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written by wow , 28 May, 2008

wow great response..
This same exact thing happened to me.
It sucks.

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written by ___ , 14 August, 2008

This is good advice.. I'm in a similar situation, however I'm too much of a weakling to do anything about it.

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written by 1234 , 15 September, 2008

I just recently found out that my fiance is doing the same thing behind my back... my wedding is in 2 weeks & my mood is completely off.

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written by ... , 08 October, 2008

My boyfriend lied about not smoking pot for 5 months, and it really hurt me when a mutual friend let me hear in a voicemail message all the "good shit" he's been smoking. I broke up with him instantly, and he turned it around saying that I should have helped him through it without giving him an ultimatum (me or weed). I'm a lot more shookin up over loosing him than he is, so I think that basically is an indicator that I need to move on.

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written by Mnicole86 , 14 January, 2009

My boyfriend was smoking weed when we first got together. It didn't bother me because I didn't intend on getting serious with him-then I got pregnant. He smoked through my entire pregnancy and then got caught with weed and got put on probation for 6 months. He has been clean for almost a year until tonight he came home and I smelled it on him. His eyes were bloodshot and he was slurring his words. He also had food from a fast food place-which is out of character for him. He doesn't eat past 7 p.m. I can't tell if he's drunk or high. How do I know if he's smoking again? My instincts are telling me he is, but then again I'm wanting to believe that it's just the alcohol.

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written by test , 04 March, 2009

To all guys out there. If a new girlfriend is trying to change you or force you do something in your life you don't want to do. Get rid of her. These things start small, but years down the road she will try to control more and more. A good relationship means mutual respect for each other's lives. You don't have to agree with everything your partner does, they are allowed to have their own life outside of you and be a part of things you may not want to be apart of. Controlling girlfriends lead to controlling wives you don't want to go down that road. Pot is bad, trying to force change on your partner is even worse.

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written by unsure. .... , 10 March, 2009

I've been suspicious or my fiance smoking for a while but never had any proof. Her brother smokes heavily and she's been hiding her drinking problem. Well this morning came downstairs and found a box on the counter with papers, a bag of pot and some joint butts. She tried to say it was her brothers and it was out in the garage but had NO explanation of what it was doing in the kitchen open on the counter. I know she was up during the night. My biggest suspicion is our bathroom off the kitchen has smelled like someone has smoked in there for over a month now. It's never smelled like it does recently. She insists it's her brothers but I have strong doubts. She's lied to me about drinking and this is just too suspicious. What do I do?

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written by racheal , 18 March, 2009

I dont think asking my boyfriend to stop smoking is controlling, when your in a serious relationship you change for each other.. you make sacrifices. My boyfriend agreed to stop smoking and supposedly hasn't for a while..(he usually does it with his friends and at work!!) I found out last night that he's going to buy some from a guy at work to smoke while working! he claims this is the only time but why would it be? how can i trust that? i know that has to be a lie..I want to break up with him to prove im not going to deal with this but im sure we'll eventually get back together at it would all be pointless i dk what to do..i feel like if he cared he would stop and not do it behind my back when i cant find out..he's said on many occasions he wants to stop and move on to better things but im guessing that's not true..what do i do?

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written by Confused and not amused , 12 April, 2009

My bf and i have been together for almost 3 yrs now an at the beginning of our relationship he smoked pot heavily and i knew about it but i was ok with it because i was young and i for some reason really wanted to be with him. Well, after a year of being together i was getting tired of it and asked him politely to quit for me, and he said he would. Then i found out that he was still doing it because one of his friends told me and when i confronted him he said he was and i decided to stay with him. Then about 8 months after that i caught him in the act when i came home early from school and we talked about it and for some reason i can't break up with him. It hurts to even try to break up with him. I gave him one more chance and about 9 mts or so after, his friend told me he was smoking with him a couple days ago and when i confronted him he said he only had one hit. I came the closest i had ever come to breaking up with him and i even said we needed a break but here we are still together and i love him so much. I just can't trust him at all and i have urges to go through his pockets and phone searching for any indication that he's lying to me again. How in the world am i supposed to trust him if he's lied to me so many times? I want to be with him but some part of me says it should be over because there is no way he's going to change if he's already lied and i have zero trust in him at all. I really need some advice.

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written by OlderGirl , 26 April, 2009

When either a guy or a girl shows resistance to their partner's objections to their lifestyle, it shows that they haven't dealt with issues from adolescence. When you'd rather -rebel- than continue a good relationship (assuming otherwise it IS a good relationship) it shows you're not quite grown up. Frankly, at my age, I want a grown-up partner; not someone who's modeling helpless childhood for his children.

Do you want your -total- freedom and independence or do you want to be loved? In my life, I've learned it isn't possible to have both. Most people do some compromising and negotiating. But some issues are deal breakers and drugs really -are- one of them.

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written by Over it , 28 April, 2009

I had been with the same guy for a very long time, and recently found out that they had been lying to me about smoking pot. I am very against the drug and they always knew this fact. They lied to my face this whole time about doing it. I left them, but it is hard because I feel that if you really love someone, you wouldn't lie to them about something you knew would hurt them. Waste of 3 years of my life.

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written by another gf on the receiving end , 12 May, 2009

I've been with my bf for a year and only found out a few months ago that he was a smoker. i've never been with a smoker before so this is all new to me. he was smoking one a week when i first knew about it. Now he smokes 24/7 apart from when he is asleep (well sleeping high for the first hour or two). i never see him straight. i confronted him about it (nicely), i was only concerned for his health and his job. Now, I don't see him and when I do he hides his smoking from me ie. I go shopping and when I get back he's stoned. It makes him happy so I don't want him to stop but just cut down. He said he's been smoking for nearly 15 years. I don't think I'll say anything coz I'll just sound like a whining girlfriend.

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written by zuzu , 22 May, 2009

Being lied to about it is the worst. I don't know what I did to get treated like this. This past weekend, I caught my boyfriend. I found out he had been lying about smoking cigarettes, chewing, and smoking weed.
I was like, wtf.. again? I had already caught him with cigarettes and he told me he'd stop. But then this happened and I'm just so insecure, doubtful, hurt, I just can't believe him. I don't trust him at all anymore, I can't. My friends tell me that once a liar, always a liar..
I'm just so confused by this relationship, we always have a great time together, been together for 3 years, I've never lied to him about anything, I always come out with the truth, we've even talked about marriage so why would he do this to me now?
Does he have some effin death wish I don't know about?
I feel like he ruined a great relationship.. it really was.

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written by Mihail , 28 May, 2009

Don't bother making someone stop smoking weed, you can try to make him/her smoke occasionally. Weed is easy drug, like coffee cigarettes that means he/she can use it occasionally and can stop smoking 24/7. The more you deny something to someone the more he does it if he likes it.
My gf asked me to quit some stuff [i do weed about once or twice a month and that's the limit], not weed related, and gues what no one is perfect. Women are not perfect , they have stuff that men dont like and if men ask her to quit she wont do that easy, but he can ask to lay it down with the thing that annoys him.

I know men that smoke from time to time and have a life that for many is just a dream, a good job, kids, a beautiful woman and so on.

Some one said "weed or me" that's the most idiotic thing i ever heard, some one else said "compromising and negotiating" now that's the best solution. Don't forget you might like to do something he doesnt like and how would yo feel if he says "me or that" , sux isn't it ? , BUT you can compromise and do a lil of that without it to become annoying. EH to much to say and no time.

Sorry for spelling mistakes, i'm not english

Take care

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written by jennybaby09 , 07 September, 2009

my boyfriend is kinda a health freak, and hated me smoking weed when we first got together. i did cut down, im not addicted to it but i enjoy a smoke every now and again, same as i like an occasional drink. but he would always moan at me and ruin my high till eventually, i got him to try it (he wouldnt smoke it but agreed to eat it, and actually enjoyed it) now i only occasionally get stoned but when i do its WITH my boyfriend and are both happy at the compromise!

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written by ... , 18 September, 2009

My BF not only lied to me about smoking weed...he also lied about talking to an ex and doing other major drugs. He knows How i feel, and i broke up with him before, because I feel that you can't change someone. I have seen potential in him, and wanted him to have a better life. Now im lost, how can one person care about someone and the one they care about can't even care about them selves. I don't no what to do. He says hes sorry when I confront him, and that he loves me over his friends and drugs...but does he really

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written by Yadk , 27 September, 2009

I am going through the exact same thing. My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years on and off and 2 years straight through. From the beginning I told him because of fam and past bf's that smoked I couldn't date a "pot head" After telling him this we compromised that I would quit smoking if he quit smoking weed. Needless to say I haven't smoked in 4 years and he hasn't smoked in 4 days. My problem continues cause my cousin is the one that tells me when he smokes behind my bad but everyone I confront him with the facts he tells me it won't happen again. I am at my wits end because I feel like he really could careless about our relationship cause he keeps on smoking. However if I were to smoke cigs again he wouldn't ever give me a second chance. Please help!!

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written by ... , 01 October, 2009

I've only been with my bf for a year and 4 months now. and after the first few months he was lying about smoking pot, which i didn't care at the time. I told him to stop because it brought him to lie. so instead he just lied to me for a year about quitting all together, and then I found out he's smoking cigarettes behind my back too. i dont know if he's going to keep lying or not. and it's sad that i can't decide if i want to break up with him or not. and i just don't understand how someone can say they love you, but they'll blow you off just to get high. and when we finally talked about why he lied to me, all he could say is that i don't deserve him, and he wants me to be happy. Its sad that he doesn't seem to want to put effort into making me happy. I dont know what to do, he has so many depression issues which i can see why he is having a hard time letting to of the pot, or if it is just a good cover up... i don't know what to do. i don't know if its worth my time.

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written by Miranda B. , 04 October, 2009

I've been with my boyfriend for about a year now. Last New Years he told me he'd quit smoking cigarettes for me. He promised he wouldn't touch another cigarette. About two months after that I found out from a friend that he had been smoking. I freaked out, because I couldn't believe that he would lie to me. If he had told me, and had been honest it would have been another story.. We got in the biggest fight, and he promised he wouldn't lie to me ever again, and that he was done smoking. I told him there was no way I could trust him, and somehow he made me actually believe he wouldn't lie. About seven months later, (last night) I caught him smoking, then he admitted he had been smoking for the past month. He started blaming it on me and saying it was because "he never sees me anymore because I'm always working" We got in this huge fight, and he started crying and telling me he wants to marry me and have a family, blah blah blah. I just don't know if I can be with someone who's going to keep lying to me. I'm stuck.

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written by ... , 05 October, 2009

so i wrote the october 1st post. i dumped my boyfriend today. I ended up telling him that i understand that pot is important to him (which i regret now) and that i can see why it was hard for him to let it go. i learned though that they just tell us this shit just so that they can feel better about lying to us! after that supposedly ground breaking conversation we had after i called him out, he hadn't bothered to talk to me in any way, and the only few times i did talk to him he was intoxicated some how. if anyone is in my position take my advice: as sad as it sounds, this happens to a lot of people (seeing how many people post here, and if you talk to some people it is even more obvious) but every relationship is different. I trusted my guy and it failed big time. he ended up turning around his lack of commitment and tried to break up with me, and thank goodness i beat him to it because no one deserves being lied to. trust in a relationship is key, and any slip of this trust is a sign. if they can lie so easily, they don't care. and even when they say that they lied not to hurt you, the fact is they were essentially satisfying their own selfish needs. i really hope this helps anyone. I feel so much happier now that i broke up with him, i'm free of his problems, addictions, and who knows what else.

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written by Trish 1983 , 14 November, 2009

About a month and a half ago I broke up with my boyfriend of almost 6 years. We lived together for 3. The reason I broke up with him because I found 3 pipes and weed. I busted him smoking when we moved it. I asked him not to smoke it again nor to keep it in the house. I know what the consequences are (losing your job, going to jail, lost if interest, depression, child birth defects, if a woman becomes pregnant by a weed smoker, etc). I would not allow it in our home. There is no compromise, period. This is very serious and i can care less what one men mentioned a/t it here. That's it's only weed and it's not a big deal. It IS a big deal. As much as I loved my ex, as hard of a decision as it was, i decided to leave. He lied. He also was lying to me a/t drinking. I can't trust him again/ever. It was not his first lie. Twice he asked me for a second chance but he had 6 years to chance while with me and then 10 more before me. His parents knew a/t it and tried getting him to stop. Will he ever change? Maybe. However, statistics show that people don't change. He can probably quit for 6 months or a year, but i know some of his family members do it and I will never believe him that he doesn't do it when he visits with them.
To people who are in similar situations - get out. It hurts, it's tough, but you don't want to live with a drug addict (yes, if you smoke once a month, you are a drug addict). Educate yourself. Research if it helps. But we deserve better.
Good luck.

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written by Smoking boyfriend , 11 December, 2009

At least your pothead boyfriend wont beat you silly like a drunk one would. There's hardly a thing to worry about when it comes to weed. Just demand he stop if/when you become pregnant and hopefully beyond for the sake of the children

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written by Kiana , 12 December, 2009

After reading all these posts, I realize how big of a problem I have on my hands. I've been with my boyfriend for 6 months. (Now fiancee). I knew when we first started dating, that in fact, he did smoke weed. He was one of those everyday users, that spent every cent they earned on it. I got him to cut back majorly, and he only did it once in a great while. (Of course he lied to me about doing it.) He would always tell me he didnt, and when I caught him, he'd apologize and say he'd never do it again. Then, the next time i caught him it was the exact same thing! Now, last night I found out he was again, and when I began crying he started laughing at me! He told me that he wanted 'the best of both world.' and that he would rather smoke weed than be with me. Since I was so emotional at the moment, I told him he could smoke weed once in a while. Of course, I didnt mean this. I got him a PS3 for Christmas, and he knew it... i told him that I dont feel any need to give him it because I got it for him because it would occupy his time so he wouldnt have to smoke weed. Of course, him being him, said that he'd rather have BOTH or weed. Wow, what do I do? I mean, I love him to death, would do anything for him... but Im sick of this drug!!

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written by anony1 , 27 December, 2009

Well, Notice how it is all MEN who are lying on here to their girlfriends...goes to show that women are more mature than men.
Anyhow, my ridiculous boyfriend came over to my house tonight with stinky fingers and mouth..well, I am not stupid. Yes, they think we are stupid I guess! I said many times...you were smoking a cigarette..I can smell it..and he looked me in the eyes and said No Believe me! Believe me!
Now, this is NOTHING I have ever accused him of before..this is a 35 year old MAN mind you, not some 21 year old kid...and he forced me to believe him..which of course, is only DENYING REALITY...
LADIES..take my advice..do NOT allow men to DENY REALITY TO YOU..if they are, and if they SEEM selfish, or you catch them in SMALL lies before this incident, let it be a lesson to you..HE WILL LIE ABOUT ANYTHING.
Finally after sex, lying naked I said I do not know why you are lying to me...then he said he was smoking weed!!My first reaction was...don't touch me...and that he should leave! I rolled away from him and told him to go...he dressed quickly as I proceeded to tell him I will NEVER be with a man who does drugs. I told him it was absolutely over..I did not tolerate drugs...and take care.
I have to tell you...I feel SO RELIEVED. There were all these small things I could not put my finger on, things that made me doubt him..my inner voice kept telling me not to trust him...so I stayed detached. And he kept saying..Don't doubt me...don't doubt me..YEAH RIGHT! This is after telling me SOOO MANY TIMES he did not smoke pot! Even just three days ago he said he did it One year one time on a religious holiday..now suddenly today "its his culture"! WHATEVER!!! Good riddance.
Now, I am SO HAPPY. The man has declared his undying love to me telling me dozens of times he wants to marry me...but TRUST is the root of it all..and without that there is nothing.
I feel NO LOSS at all since I do not trust him and feel confident enough in myself to know a pot smoking man is NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME.
I hope all you ladies can find this inner strength that I have...He is NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU IF HE IS LYING TO YOU ABOUT DOING DRUGS. PERIOD.

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written by Court , 04 January, 2010

I want to thank everyone who has posted to this forum. It has been so helpful to read everyone's stories as I too have been in a relationship with a man who smokes weed. I have been lied to (who knows how many times) and promised he has quit. As much as I love him, I can't deal with the hurt and betrayal of trust any longer. I have cut off communication this time for good.

I think we all need to notice the similarities in these individuals with selfishness being at the very top. Their wants and interests always come before yours (and mine). Always. Realize this is a personality trait, a characteristic of the person, that will forever be present in your relationship. Do you really want to spend your life with someone who will lie to you, deceive, to get what the want?

I pray that we will all have the courage to get through the rough times/loneliness/doubts so that we may prepare ourselves to a better life for ourselves.

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written by Briana Pollard , 07 January, 2010

haha when i found out my boyfriend was lying to me and smoking behind my back i hit his car with a bat. We're still together and much worse has happened.

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written by fuck our lives , 09 January, 2010

Yeah I was going out with my boyfriend for two years. Lost our virginity to each other. Did everything together. He seemed...like the epitome of the best guy friend, boyfriend, lover. He always took care of me, listened to me and stayed with me for all my mistakes. I'd get drunk and cause scenes, and though he accepted my imperfections, he always wished I didn't have them. Since DAY ONE,however, I told him my STRONG hatred towards drugs. WEED in particular. There were times when I'd suspect shit, but I'm a paranoid girl so I let things slide. One day I asked him straight up if he had done it...he said "I've taken a DRAG". We broke up. We later got back together, and it is only now that I realize that the bitch never even promised me he'd stop. Well whatever, we got back together and just recently I tricked him into admitting he HAS done weed. FOR ALL THE GIRLS THAT ARE GOING THROUGH THE SAME BULLSHIT I AM: 1- fuck our lives for living a lie for so long. 2- imagine the though of your boyfriend THINKING about you

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written by Been there , 10 January, 2010

Kiana, I cannot believe that there is someone that reasoned the same way as me to try to get their bf to quit weed. I did the same thing. I made a deal to get a PS3 if he quit weed. He agreed and then he was back on the same boat, he smoked even more. I then got mad and moved out and now we are on a break. He misses me and I miss him, but I told him until he quits the weed and do something constructive with his life, I will never go back to him. So the break is for him to decide what he wants. Weed or me.

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written by cagirl , 12 January, 2010

Thanks for all your posts. I'm going through a similar situation, and I'm glad to know I'm not the only one out there. To dump or not to dump... that is the question.

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written by Want Him to Stop , 18 January, 2010

To the girl who said her and her bf have been together almost three years, same here. we have been together almost three months and the SAME EXACT story you have is the same with my bf.. Its very depressing because its like i used to do it, and we done it together but i am way out of that stage.. He claimed he quit for a while and he did. He passed a drug test believe it or not.. But girl, make him choose. I am my boyfriend today.. I found out he was doing it last night with his cousin and he acts so 2 faced when he is with him. I honestly dont want to break up with him, but i dont want that mess around my family. It causes way to many problems.. Like cheating and stuff. Because other girls will want to smoke with him and something is likely to go down. I say put your foot down girl. Show him you mean business and you are serious.. it will be hard and if he really loves you he will stop and come back to you.. I plan on doing that.. I want you to know that your not the only one going through this and there is people here that care.. I do. I know how it feels and it is not a good feeling what so ever. Guys just feel like they can do what they want and the girls cant. I'm tired of that. If my man loves me he will come back! and so will yours girl!! Good luck and i hope the best for you!!!!

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written by dyslexicneomi , 21 January, 2010

I know exactly when my fiance is smoking...Just have to look for the obvious and sometimes not-so-obvious signs...



-squinty eyes
-overly tired/unmotivated
-craving a drink
-snacking alot
-eye drops sitting out
-contacts are taken out early in the night
-cancel plans or kinda avoiding you
-cheesin (smiling or laughing alot)


It's easy to tell. My fiance will take a 2 hour nap...then go to bed at 8 and sleep almost 11 hours. Also, I walked into his room and there were two big glasses of milk, cheese its and oreos sitting out along with contact case and eye drops. He didn't look high, but I could totally tell by all the stuff he had on the counter.

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written by Tiffany W , 25 January, 2010

This EXACT same thing happened to me. My boyfriend and I have been together for well over three years. When we first started dating he had smoked weed a few times, but when I found out I got pissed and told him to stop. He promised that he would. On New years eve this year I found out that he has started smoking again this year and claims that he has to in order to help his depression. When I got mad he said that I was being selfish and telling him to stop the only thing that helps him. However, I dont think that I am being selfish at all. I was honest with him that I wouldnt be ok with it from the beginning and he was NOT honest with me when he said that he would stop. I thought that I was going to marry this person and now I just feel like I have wasted the past three years of my life. I am furious and dont even know how to begin to explain this to him...it is awful

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written by hollsballs , 04 February, 2010

so i moved in with my bf six months after we started dating and then realized that he is the biggest pot head, he used to always get high before i would come over and this is why we would talk so much...he promised that he would stop, but then i found out he was still doing it...then he said he would cut down but now he is digging into our rent money and bills money for pot...he thinks this is not a problem. instead of talking things out with me now, he gets high to calm down, he doesnt talk to me, unless he is stoned, and this is tearing up ours/my life. i cant leave him because i love him and we are getting married in eight months. did i mention he wont plan anything until we have seven full days of not fighting? maybe we wouldnt fight if he put the pipe down once in a while...

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written by Just been dumped , 06 February, 2010

Well, to all of you girls who have dumped their boyfriends for smoking weed - i present to you one of those such 'children' that have been dumped; me.

It seems my story reflects many i can read here. My motivation was certainly selfish, and i have been deceitful.

When i was enjoying a smoke, my behavior did not have a negative impact upon our relationship. Yes, i behaved differently, but i was not negative or abusive. Breaching trust, however, is a culpable offense.

In my situation, there were two immediate wrongs being committed:
1. I lied
2. I was controlled

Of course there are negative health effects, but these are my choice to bear or chance. People make decisions that negatively and positively affect our health every day.

I am sorry for my deceit, but what i am more sorry for is not choosing a partner with similar values. This seems the central problem you are all facing.

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written by Giovanna , 12 February, 2010

My ex was heavily addicted to marijuana for many years and when I first began to date him it took me some time to realize how frequently he used drugs. What I thought was more of a social thing I soon realized was a daily lifestyle. He would smoke every day and every night. When we first started to date I thought it would be something that I could help him overcome and really had no idea what I was getting myself into. Early on in the relationship I knew that I could not picture myself longterm with someone who was stoned all the time, and voiced my concerns. It was at that point that he decided that since he knew it bothered me so much that he would make an effort to not get high when he was around me or before seeing me. This worked for us for a little while until he would cancel on our plans to get high or would schedule our plans around his addiction. We struggled through it for a few more months until he finally made the leap and decided to quit. I was so proud of him and tried to offer as much support to make sure he was successful. This addiction affected so many parts of his life, including work and friends. He became numb to so many issues around him and him realizing that and deciding to stop was the best thing he could have done for himself. I was never addicted to drugs so I read a lot about it to find out what I could do to help the process. I read articles & success stories about people who quit and shared them with him often. He finally got rid of his bongs and paraphernalia and cut off those who he purchased from. It was not a smooth road, there were many bumps but he began to experience a lot of side effects of someone who had quit smoking, including very vivid dreams. He also experienced the more positive side effects. He was more alert, he became more passionate about things, he felt more, cared more etc.

He would still do it every now and again but it was a huge improvement from where he was 6 months earlier. After a few weeks, I started to notice that his "now and again" became more and more frequent and realized I was losing him again. He had lied to me about getting high a few times and when I would catch him, we would break up and then he would beg to get back together and promised that he would never touch it again. That was a few months ago. I believed him. But there was still a part of me that wasn't 100% trust worthy of him because of all the times he had hidden it from me in the past. On Monday, he left in a hurry. It made me question him, because he left the way he would leave months ago when he wanted to get high. My gut was telling me that something wasn't right. I confronted him the next day and he swore up and down that he hadn't touched weed in months. I asked him if he thought I was just being paranoid and he finally admitted to me that he had not been honest with me and he had smoked before we went to Montreal and the past weekend to name a few. This was the last straw for me. I could not help someone who was unwilling to be honest with me. And I fear now that with the loss of his job and our relationship that he will begin to fall into the downward spiral again. I am so hurt that I don't have much strength left to keep fighting to help him. He doesn't have many friends here who care about him enough to help him stop either. I love him very much but cannot keep putting myself in positions where I am disappointed and lied to.

When we broke up for good he finally realized that he had a problem and said that he was going to get help. He flushed all the weed and went to a meeting like AA but for drug addicts. He cried and said how sorry he was for hurting me. He said now it would be different because he was quitting for himself. He asked if he stayed clean for 3 months if I would take him back. I told him I didn't think I could trust him again but I would be there as a friend to support him and help him through it. About 3 days later he began to smoke again. He said he was lying to himself and to me and he was not ready to quit. He said he would grow out of it over time and we just didn't see it the same way.

It was very hard but I have decided to not have him in my life anymore. Not even as a friend. Don't allow yourself to be fooled the way I was so many times! Addiction is like cancer to a relationship and trust me in the end you will feel like that part of your life was a waste. I was with him for one year, but I should have left the first month. It will not be easy and I am still feeling the pain of letting him go but I know I will find someone who will not be a drug addict and will be honest with me and I hope my hope inspires some of you who haven't let go yet to take that step. YOU are worth it and don't deserve it!

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written by cparker , 23 February, 2010

Giovanna's story is almost identical to mine. I knew that my ex smoked when I first met him, but I ignored it at first. I never thought it was something that was such a big part of his past and of his daily ritual. When he kept inviting me over and he was high, I would be very upset and he finally understood that I was not going to stick around if he did this all the time. So before new year's hit, he kept talking about quitting. Eventually he did. He quit smoking weed and cigarettes for a little over a year. Coincidentally, it was the same time that we were in a relationship together. Before we got together, I told him he needed to be happy alone before he got into a relationship. Before he quit, I asked him repeatedly why because I wanted to make sure it was for himself and not for other people. I guess I just believed that I was the catalyst for this change that he wanted for a while, but the truth is he only changed to be with me. Unfortunately, that's why he decided he really never changed and he wanted to go back to smoking "to try it out" and see if it was the "lifestyle he wanted again". I know that is all crap, and it was really upsetting that he chose that over being with me. I offered to be his friend, but in the end I just felt too hurt to think that he kind of wins and I lose. He would have a best friend to support him and he would get to smoke again, but I would be rejected and forced to be his friend? Definitely not for me. That is the recipe for resentment. So while he was moving backwards, I decided to move forward. This all happened maybe 4 days ago, and I spent the last few days crying over it. Reading these comments really did inspire me that I made the right decision though. And talking to my friend made me realize it is a strength of my character not to compromise my values and bend for someone else. The truth is, our values were never the same so the relationship's foundation was already weak. I think that no matter how difficult this relationship ended, I am proud that I put myself first.

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written by anon101 , 15 March, 2010

wow equal parts lack of knowledge about drugs and addiction, hypocrisy and rabid androgyny. you're doing yourselves proud girls, keep it up.

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written by st augustine , 18 March, 2010

I can only see trouble for my 3 year relationship with an otherwise wonder man. He has smoked "pot" for years,I knew about this when we met,but was told "it was just a once in awhile thing", when actually its 5,6,7, times a week, before he gets home, before he goes to work, before we go out, before we shoot pool, before we have sex,,etc, etc It's sad I can see his health and his motivation and balance of life changing because of the effects from "pot". ..HE DOES NOT..denies he is addicted. I love this man very much,and I have expressed my concerns and feelings, other than the pot smoking we have a wonderful relationship but I can no longer help him. I had hoped I could add enough love,value,and meaning to his life that he would want to stop or get help to stop. It has become a very real stresser in my health.It's not just the health problems pot smoking has caused for the both of us, but one random drug test at work or being pulled over while driving "high" would destroy everything about our future and the plans we have made, also his career,his reputation with family and friends, his financial security, his retirement. Not to mention losing his drivers licenses and the thousands of dollars in legal/court expenses WHY.....I DONT GET IT....

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written by lulu1230 , 06 April, 2010

Yes about a month ago my fiance told me that he has smoked pot on about 10 occasions over the past couple of years. Only when he hangs out with this one friend that I always knew smoked pot. It hurt a lot more than I would have expected it to. But he says he wanted to tell me all of his secrets before we got married and that he had already smoked his last time and was never going to do it again. I don't know if I believe it but I think he is telling the truth since he also mentioned he would not jeopardize a new government job he is starting because they do random drug screening. I hang out with people who smoke so don't think I am judging. I don't care when friends do it, but it just caught me off guard and really showed me he could be lying about soooo many things and I would never know the difference. It has surely affected our relationship but I am sure with time we can move past it. I told him if he smokes again to tell me and it will be an argument, but if he lies and I find out the relationship will be over for good. I also spoke with the friend since we have known each other for ages and told him that I don't care what he does when he is alone but not to tempt my fiance if he thinks that marrying me is going to be a good thing and he said he wouldn't.

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written by shbella23 , 07 April, 2010

Hey. It's so crazy and sad to see so many people going through the same thing as me. My fiance and I have been together for four years. When we first met he had smoked weed a couple of times in his entire life. He didn't agree with doing it and had no interest in it. But for the past six months he's been smoking a couple times a week. I found out about three months ago when I showed up at his house unexpectedly. I was calm but sad and disappointed. I told him it had to stop and that my trust had been broken. He apologized and said that stopping wasn't a big deal. Since then I've caught him smoking four times. Every time he lies and says he is going to stop but he doesn't. Each time my reaction gets less sad and more angry. He is now buying it, smoking it and trying to lie about it. About a week ago, I was spending the night at his place and I woke up and I realized he wasn't in bed. I walked outside and it reeked of weed. He was out there high with his friend, trying to act like he wasn't. I mean seriously he's going to smoke while I'm sleeping at his house?! I got my stuff, told him to grow up and left. The next day, I told him that I'm not marrying a pothead and that I can't trust him. He said that I was being ridiculous and overly dramatic. He says he finds nothing wrong with smoking weed and says that he likes it. He says the government has me brainwashed and that I don't care about his feelings. I feel like I'm dating a moody teenage weed advocate. This isn't the man I fell in love with. It's like this drug has changed him completely. I'm at the end of my rope. I told him that if he doesn't stop, I'm calling the wedding off. He can also lose his job if he continues doing it since he's gotten caught once before. I don't understand why he is risking everything for this stuff. He thinks it's not a problem but I can see the changes so clearly. I just don't know him anymore

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written by the one who says 'no' , 01 May, 2010

Regarding to the comment by the one who has been dumped: Do you still smoke? Do you think that asking (in your dictionary it will be a synonymous of controlling) for healthy grown up relationship is to much? How you can do something that hurts so much the one you supposedly love? It's not only the health that we are concerned about, it's the life that we want to spend together.
What does have more value for you, love or pot?????????

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written by Oh boy , 03 May, 2010

Stories put me in a better mood... I don't feel so 'alone'/'unique' now... My story is a little different, I'M the drug-user in the relationship, you name it I've probably tried it, probably liked it, and probably abused it for a prolonged period. Still, I've always been one of those rare 'functional users'. I'm in upper-middle management (in science related field), have a good relationship with my parents and community, and am a tax-paying otherwise law abiding citizen.

My fiance has been with me for over 10 years. She stuck with me because I NEVER EVER lied about anything to her. She knew about my experiments with heroin, coke, ecstasy because as she says - I've always loved, respected and been honest with her. I never lied or committed crimes to support these very expensive habits, but probably worked far more than I should have in those tougher times.

I don't cheat, I don't gamble, I work hard, and she and my family are BY FAR, my top priority. Over the past 3-4 years my girlfriend/fiance has been lying to me about smoking cigarettes.

She swears on my life and to G*d that she does not, but ever 3-4 months I'll find a pack or some other undeniable evidence... It has DEVASTATED our relationship in that I absolutely do not trust her any more...

Things were good for the past year or so and we got engaged, a little bit later we got pregnant...

Last night I found another pack hidden and I'm completely CRUSHED. She swears she hasn't smoked since the baby was conceived, and I think that might be true but the thing that irks me is that I DO NOT KNOW!

I'm marrying this girl in just over a month... I love her dearly. She is my soul mate but I don't trust her...

I know she has self-esteem issues and is always worried about myself and others thinking 'less of her' - I know that this contributes to the lies... But even still, that doesn't change the fact that it hurts me.

It also is no longer an excuse considering I've caught her countless times and have tried everything from quiet consoling to out and out rage (so she knows I stayed with her despite it..)

Confused, devastated!

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written by selady , 24 May, 2010

My bf and I have been dating a little over a year. We just moved in together. I have known all along he smokes pot, and I will admit I have done it with him. He got this new job and he works with nothing but pot heads... they smoke all day everyday... even at work... told him that I had dealt with my family smoking and ending up doing worse... he has been addicted to harder stuff to... well he continued to do it... I finally had enough and told him if he cared so little about me that it was over... he said he would stop... now I told him I didn't mind smoking every once in a while when we went out, when we were together... but I keep finding out he is still doing it... I confront him with it and he lies flat out lies... gets made and says why don't you trust me.... I just don't know what to do....he came home today high and has just lied about it... I just want it to be over but I don't know how to break up with him...I am no, longer happy... I just want it to end.

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written by marko09 , 06 June, 2010

Last night my gf of a year got drunk and let it slip that she done methadone on her birthday. She knows I hate drugs more than anything and she promised me she'd never take them. Whenever I asked her about her birthday bash the morning after, she swore to me she never touched any drugs. I'm so hurt that shes kept this from me, and done it behind my back. I found out this morning from a good friend that shes done it many more times without me knowing. The trust is completely gone. I don't know what to do, do I break up with her right now or do I try talk to her? I don't want to be walked over and made a fool out off, but I don't want to let her go..... after all, when's the right time to trust a liar again?

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written by ladyluck99 , 09 June, 2010

It's sad to see so many people going through this problem, but at the same time very reassuring. One thing I didn't see on here that seems to make my situation a little more unique is the fact that we have a beautiful 1 year old baby boy together.
When we first met we both loved to smoke, and to this day I think it's probably why we first fell in love. Being high is pretty great, and it makes a lot of other things really great.
But then I got pregnant, and now I want more than a pot smoking, lying boyfriend. I want a man who wants to be a good role model to his son.
Another problem I see isn't someone who could smoke once in awhile.. once a week or so... It's someone who can't seem to control his self indulgence and given the opportunity, would smoke all the time.. His friends are pot heads, his family condones it, so where do I go from here?

Do I stay with him knowing that I do love him and that if he were to see what he has is better than a drug, things would get much better? Or do I dump his sorry ass knowing that he will never change, and that my son, and myself, deserve much much much better?

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written by Beachgirrrllie , 18 June, 2010

I feel like this is me. my boyfriend has been smoking for years until we met. he promised me he quit smoking pot because he knows how much it bothers me. but i have heard from his friends and hid friends girlfriends that he never stopped. i love him, and do not want to lose him, i just want to know if he is lieing about it.

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written by .... , 30 June, 2010

Ive been dating my boyfriend for about 15 months now, we are a very clingy couple. (Probably because we are seniors in high school.) And just last week he accidentally called me at 3am.. And I could hear his step-brother talking about "The more you cough the higher you'll get" and I could hear my boyfriend coughing over and over again through the phone, This was after we said goodnight on the phone because he was "too tired" and couldn't "stay awake".
Anyways, to get to the point, hes been lying to me for the past ten months about smoking pot. I'm worried about him because on top of putting smoke into his lungs he has asthma.. I probably would have been a little less hurt if he had told me himself, rather than finding out the way that I did. I'm still with him but most of the trust is gone. I just don't understand why he lied to me for such a long time, Ive never lied to him like that. I still love him, hes told me he will stop. I'm just crossing my fingers he will keep his word this time.

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written by Fall12 , 15 July, 2010

I also feel the need to share my story... We have been together for a year, 6 months living together. He had serious problems with alcohol but finally went to rehab and quit. Meanwhile he had another problem with gambling, regularly lost money at play when drunk. When he quit he still played poker weekly + online poker and other online games which require money. Then he started smoking pot. He told me that people are idiots thinking pot is bad and destructive, and I shouldn't worry. But seeing your man sitting all evenings by computer and getting stoned it not what you want from relationships. But each time I tried to talk about it he would just say nothing and ignore me. He was not interested in sex anymore, maybe once a week or so and it was really... lazy and boring. I realized that he seemed to substitute one addiction to another and it really made me upset. We broke up for a different reason, actually he broke up with me because I guess I didn't let him live the way he wanted. And he wanted playing, smoking and spending his time by computer. I am really hurt but I realize that the future with this person seems very doubtful. I just needed to share this cause I am really hurt. Maybe someone had same problems being with a person who had multiple addictions?

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written by Deadly Daz , 15 July, 2010

I smoke weed and love it, it's simple.... My wife hates it (now) and I am farked.... We don't talk to each other anymore, we have been married for 18 years and this is still such an issue. I want to leave her but we are in such a financing bind and we have a child (which I do all of the care for and love more than anything) and feel guilt for the one thing that makes me feel ok, (apart from my gorgeous daughter, and previously my wife...) but now drown myself in a more accepted addiction of alcohol.... I don't know what to do, I struggle to keep everything together, my wife is constantly suspicious and does not trust me. I hate that she changed so much, I don't call it "growing Up", I call it "Growing Old", you CAN have fun with drugs at any age.... Sure I abuse the shit a little, now and then, but, like with the piss, I managed to cut that down until everything escalated.... I have lost all my friends, I no longer trust anyone because I feel no-one can accept me for myself... I have tried to explain this to other people and they just label you as a "Dope Smoker" and the write you off, just like being a Vegetarian.... just try asking what the vegetarian option is at a class reunion...LOL... Veges get as rougher deal as dope smokers, people don't understand either and feel confronted by their own inhibitions and don't know how to react... Who's the grown up one now then.... next thing you will tell me you're gay... WTF!!!! confusion will reign...

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written by wma , 25 July, 2010

To help a person you love and care for?
Or to leave for fear of lost time... Lost life...

He is a great person, loving, caring,
He is a great liar, charismatic, magnetic

Slowly the farce has been revealed,
One pull of the curtain at a time.

Opium has been the cloud, thickening the air.
Raining on... Flooding... Our parade.

Guilt has been the heat, clearing the land.
Evaporate... Dry... Crack...

Attempt to shift the blame, me?
Your problem! MY problem?

_____________________________________________________________________wma19_____

Im still with him.
He's perfect apart from the dishonesty,
Does it mean he's perfect at being dishonest?
Therefore not perfect at anything?

His other favorite people are dishonest too.
Great role models his family are!
Does this mean I have to be controlling to keep him?
Therefore he'll leave and blame me?

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written by needstrength , 27 August, 2010

I have been with my boyfriend for 10 months now. He's mostly been honest with me about smoking weed. He is not working and my savings are finished so now my 1 salary isn't enough for both rents and bills and stuff. I know he has had a hard life. He is very sweet most of the times, when he isn't angry. I want to be supportive and I love him very much, but I am concerned that I may be doing him more harm.

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written by nick0_0 , 27 August, 2010

you all sound like control freaks, i HAVE to lie to my gf about pot why? because she sees it as drugs you'll end up broke, Man there so much drugs all over this country, WTF will a plant do to ya, relax have a good time 1 love, women have issues cause they fuckin think too much, we guys are always wrg so search through my shit, fak some times i think i'll fuckin go gay,,, Joke One love,

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written by RAWRR , 07 September, 2010

Well,
I share my story.
Im 22 gay been with my partner for almost 2 years. When we first started dating I knew in the past he used to do drugs like years ago. Okay well I moved in with him after a month of dating my living situation was shit so he helped me out. Everything was awesome till he bought our house and its a 4 bedroom and his mom and sister live with us because his mom has been living off him since he was 17 and go his apartment.
Well he acts like a kid mostly all the time the last two months the got our 8000 income for buy a house he needed a car and all this shit noooo
he buys animals out of no where he buys animals everyday for months till he has no money.
No we have 10 snakes, 10 spiders 2 ferrets, millions of rats mice hamsters 2 iguanas 4 dogs
etc..
so that took a lot to used to
well my past I have drugie parents and a fucked up family
Soooo Im kinda emotionally hurt still
And I do have insecurities badly and I feel that im ugly
I find out he has been lying to me for almost two years about smoking weed and god knows what..
I freaked because im emotional and that shit hurt me soo bad cant even tell u
the first time i caught him he said he would stop
But, Nope he still does
now that i have made it a big deal he thinks me wanting him to stop smoking is controlling and him hiding it makes him feel like shit
and if i dont like it leave...
well..
for awhile i stopped caring bout that
but me curious as i am I looked into his phone a few times now I know its wrong..
but I HATE BEING LIED TO!!
he does it and he will continue doing it I have no say
I dont know if im crazy for not wanting him to smoke or not
soo now hes high and I have to just sit here as it hurts me soo bad I cry when Im alone,

What should I do?
Thanks