you other women sure have some major justification going on. Bottom line is, if a man is married, and u don't, yes, u are safe, but once u do find out, then u need to MOVE ON! As simple as that. If u r a REAL woman, that should be an automatic turn off, a serious game changer for you. If u found out he was HIV positive you'd move on quickly wouldn't u, love and all would be out the door. That's the way it should be with marriage. U should be out the picture ASAP. Stop justifying this madness out of your selfishness. "We fell in love". YOU did, he didnt.
"HIS WIFE IS NOT TREATING HIM RIGHT." Thats usually the biggest and oldest lie around, stop falling for it. To sum it up. If a man wanted to leave his wife because he's found everything in you that she lacks, why hasnt it happened yet? Some of you OW, wait after finding out for years, on the back burner. And justifying stuff away. The man isnt going anywhere. Stop wasting ur time on someone elses husband, get ur own husband, if thats what u want to badly.
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written by ... , 30 March, 2012
I was dating a MM for a year. I was only 20 when we met and he was 13 years my senior. He claimed that he was going through a divorce and basically manipulated and lied to me throughout. Being so young, now i realize how naive and stupid i was. Once my suspicions were raised i made sure i ended the relationship. A couple of weeks later i found out that he and his wife were buying a new house and that all of his pathetic sob stories were pure bullshit. To cut it short its the shameless disgusting MM that are to blame. Preying on young girls just to feed their insecurities. This has been one of the hardest things i have ever had to deal with in my life, because i really did fall in love with him. I just hope karma pays him back, NO-ONE deserves to be lied to and cheated on whether it is man woman wife or husband. Anyone that does deserves to die alone because the pain they cause is unbearable. My advice is stay well away from anyone who is 'separated, going through a divorce' etc cos they are most likely LYING! And especially stay away from filthy old using men who can't hack the reality of their shitty lives. If you can't hack being married DONT GET MARRIED IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!
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written by JD2012 , 01 April, 2012
I hate MMs. Wasted 6 years of my life on one and I am only 29. Could have met someone else a long time ago but this idiot wouldnt let me go and I couldnt be away from him. Here I am 6 years later. Him still with his wife and us with a 3 1/2 year old daughter.

I am so over him.
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written by Black qween , 13 April, 2012
I have to say everyone has a good point regarding mm I too got blinded by a married man years after me an my husband parted he a big cheater. But, some woman push there men out there. Like this mw did she had herpes an wasnt woman enough to tell him. And he effected me an when I told her she laugh and she already knew she played him just to get half of everything an blame him when she was a big hoe. So woman can be just as bad as men
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written by lovely1 , 20 April, 2012
Hi I recently also got involved with a married dude from another state and I am married also. I was feeling very very vulnerable because my marriage has many many issues for a long time and I opened my heart to this guy as he was and still is having issues in his marriage as well. After reading all of this, I know it was not right because just as all of you said it is downright disrespectful and says a lot about who he is. I am still dealing with the hurt over him! I fell and no we only had a fling for a few months but still I was vulnerable because of my own marriage issues (married to an alcoholic) it is tough I am depressed most of the time and the dude was there for me emotionally and physically. Now he left the state and I am sure on to the next vulnerable female. He texted me this morning I have not responded because I need to cut contact. He has not been mean to me or abusive ? but i know it is a dead end until I get over him I feel cutting contact is best I will never do this again. I put myself in the wife shoes and feel really bad for her but he told me that she has found numbers in his phone
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