| I cannot let go of the idea of my wife cheating |
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I've been married faithfully for 29 years. I'm having some trouble with past feelings and insecurities with my wife. I have a strong feeling that she may have cheated on me at least once and maybe multiple times in the past. I'm talking about at least fifteen years ago. Comments
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written by Same here , 08 May, 2007
I have the same problem. It has been 5 years since most of the truth came out, I have recoverd from alcholism 4 years ago over it and yet it still haunts me. The least little thing and the vision is all too clear. I don't think it ever goes away.
Votes: +7
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written by porter , 09 June, 2008
15 yrs after marriage, I caught my wife cheating. My wife whom I loved more then myself had slept with more then dozen guys. All these years she sweared on God & myself, I considered her the most faithful, trustworthy person in the world, but she ruined me when I realized that both the kids are even not mine, so please never ever trust a women.
Votes: +55
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written by understand , 11 June, 2008
Wow, what a strange coincidence and I would have thought I was alone with this type of situation. My wife did something about 20 years ago with a friend that will not leave my memory and it still feels very hurting even after all these years. I read the response given to you about focusing on your behavior instead of your wife's and it doesn't really make sense in my case. I was not the person created the mistrust in our relationship and I certainly wasn't the person making the mistake. At times it feels like it was just yesterday. I think that i feel this way because my wife's explanation was not very sincere and believable.
Votes: +27
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written by Ernesto Iturbide , 11 June, 2008
Ok, you guys are or were disrespectful to yourselves, by not acknowledging your feelings and expressing them out clearly, and even if you did you did to do anything to get out and move beyond the relationship. A true quality women will not be flirting or making such comments about any other guys besides her husband. I think you chose the wrong woman to begin with, you should have done your homework correctly. You should not have been this unhappy for so many years. Its been 15 years! You have wasted precious time of your thinking and feeling bad because of this woman?? Who do you love the most? Yourself or this woman? Its evidently that you have had poor self esteem otherwise you could have moved on with your life and perhaps had learned from your mistakes and had found a new woman in your life.
Votes: +6
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written by Dam! , 05 July, 2008
If you change 29yrs to 16yrs, this would be my life. I also feel my wife has been cheating the whole time. She never talked about another guy but when we were younger my little daughter(3 at the time) had a crush on a younger co-worker. My wife would always bake him cookies and drop of little gifts at his house with my daughter. Of course when I confronted her about all the time she was spending on this she claimed it was all for my daughter. As for looking back at my actions, I feel I have done nothing wrong.
Votes: +4
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written by Scout67 , 17 September, 2008
My wife I believe has been cheating on me multiple times we have been married 15yrs. I discovered naked pictures of guys that they had emailed to her and also 14 guys on a myspace site we are currently separated but why can't she just tell me the truth. She says she hasn't. I just need this for closure but she will not admit to anything.
Votes: +13
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written by thenewguy99 , 18 September, 2008
My wife slept with a mutual co-worker at a party one night before we were married. We had only been dating for a very few weeks. I found out by the mark I discovered on her, she admitted it, he admitted it. They chalked it up stating too much alcohol. I just decided it was only sex. We got married, she said that she would never do anything that would harm her children. That mutual co-worker was married at the time of the incident. He came by 10 years later with his wife and kids. He mentioned to me that he would be all over my wife, except that we were friends. He told me that I should have all kinds of women on the side. I asked my wife to not have any contact with this person ever again. She changed her e-mail password and starting taking her laptop over to a friends house. I do computer forensics for a living and my suspicions got the better of me. I took a look at her computer. The logs indicated that her friend was using the laptop. This means that my wife was using her friends computer. One night my wife went next door to "chat with the girlfriend" at 2am, after a block party. I went over a few minutes later to find her on the computer and closing down all of the windows before I got to the computer. She then lied to me and said she was sending an e-mail to her other girlfriend. I presented her with the facts that I had the next day. She finally admitted to being in e-mail contact with the guy that I asked her not to contact. She claims that they are only friends and that I had no right to tell her who she could be friends with. She claims that the only reason she chats via e-mail with him was because I had told her not to do it. I asked her to log in and show me the conversations if there was nothing to hide and it was all innocent. She said she had deleted everything and there was nothing to see. She still doesn't want me to read anything. I met his wife. I think I would not be able to stay with her if I was him either. I wonder if my knowledge of what happened 12 years ago between these 2 and the fact that she is going to such great lengths to hide her e-mail conversations is going to be the end of our own relationship.
Votes: +9
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written by WCSdancer , 17 December, 2008
Sorry to tell you this but that nagging gut feeling that you've had all these years is almost certainly accurate. I went through the same for years and years. This nagging uncertain feeling in my chest that I could never really get rid of, this sadness and pain kept coming back. Without going into details, after years and years of denying and lying, my wife finally told me the truth--she had had a one night stand with someone. Extremely painful, but thank god the uncertainty and questioning are over. That was terrible. But I also thank god that I listened to my heart and gut instincts--they told me the truth when my logical brain couldn't figure anything out. Once again, sorry to say this, but your gut feelings are probably accurate no matter how much your wife denies it.
Votes: +19
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written by Brian55 , 12 January, 2009
This is not good advice. I too am married 29 years. A number of years ago, my wife told me about "Jimmy," an old friend of hers from her early 20's. He had a tough life, lost his father at an early age, and was also in an unhappy marriage. She asked if it was ok to see her "friends," including Jimmy, for lunch or drinks on occasion. I liked the fact that she asked if it was ok. What could happen if she is honestly telling me who she is meeting with? However, I began to get a feeling that Jimmy was not to be trusted, and I told my wife this. She insisted they were just old friends and not too worry, that I could "trust her" to handle him if necessary - which I did with all my heart and soul. Without all the gory details, this weekend I confronted her with some birth control I stumbled across, and she admitted having sex with him starting about 15 years ago, that it had been "on and off," though not in the last few years. She of course said the cause was our own unhappy marriage. etc. My point is - just because your spouse talks about the person she is cheating with, should NOT be taken as evidence that they are not having sex together. Trust your gut.
Votes: +22
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written by PeterB , 13 January, 2009
Their capacity to cheat is exceeded only by their capacity to lie about everything and anything. Their claim about their rights to harbor these "secrets" is as much an insult as the deeds themselves. I have stood by my marriage and my family using my own denial supported by hers for 25 years. I also have tolerated almost complete denial of my rights as a husband. There is no bigger fool on the planet when it comes to marriage than me. Even now when the ultimate betrayal has finally been revealed I have feelings of being just too old and too tired to do anything really constructive, although, I now deny her the cash she once squandered on a regular basis and let me tell you the money means more than anything to these maggots.
Votes: +20
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written by the chump , 29 January, 2009
I got together with my girlfriend 3 years ago even in our courting she got together with an ex then explained it as some unfinished business. In my three years with her she has managed to have three threesomes behind my back, including her friends that used to come by my house and hang out, and pretend to be my friends. Her and her girlfriend had a fun word they called their main sex buddy. She has also had a three year time frame of calling him and having an emotional affair behind my back. The whole time I was having an nervous breakdown and crying to her she would just ignore it.There are no anti-depressants big enough to deal with my pain. And you want to hear the most pathetic part ? I still live with her, she tells me shes changed.
Votes: -8
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written by SJack , 01 February, 2009
Today is 1-31-09 and just found out in august that my wife of 9 years but 11 years total of being together has been cheating on me since 2006 that I know of?? In total I've been able to find out about 5 different men. she has admitted to physical sexual relationships with 3 of them and (texting, phone and email) emotional fantasy relationships with the other 2. However, getting her to admit to the 3 and then only partially. she will only admit to having had sex with each them only 1 or twice however, the text and email contact numbers in the thousands as well as trips across the country to be in the area where these guys are. this has wrecked me emotionally and mentally, I'm depressed to the point o suicide. I found out in august 2008 and we have argued continuously since then. However, prior to that I thought our relationship was good. we rarely argued over the 11 years, I could probably count the times that we argued on both hands thru out that entire time. my life is shit behind this. she says that it is because of my drinking, I've stopped drinking, but in reviewing the bank records, i found that when ever she went to see these men, one of the first things that they did prior to having sex was go and get liquor. Now since I'm watching her email (only 1 account that I do know of) she has warned them that I'm doing so, but one of these ass holes knows this and stills emails her all the while taunting me as he does so. I love my wife but she seems not to care that this is killing me. I seriously mean this is literally killing me. I'm dying. Tessa is my world, and I only know how to be in love with her even with this crap being fed to me. I'm enslaved and can't help myself.
Votes: -12
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written by earl , 07 February, 2009
Sjack, from nearly the same experience as you, i will beg you, if you are truly suicidal please seek help from a professional, believe me i went through the same for 6 years, heavy drinking, depression, and i had a severe breakdown while my ex was carrying on a poly amorous relationship, trust me tessa is only a person, and the sooner you get past her the better, my ex actually hid the fact that she was a prostitute for 5 of 6 years, i still have trust issues, even though i'm married to another woman (my ex and i weren't married thank god) my wife and i have been together now for 1 year and a half, and has proven that i can trust her without question, and loves me unconditionally and understands what i went through, and is patient with my trust issues, trust me when i say once a cheat always a cheat, better to move on without a cheater. not all women are bad, some of us get the predators, but just as there a bunch of men out there that are rubbish, we know that there's many of us that are decent, and committed partners, women are the same, so everyone here please seek counseling if you feel suicidal or seriously depressed, i got help emotionally from my parents, and my best friend, and my wife continues to support me emotionally. take the time to heal, and take your experience as a lesson learned, it only gets better when you're over her.
Votes: +14
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written by MikeS , 20 March, 2009
I got married in November 2008. We?ve been together for 5 years now and have 2 children. I?ve been away on an assignment in another country 3000 miles away since beginning of December. I talk to her every day on the phone and email. In the middle of march while on the phone with my wife she told me that she cheated on me twice ? once in the middle of January and once at the end of January. She is saying that she would?ve never told me have I not been around someone else while I am here. She is saying that it was 1 night stands. Nothing more than just sex. Physical sex and nothing else attached. She is saying that both times it was while she was drunk and after a party.
Votes: +1
My situation is this: Ive been in another country and could not get back to here since beginning of December. I?ve been hanging around this one girl and we did go all the way to second base, but no sex or oral. That was around beginning of March and nothing since. And I broke it off. So. I am not excusing my behavior. I am not saying that one is justifying the other. But now I am not sure what to do. I do not want to leave my children; I do not want to have a custody battle. I am not in the mood to have a divorce. But what are the options? What would you do in my place? report abuse
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written by suspiciousaboutdb , 26 May, 2009
18years of marriage. I just found some emails about sucking and licking last night. Not sure how long its been going on but I had a bad feeling about it. Last year she said a couple of things on separate occasions that shocked the hell out of me. Then there was times when I asked for her phone to set something up that she wanted. she said what do you want my phone for? Well you said you wanted me to set this thing up. She got really excited about it I walked away mad and really suspicious. last night she finally agreed to setup phone. I surprised her she said we'll do it later we went to do something and I followed her and I found her on her phone. I said, " had enough time to clear what you dont want me to see?".
Votes: +1
so I set it up. and I had a chance to see an email account on gmail that I had no idea she had. I looked at her inbox of course it was empty. I did look in her trash and saw some emails that were very disturbing but really prove nothing. he says bite me, her response how about a suck and lick. Not sure what to think and not sure what to do. report abuse
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written by helpless situation , 08 July, 2009
I just found out back in Oct. that my wife of 12 years was having a relationship with a woman. I couldn't figure out what was going on and I was being lied to so I hired a P.I. to have her followed. It was worth the expense, I had to know what was going on. Your best friend in the world just does not shut down on you like she did to me. We have two young children together and I hate to see them go through a divorce. We have been to marriage counseling and I have tried to forgive her, but I just can not forget about the way she treated me.
Votes: +1
I am now convinced she is struggling with her sexual identity, so I am getting out, I am tired of being hurt. I can not go on like this any longer. I am getting ready to file. You may think you know some one, but you really do not. report abuse
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written by Ofentse , 02 August, 2009
thanks to each of u guys who posted comments. I must acknowledge that your experiences are informative and relieving. My partner of 6 year now 7 has cheated on me 2 months back. When I found out I almost barehandedly killed her. I've been struggling to come to terms with me abusing her physically & her cheating on me. it is important to learn self control & anger management. Life is not suppose to be a struggle.
Votes: -1
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written by carlo , 06 October, 2009
same here 10 years two kids (3,5 and 4,5) she went all the way to germany to cheat, now she's back I'm still in love and I'm suffering more than see my brothers killed in action ! This is because she's not happy!
Votes: -3
I think that everybody should start to teach more the meaning of values in our society ! +So our kids want act so irresponsible ! report abuse
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written by LeoR , 08 October, 2009
To the original poster, your posting has haunted me like no other I have read.
Votes: +0
Can you update everybody on how your doing? And your situation? Why didnt you ever hire someone to find this guy, and then ask him yourself what happened? Skip asking your wife altogether. Or, you could pretend to be your wife, and contact him via an email address (open a google address with your wife's initials or something) and see what happens? Please let us know... report abuse
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written by DataDude , 17 October, 2009
I do not have this problem but I am trying to help a dear friend of mine who just cannot get this out of his mind after 25 years. I asked him what he thought about the most each and every day and he said it was the fact that his wife had an affair with his BEST FRIEND over 25 years ago and he cannot get it out of his mind at all. It is driving him insane. He thinks about the actual act they both committed to each other and even when he is trying to make love to her that is the image that comes to his mind every time.
Votes: +0
I am amazed that he has remained with her after all these years. He said I am the only person he has ever told this to, not even his brother knows. I just don't know what else to tell him other than that he needs to get on with his life because he cannot go back and change what happened so long ago. Are there any words of advice any of yu can share with me? Thanks, Dan report abuse
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written by JFA , 26 October, 2009
Some husbands here have really been abused & mistreated by their wives. Why do you take such abuse? I understand some of you guys just want 2 be in good relationships. But you don't have that with your wife. All you have is lies, backstabbing and her selfishness. She uses you as her doormat. You have to see your wife for what she is not what you want her to be. You won't find happiness - or even relief from your pain - until you are with another woman.
Votes: +5
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written by BobGMN , 31 December, 2009
I have been married 21 years. The first time I suspected my wife, I came home from work early and just as I was driving up a a guy I recognized from her and my work place was walking out of my front door. He left and as I walked up the porch I saw my wife walking down the hallway in her night gown. I confronted her and she claimed he had given her a ride home from the County Fair. I began asking questions at work and my neighbors and found that he had been coming to my house often and he was spending much time at work away from his work station to come see her at her station.
Votes: -2
I told her about my feelings and she claimed " we are just friends". This continued and I finally put a tape recorder on our phone outside the house and caught them using sexual innuendos. I confronted her and things got bad. We ended up in counseling and she never admitted to anything and I became the"controlling" person according to the counselor. Years later almost the exact circumstances and resulting in me telling her again to break it off and it continued. We finally ended up in a terrible argument and she finally ended the relationship"friendship" with him. A few years later it happened again with her boss and I asked her to end the friendship/ relationship. Again we ended up in a terrible argument and she broke it off which resulted in her being fired. Most recently I had to go to China to work for a few months. While I was gone she got involved with a famous rock and roll group. Mind you we are in our 50's. I thought it was great that she had something to keep her occupied in my absence. She started a web site for fan's of this group and met another girl and guy who were partners with her in this group. The girl from Texas and the guy from Oregon. When I arrived home in September, she was constantly on the computer, her cell phone and my home phone rang or received messages constantly. She said it was her partners calling about the website. I ended up having to have a surgery that put me in the hospital for 2 days. She visited me once for about 30 minutes. I asked her what she wanted for Christmas and she said a web cam. I got it for her, set it up and helped all of them setup on MSN. She began spending every spare moment on the PC. One night her phone received a message while she was in the office on the PC. I picked it up to take it to her. I looked and it was from the guy from Oregon. I looked at the message and it was a disturbing message, so I looked at her received messages. They had been sending messages for more than 4 months and it was obviously an affair. I logged on to her MSN account and turned on the chat log. later that evening when she went to the store, I checked the log. It revealed that they had a relationship and having very descriptive cyber sex and she was showing herself on the webcam that i got her for Christmas. They were making fun of the fact that I was giving her to him via the cam and making fun of his wife and me. The things they were saying about us were hurtful, mean and hateful. She knows I have opportunities to work in China again and they were planning for her to push me back to China. I confronted her with the logs and the text messages that I forwarded to my own cell phone. They were saying I love you, I miss you and that they would be together forever. It devastated me. For 2 days i couldn't even look at the computer, i couldn't eat or drink and the whole time she is acting as if it is all my fault. I take responsibility for not saying nice things and saying things she want to hear to feel wanted but this does not give her the right to do things this way. If she is/was unhappy and wants out, she should leave first then form a relationship not do this to me when I say, I have not done a single thing wrong. I am still trying to decide what to do. Now she has changed passwords, added passwords and added a logon password to her PC. I think she is still hiding communications, I thin she may have another cell phone now too but I am not sure. I am lost and don't know what to do. report abuse
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written by Ikar , 13 January, 2010
I have recently found out that my wife of 4 years was constantly cheating on me with various men met on the internet. At some point of our marriage she was a swinger.
Votes: +2
After, by accident, I found pornographic pictures of her and her new boyfriend. The pictures were taken at our home and the whole affair was going on in front of our baby daughter when daddy was at work . She endangered our baby by bringing strangers home and I told her to get the f$%^ out from the house which she did (I did that in front of her sister). I got a temporary order against her. I believe that my wife is borderline though. It is tough but sometimes man must do what he has to do. report abuse
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written by Todd W , 18 January, 2010
Hey guys, first off, none of us deserve this. Without my whole story, I'm in your shoes and 2 months to date from the day I found out that my life got flipped up side down. I knew from the moment I found out and (like many of you guys I never suspected a thing ever, her motto was I will NEVER cheat and she knew what I felt about it as my disgusting dad could have had his picture posted next to the word womanizer being married 5 times in his life and cheating the time through). Anyway, I found out because the ass, a co-worker who she only saw when she had to travel (as we both work from home) that my wife was sleeping with had an actual girlfriend and she found me on facebook to tell me she found out and long story short even this guys brother called me and said his brother is an ass and that it was true and blah, blah, blah. I say the blah, blah, blah because guys trust me I KNOW how easy it is to just want to wrap our lives around this hurt we feel, but the one thing I knew when I found out,as mad and sad as I was, was I want to make this work because I love my wife, I know she loves me and yes when you have a kid it does make you think of those images of battles and a life you never wanted for you kid, but much bigger is the fact that I love my wife and we always had a great thing. So she told me the whole thing and said it was a "nightmare" and so on and bottom line since that say she has proven to me everyday that this is where she wants to be and I'm working hard everyday to work past this as guys at the end of the day all we can have is trust and I always was a trusting guy. Now we do tell each other more and maybe we were too trusting. Bottom line is if you find out your woman was cheating, you need feel that she is truly sorry for it and if you don't get that feeling, than get out. Trust me, some of you guys in your 50's and stuff, life isn't worth living a lie.
Votes: +7
We didn't do therapy as we felt we could do this ourselves and we did. We picked up a "getting over it book" which was helpful, but really at the end of the day it's the you and your wife who will decide if you want to move past this. Things do happen for a reason and in some weird and crappy way this will make us better. She knows, that if this happens again, I'm gone and I'll HATE her for life. Main thing is we will never know everything and yes, I know that feeling all to well after sex now, having to have those thoughts that she was with another man cheating on me and it sucks, but if you don't start to try to put it past you, it could eat your alive. Basically, acceptance in this situation, the only phase is it sucks, but I do know my life would suck even more if I couldn't have my wife and daughter in it and I know she wants us too. Anyway, that's my 2 cents on all of this. It sucks, but in order to move on, you need to move on with the future, whatever that is. report abuse
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written by John Paul , 30 January, 2010
My wife and I have been together for almost 18 years. This June we are supposed to celebrate our 15th wedding anniversary. We have 2 wonderful sons who are 16 & 13. We have built a great life together with a house a SUV and a dog.
Votes: +4
This was all laid to waste this past month when I discovered physical evidence of her cheating. I had suspected it for months, but she was always able to come up with an explanation. When my wife turned 40 she went through a mid-life crisis, saying she needed more time for herself. She said that she had devoted everything to myself & my health problems (several surgeries in the last 2 years) and to being a mom. I supported her spending 1 or 2 nights a week at her friends place. She always called to check in, say goodnight to the boys, and was always home early the next morning. Then it started to turn into 3 nights, then 4... Last year I started to find new lingerie in the laundry, she said it was old things that she had dug out, but I knew they weren't. Last July she was invited to assist at a co-workers wedding. I wasn't invited. What I discovered recently were cards that a co-worker had sent her, implying a sexual relationship. Then I found pictures of the 2 of them at our family's favorite vacation spot. Then I found her personal journal with heartbreaking details of how much she loves this other man. My son's & I are not even mentioned in it. She also left a letter on our computer that she sent to him back in May, and I found she has been looking at websites like this one. Also back in September she started drinking again after being sober for almost 10 years. She is recklessly spending our money, recently quit her job, stays with one of her friends (maybe it's him, I don't know) all the time, and is bankrupting us financially. I'm trying to work out a separation agreement with her, but she always backs out every time we try to get together. My advice to any man out there is GO WITH YOUR GUT. If you suspect she's cheating she probably is! report abuse
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written by tarynslut , 05 February, 2010
I too was married for 11 years and had 2 children with my wife, i spent the last two years putting her through nursing school. In may i went to her graduation with all of her nursing friends. Something didn't seem right they all appeared to know something i didn't. Well a few weeks later i had asked my wife if she was having an affair and she fessed up. All of the nights that she said she was studying with friends or on a nursing rotation she was shacking up with this guy. All her friends knew, i was such a fool. When she told me i flipped. Since our separation she has had several other lovers and actually got pregnant by one of them within a month of our separation. We will be divorced next week. I cant wait till she is out of my life.
Votes: +4
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written by todd210 , 24 May, 2010
I also have a similar situation to the original poster and I know how that type of thing can "eat you up". My advice...put it out of your mind before it destroys what little manhood you have left. Sounds harsh...maybe...but think about it for a second. First of all you don't even know for SURE that she is even cheating. By thinking about it all you are doing is manifesting it in your mind. Your brain and body are feeling the results of it as though it really happened. You keep replaying what may have happened in your head over and over and again you are feeling the effects over and over...NOT GOOD FOR YOU! So how do you deal with it? Not easily but try this...are you still together with your wife? does she say she still loves you? does she still sleep/have sex with you? is there still hope between you? If you answered YES to some of these GREAT - so she may have slept with some other guy(s)...OK...accept that as fact (since you already have anyway in your head... and move forward. Use the past as a tool not a club! Ask yourself..Why did she go wandering?? Poor sex? You don't listen well? Talk to her and ask her if she could wave a magic wand and get one thing from your relationship what would it be? Try to find out what she is missing and GIVE IT TO HER! If you can't or don't then don't be surprised if she looks for someone who can.
Votes: +2
In summary stop focusing on what may have happened and be thankful she is still around. Now get to work on how to make your relationship better and stronger so that you know for damn sure she is VERY happy with her relationship with YOU and has no reason to go elsewhere. It takes the bigger person to make the initial sacrifice and work to get the relationship happening but what is your option? A great question to always ask yourself "WHAT IS MY OPTION HERE?" ...do nothing?? worry myself sick?? be depressed?? What woman wants to be with someone like that???? Be a man and show her that you are confident with yourself and that you will take charge with the relationship and make her happy (most women prefer a confident man over a wuss) IF, after some time of SINCERE effort on your part to do all of that and you're still not getting what YOU want out of the relationship, turf the bitch! (ok had to throw in a little humour there) but seriously..if she doesn't appreciate what you are doing, or if it looks like it's not going anywhere, or she's still cheating maybe it's time to move on...remember there's over 6.5 billion people on the earth so don't tell me she's the only one! GOOD LUCK! report abuse
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written by Low down , 07 June, 2010
Yes Guys It's sucks my wife going with groomsman from our wedding and good buddy.They all ways mess with the person that they work with it's hard dealing with that everyday goes to work they see each other.She they don't talk at all it hard for me to believe. From me knowing him he not stopping asking her being.When ever I ask is he saying anything to she says no.I have two kids she said she sorry but she don't want to talk about it that is the problem I have.I'm trying for forty days to see what happens and how I'm feeling then I will follow my gut feeling right now I want start over with her.
Votes: +0
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written by Oldham , 07 June, 2010
The cheating woman would still gets the kid after a divorce. How should a man response? Shut an eye to the affair to keep the children and the unhappy marriage? What would you do if you were me, the woman never felt sorry for the pain inflicted on the family and is just continuing her affair discreetly.
Votes: +0
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written by silver , 16 June, 2010
I am hurting sooo bad. Me and my wife have been married very nearly 13 years. The first years were pretty rocky. At about year 5 I found out from her friends that she had cheated on me. The worst part was that we had separated afterward and she had let me move in with the guy. This was supposed to be one of my very best friends. When confronted about it she started crying, she said that it had just happened one night. She had gone over (he lived in the same apartment)to hang out and "watch movies" with a friend at his place. Her friend had left and he forced himself on her. I was ready to kill the guy. As I'm packing my stuff up to go over and kill him, her friends tells me that it wasn't only once. I immediately called her back. Now the water works really started. See her favorite game to play is "You didn't ask the right question." If you asked have you had sex with anyone? She could possibly respond no. This is because she had only sucked his dick. You didn't ask the right question. See what I mean.
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So Long story Short. I have forgiven her. I just can't forget. It nags me every day. It is more then likely because when confronted about other suspicions I had I was told no, your stupid, this kind of thing. Around this time there were strange events taking place. She would go to another guy friend's place to "watch movies". On morning she came back about 6am (daughter told me because we were separated, but working on our marriage). When she came in her hair was wet. When I confronted her about it years later, because I had just found out about it, she said "What I just took a shower over there." The place was 300 feet from our apartment. She had another "friend" she "watched movies" with. (seeing a pattern yet?) She would go to his place while I was at one of my 2-3 jobs. Ok so here we are. She had an affair. (not the one she says was forced) I knew about it. She wanted me to be friends with the guy. Then she wanted him to sleep on the couch because he had no place to go. (this is prior to her sleeping with him i assume)The next thing I know we are separated, but working on our marriage. Then she wants to just go out on dates with this guy. Next she is knocked up. Ok hard admission. I'm an idiot. I take her back. Even though she would never come clean about everything. She was lieing to me, telling me that she wasn't sleeping with him right up until the time she got pregnant. I have doubts about all the other situations, as most would. I can't let it go. To be honest I can't prove she has cheated since. That was nine years now. But I can't let it go. It feels like fire inside me. I have now moved to a new state for a job, so she could be close to family. She couldn't come with me yet. Have to save up. But now another "friend" has no place to go and she is letting him stay with her. I don't what to do. I don't know if she has changed for good, or if she might be fooling around with him. She talks about him all the time, and is constantly with him. One of the kids is usually with them, and the kids are in the room with her. He doesn't sleep in her bed, the kids do. Help!!!!!!! I am at my end. I want it all to end one way or another. Fuck what do I do? report abuse
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written by JohnD2780 , 23 June, 2010
My wife and I have been married for 6 1/2 years. We have an 18 m/o and a 4 y/o. She currently in Afghanistan and works in a trauma room. One day after she had to put small kids into body bags she was emotionally and mentally all fucked up, and covered in blood. She went to a decon room to clean up. While cleaning up she was a mess and a man named James walked in and saw the condition she was in. She says he was trying to calm her down then initiated the incident. She says she stopped it quickly knowing it was wrong and horrible. She admitted this to me last night. I'm devastated, but I love her and want to forgive her. I'm having trouble getting passed it, and I know its only been about 8 hours since she told me. I'm scared, hurt and feel betrayed but at the same time with out giving her an excuse she was vulnerable and that guy I feel took advantage of her, but yes she is an adult and should have stopped. I've never put kids in a bodybag. I just don't know what to do.
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written by Heartbroken in SF , 06 August, 2010
I've been married 30 years, and together monogamously (i thought) for 36. I discovered my wife's electronic diary on day while routinely backing up her computer, I found 8 years of daily entries. I also discovered that she was discarding her handwritten diaries that vey week, so I dug them out of the trash. While she never writes that she actually did the deed, I did catch her once with our female neighbor who was totally naked, and I came home from a trip and caught her stumbling in at 2 a.m.. She made lame excuses each time, but now that I have her own words.....she stalked her professor, spent time at his place drinking and smoking, and went on at least two "dates" getting drunk and "telling bad blow job jokes". All our friends either helped her, set her up with their horny brothers, ran TRW's & DMV records to help stalking, what a-holes. She even took to stalking her gynecologist, driving by his house, calling him and hanging up, buying sexy underwear to show off her tits and scheduling an un-needed appointment. So, I have 30+ years of truth that the mother of my children has never been faithful in her heart, and almost certainly the rest of her body (guys don't often say no). I've turned down direct requests for sex, and quite a few clear opportunities, so I'm the honorable one. I'm going to divorce her after she qualifies for an early pension next year. She will cashout more than $250K of my money ! My question - How do I get to the point where I can trust any new woman not to do the same.....
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written by Wish i went on line years ago , 13 August, 2010
Hi Guys, I am sorry you all went through this kind of emotional downer. I married a woman in 85 who was with a guy for years. As it turns out I sent the guy to law school and she used all my money to keep her company going. As it turns out she was a sick woman. She had so many people who thought she was an angle and I was blamed for everything for close to 17 years. I lost my house to the bank and my credit was smashed. She was not just unfaithful but had a lust for anything I had. I raised my child from the age of 4 she is 21 now. Last year my co-parent took her own life. I found her with my daughter that was the most tragic thing I have ever gone thru in my life. All I can say is to forgive as quickly as possible , you wasted enough of your life with someone who did not deserve your devotion. Love is a choice it is hard to face the fact that someone you choose is letting you know she does not choose you but that's all it really is. You don't need to stop loving them but I do think what hurt me the most was never letting her go. I wasted so much of the last 17 years it makes me crazy. But it is my choice to stop or to continue to allow this to keep screwing with my life. I lost everything including myself but I do have my child and have made the journey back. I was the only roadblock to my recovery. I have become more independent of women so it does not matter if someone else has no class, all I need to know is that I do and I can offer some good qualities to some woman who can see it for what it is. The thing is everyone can only be who they are if they are no good that is not you and it is not me. Sorry that I went on and on but good luck to you all. You have helped me very much. Thank you.
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written by john42m , 17 September, 2010
Letting go would be easier if there was not a good chance of happening again. Three years ago my wife almost told me she was cheating; she confessed doing things with this guy. She took a night job near her day job where he worked. She went in one evening, never called to tell me, she earlier said he was going to help with home work during. So doing a little math tells me she would have only had 10 minutes of homework with him, he would have waited 3 to4 hours after he was supposed to go home for 10 minutes! When she got to work that day she called me and told me at 10:00 at night. I asked where she was and I was told Mark was helping with her homework for the 7 hours. Because the math did not add up to start with I believe she was fired the night before. I think she may have even taken the job to get time with him and that is why she got fired, very long lunches. Some time after when she had finished school she said to me she wanted to take all the people she worked with who help her through school to the area where she studied. But, Mark was the only one who could make it, I told her that sounded like a lot of fun, when are we going? She said it was only for those who helped her through school so I was not invited. This blows my mind, she thinks so little of me she didn't even think about the facts that every night I was feeding her child, giving him his meds every night, played with him every night, and putting her kid to bed every night. Also, I guess the hours I spent helping her search the net for info she needed didn't mean anything. She insisted that only her and Mark or just forget it. I said you better forget it and asked her were she got the balls to ask me if she can go out on a date with another man and I got the same shit we always get, "he's just a friend". continued
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written by john42m , 17 September, 2010
OK, I feel stupid and just let it pass, then a short time ago I'm on Face Book and I have a friend who is very intelligent and from what the other girls say attractive. After a while my wife started chatting with him. We were at her sisters one day when I walked around the corner as my wife is telling her mother all about this guy and I found myself looking at 2 people who looked like deer getting caught in the head lights. I started to notice that she was staying up as much as 2 hours a night after the time she insist on going to bed. I also, saw instead of keeping threads going she would delete every email. Finally I called her on the obvious and "where only friends". My friend seems to have been an unwilling participant completely ignorant to what she was doing. I know because I got logged in as my wife and started acting like I thought she would and as I started getting things a little hotter he was backing right off, accusing her of drinking or something. After he could not understand the things she was deleting, what he doesn't know is my wife who was throwing little softies he was not picking up on but, I know my wife and would have caught it immediately. Now my friend, this sounds like high school stuff, he was only interested in a different woman, I told my wife about it and she just blew it off. Her behavior continued and I kept calling her on it. Then I started talking more and more about the other woman, my wife asked him and he did not want to give her a straight answer because the other woman was married. So I kept pushing the other woman and noticed that my wife was starting to dislike this woman so I played that for everything I could, my wife went almost hysterical, she told me the other woman sent her an email that was very offending, so I asked what it was, the only email she ever sent my wife was a complement and I saw that. My wife said she sent her another one and she acted like it was the worse thing you could ever say to somebody, so I started typing to this other women to tell me what the email was about, my wife begged me not to saying it's going to make thing worse, so I told her I wouldn’t send it if she just told me what was in the email she wouldn’t so I sent it. The other woman, who I know told me she never wrote her another email other than the first one, we went through tist whole thing one more time. She could not get out of it, there was no second email and she had a growing hate for this other woman because my wife stood no chance with my friend. I explained to him and her what was going on am my wife started saying she never said there was another email, it was the second half of the only email and my wife was now happy to talk about that. I said where did the second email go, she would not admit that she ever side there was one. Life with my wife reminds me of Richard Pryor, Who you going to believe me or you lying eyes. How can I get out? I am in a lot of pain over it all, I have a lawyer trying to help me keep my house, I have been out of work for 11 months, I seem to be literally stuck, I have 3 dogs and They are very faithful and for that I will never give them up, I will sleep in my car with them, take my wife please but, don't even try to put a finger on my dogs.
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written by Foreigner... , 25 October, 2010
To Oldham,
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Nobody can advice you on what to do. Everyones situation is different. I stayed for the kids and for the hope she will change, and understands one day what it is all about. It's been 5 years since I learned who she really is. I saw my older son graduate from highschool, went to university and doing good on his own. My younger one is finishing HS and doing really good too. I strongly believe, that if i would have left none of them would even finish HS. It's been real hard on me. I was a zombie for a month. I could not cross the street for a week. I got zapped by electricity at work as i could not concentrate on work or on anything else. I went on antidepressant for a while. That helped a lot. I know for sure that she is still getting involved with others. I tune it out and go on for the kids sake. I grew a thick skin, but I think about it everyday. And time is flying. 2 more years and the younger one will move on to college. It's not their fault that our relationship went sour. But they really on both of us for support and stability. It sucks but alternative is worse....as they will pay a full price of the break up. There is no guarantee that someone else will be any better after a while...and maybe she will change in the process..( highly unlikely ) report abuse
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written by upset in SF , 06 November, 2010
Would like the advice of guys out there that have young kids and decided to stay in the marriage? Did she change? My wife and I have been married for 6 years and have 2 kids, ages 5 and 3. I just recently caught her ... I'm very hurt and angry, it sucks. I know for sure it was with one guy but now some of the questionable behavior from before makes me suspicious there were more. My wife has apologized, cried, says she wants to stay in the marriage, is going to counseling (as I am now too) seems remorseful and I believe has stopped the affair (but everything is questionable now). With a lot of work from both of us, we can probably get thru this but I am not a cheater so I don't want to be an idiot and waste the next 5 years of MY life to find out that old dogs never change. I feel like it is worth it to try and stay together b/c of the young kids, but I am 40 now and don't want to be a fool and get hurt again. Any similar experiences out there? Thank you.
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written by Nobody's fool ever again , 07 November, 2010
I have been with my wife for 16 years. The very beginning of our relationship was like magic. we loved each other and had a beautiful daughter together. about 3 years ago things started getting weird. She is 8 years older than me and by 45 she became obsessed with how she looks. She was getting botox and started working out. Low cut tops were all she would wear as she got in better shape. She had gone on a trip with my sister and flirted with men even inviting 2 of them back to the hotel. My sister told me nothing of this to spare my feelings. I could tell something had gone on and both of them denied it. My wife and I separated a few months later for a bout 6 months. during that time my sister admitted what happened on the trip.
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it later came out after we got back together that she was with men during the time we were apart. We separated again. We got back together about 8 months later. We decided to put the past behind us. And for a year this seemed like it was working. Until she wanted to take a trip to Mexico with a friend. To long of a story to explain how I got them but there are pictures of her drunk and completely naked with another man. She swears nothing happened an she must have been drugged. Even before I saw the pics I knew something had gone on. Best advice guys ALWAYS TRUST YOUR GUT she will lie your gut wont. I am working hard saving money and meeting woman online guilt free. I am getting away from this emotional bullshit. This woman can look me in the eyes and say nothing happened. I can't wait to get out! report abuse
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written by BETRAYED and ARRESTED , 18 November, 2010
My wife went on match, found a guy and started hooking up with him. She would meet him at his apartment while I worked during the day. Our 3.5 and 1.5 year would get left at a baby sitter some times. Other times, when she just had our little Faith... she would nurse her to sleep and then go blow the guy. That happened several times. When I stumbled across her original match email she said they were just working out at the gym. I got the phone and text records... so much more was going on. She was texting like 30 to 60 times a day plus calling. She was angry at me when I found out and refused to care how hurt I was. I really thought I got lucky in catching this so early... it had been only 2.5 weeks. I was scared they were actually going to go out dancing and kiss. I sent the guy an angry text to stay away or else. He turned it over to the police. They investigated me... called my wife and she never called me to tell me I was going to be arrested for threatening this scum bag. At the time I didn't know the sex side. Turns out I had nothing to protect. She denied anything physical but I later learned it was a lie and key critical piece of info motivating me to keep him away from her and my children. I was arrested in my cub scout uniform with my oldest children. I called her for help and she told me she didn't want to be involved and turned off her phone. She says she is not sorry for the affair but sorry for hurting me. I'm facing a felony charge.
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It's so raw right now...I don't know what I'm going to do. I actually tried to cling tightly to her so I wouldn't lose her right after it happened, telling her I'd do anything to fix things. That's my trauma at work. I'm so devastated, and scared and embarrassed. Hurt beyond all reason. I kept believing her lies after I caught her and had to keep dragging the truth out of her. The deputy who arrested me (who was actually kind to me) gave me some of the story. She confessed after in bits and drabs as she understands that this will come out in court. Can't imagine being convicted for this BS but I have a permanent felony arrest record. I keep thinking of her nursing our baby and then within minutes going down of this scumbag. In a million years I would never had thought this could happen. I am so stunned and devastated. I don't know how to recover. I love her. But I think this will eat at my soul for the rest of my life. report abuse
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written by ...... , 29 December, 2010
This goes to the guy who got arrested in boy scouts... Best thing is to be honest with the judge and states attorney. Be sure your defense was protecting your children since you say that's what it is.... I'm so sorry but that women is scum. Modern day Jezebel. I myself seem to be in this type of situation. I cannot wait to find out....
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written by written by jimbo , 07 January, 2011
I have been with my girlfriend for just over a year, she had slept about a bit before me and with this one guy in particular while we was sleeping together. We made our relationship official but she still continued to text and talk to this guy on social networking sites saying that they was just friends and that she was helping him with relationship advice. She says she hasn't cheated and I genuinely believe her she is not the sharpest tool in the box at the best of times so I just think that she could be stupid enough to think that its not a big deal because she didn't do anything physically wrong or maybe I'm just being naive??
Votes: +0
Either way whatever she has done I cant let go of the fact that she was speaking to him I don't know why something like talking would get to me so much maybe because they was sleeping together before. report abuse
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written by DaNu , 16 February, 2011
Wow. I have sat and read all these posts. I am already beginning to feel a bit more at ease as it is only because I have become aware that I am " NOT ALONE " drowning in this sea of BULLSHIT right now.... Someone throw me a life vest, I’m drowning here.
Votes: +3
Ok, I'm like most of you guys here, Married for 15, together for 16. This is my second marriage. My first wife was unfaithful to me and now it appears likewise is my second. My wife and I have had a good marriage I thought and have two lovely daughters. Like most of you, we had many good and bad times alike but worked things through together. Never the less, my gut always spoke to me when things didn’t seem right, you all know what I mean when I say that. I’ve listened to my gut on a few occasions recently and I fear the truth I may find. Recently, My wife was having an inappropriate relationship with a young man. I only endured this torture for a bit, then told my wife how I felt about this male she had befriended. Like most of you, she said that I was making something out of nothing. She had gone out with this young man on a couple of occasions that I was aware of, I trusted her as my wife to behave as my wife, boy was I a dumb ass. I recently, on an outing with my wife, we encountered her lover who was with another younger woman. While eavesdropping, I overheard this young man brag to his present female companion that he had fucked my wife and that I had no idea. What a POS. Anyways guys, first things first, the LOVER’S, who cheat with our partners forget them, they aren’t worth a pile of dung. My wife asked why I didn’t question her lover when I had overheard his bragging. As rational and logic crept through, it was easy to peer at our non-existent sex life and realize I had a choice to make. Either my wife was lying to me redundantly about her adultery or this creep was telling the truth, bragging over my wife as a fucking trophy. Guys, I know the pain you all feel, I’m with you all! I confronted my wife with his statements and she told me, “ I didn’t hear anything“, “ Your crazy, your hearing things”, is what she says. Let’s face it guys, some of these women will never owe up to cheating, it’s crazy, truly insane and it is our duty not to fall into this sea of bullshit. Ok, we still want stability in our lives right? All right, what do we need for this to come to pass? We need to believe again. When our mates won’t be truthful, what is our next step, to merely assume there is something wrong with us, which drove them astray. This is obviously not going to be over anytime soon…. What am I going to do next? I took a good hard look at myself in the mirror. It was there in a moment of clarity, I realized that what my wife did to me was terrible indeed it hurt me bad. I felt horrible and it still hasn’t fully let up. However, I am responsible for my “OWN” levels of self-esteem, not my wife. So I began to run an inventory. Kind of a self-diagnostic program in my head if you will.... Peering in the mirror, mental notes are scribbled out; I’m not too out of shape, Body is still holding together, fighting off the flab, trying to keep firm, I’m still a good looking guy, I still have 2 great daughters who love me. I still attract the female eye and I have whit and great character. I still have a sense of humor and I don’t care if my wife loves me or not for I now see the truth that my wife is a liar. I have presently moved out and left my home, seeking a place of solitude in my guest house where I can begin to clear my mind and lift myself from this awful place where my partner has put me. Time gentlemen, TIME heals all! I look forward to more of this string and sharing the healing process, hoping it helps to heal others hurting inside like me.. report abuse
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written by Genghis John , 23 February, 2011
I totally agree with the previous post regarding the healing power of time.
Votes: +3
A word of advise that I wish I had when my discovery of infidelity occurred. At that stage, 29 years of marriage and two daughters, then 15 and 12. 15 year old is autistic. A long story short, when you have proof of cheating, get him/her out of the house immediately. Do not hesitate!! In your pain it will be hard, but make sure that you get them out. I did not and I am now in a costly legal battle. I wanted to try and save the marriage. Big mistake!! Make sure that they leave without the children. Don’t feel sorry for them. She/him doesn’t feel a thing for you (sorry to tell you this), they are going to carry on lying and it will only be to keep you off guard. Do not fall for this. When confronted with proof of infidelity, the first thing the infidel does is deny, deny, deny. Then you will be blamed for the affair! You will feel guilty and horrible. Put their clothes on the sidewalk and never look back!! Make sure that they don’t leave with any vehicle you own. If they don’t have a vehicle, the lover/friend can come and pick them up. Be strong and look after yourself. The children need you. If you have no children, you owe yourself a life where you are happy. They abandoned you and they knew what they were doing. You’ll come to realize this in time. Time heals. But be strong, although you feel so very, very hurt and betrayed and will want them back etc etc. Get them out of your life, pronto. Start the divorce proceedings, get the best lawyer, and get on with your new improved life. Be honest with yourself regarding your contribution to the infidelity (plenty of books and websites to help you with this). This is good for understanding, if you need it. I did. It also helps knowing these things with your new friends. Look after yourself physically, plenty of books and websites to help you, but you will need to exercise and eat right. Body for Life is excellent and your smashed self esteem is going to enjoy the compliments of your friends, colleagues etc as you become lean and confident. The exercise will act as a natural anti-depressant. Look after yourself mentally and spiritually. Go to church, or temple or whatever provides your meaning. If you want to explore other spirituality, do it. They all provide a meaning for your life. Look after yourself emotionally. Get a counselor, but in my opinion they are too wishy washy. But they help in the beginning. You need strength, you need to believe in yourself. Go and find it. Go back to hobbies you gave up, take up new interests, immerse yourself in the joy of life. Do the things you’ve been putting off for that “special time”. This is the “special time”. There is no one to stop you. Only yourself. It may feel particularly miserable in the beginning, but…. Know this. You will come out of this a better person, stronger in all aspects, compassionate and enjoying the life you deserve. You will marvel at how good life is and the end of a marriage, although a death of sorts, is also the rebirth of a new life. You will also understand, that no spouse is responsible for your happiness. You alone are responsible for your own happiness. When you get there, you’re ready for the special person in your life. They've been waiting for you. I know that some of you, in your misery will not believe what I’m saying. But, time will heal and you will be grateful for this rebirth. report abuse
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written by bil , 27 March, 2011
Thanks for the insight..I've be marry for eight years. My wife recently confessed to having the many affairs the whole relationship. I thank God we don;t have any kids... I'm out door with no time to waste.. Once a cheaper always a cheaper... Good luck to all....
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written by louieg , 28 March, 2011
i have been with my wife for 23 years and i found her but naked with another man getting fucked just 2 days ago. the good thing the guy got away or else i would have killed him when i asked her what hell was wrong with her she said she was drunk and it was a mistake and she never meant for this to happen i dont know what to do i have a 12 year old boy he is everything to me do i leave and break his hart or do stay and try to work it out. Can someone help
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written by biggest loser , 01 April, 2011
I have been married for 16 years with 4 kids, 8 years ago my wife cheated on me. She tried to say it was my fault,and the she was totally in love with me before the affair but that i changed. So after counseling we stay together, she denied that anything physical happened, but the word coming back to me was that ... is fing her...but she kept that lie going for 8 years. along the way i have had my suspicions and she never allowed herself to get caught. About a month ago I found his wallet in my truck and confronted her. She admitted to a friendship, his marriage was falling apart and she was unhappy in hers. She also accidentally admitted that there was something physical in the affair eight years ago. I still dont know if i was more happy than angry, after eight years of knowing in your gut that she was lying to finally hear the truth, and then finally hearing that kind of truth was like a punch in the gut. Anyhow, i must be the biggest loser cus I am in counseling again, but it is different this time. Last time out, I allowed her to blame me for pushing her away and into his arms. This time i am taking a very active role, admitting that I could have been a better husband etc, but I am insisting that she does not get a pass because of that. She is going to admit everything from the past, and give me a real apology and better work like hell to make up for what she put me through or I will leave her when we are done, thats right, i will give her a taste of her own medicine. She doesnt seem to understand that when you are going through this you go a little crazy. I cant make the simplest decision without second guessing myself because she made me unsure about every little thing by denying her affairs. Its maddening. She says its over, but if i follow her and dont catch her i get no comfort, maybe she will meet him next time is what goes through my mind, how long do i act like a private detective before i believe she isnt cheating? Anyway I will stay or go based on what happens in our counseling sessions, but will never be the same confident guy i was when she fell in love with me, and that hurts the most. She got to me and totally screwed my head up, and i cant get back to who i was.
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written by Joohhn , 21 April, 2011
All of this talk about going with your gut feeling is bullshit. You either trust your wife or not. As for things that happened before you were married, what is the sense of making yourself crazy. Ok chances are you are not the best lover she ever had, she may have had as many conquests as you when single. The thing is she chose you despite who she may have been with before meeting you while dating or anytime leading up to "I do"
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written by morris27 , 26 April, 2011
So I just came home from Afghanistan this month and my 2nd day home I had found out my wife cheated on me 10 days before I came home. A day later I approached her and told her I wanted to try and work things out if she did as well. She did so we started seeing a counselor and on the 3rd time my wife decided it wasn't working and left and now she is seeing the guy who she slept with...btw this guy came back from the deployment 2 months early and slept with 2 other guys wife and my wife knows this yet she thinks he wants her. I hate myself for still loving her even after all this and still want her a little and she tells me she still loves me but it just isn't working out and she wants me in her life but just as a friend. I just hate myself because I know this isn't my fault and all hers but I still love her and kinda want her back.
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written by patsytookforaride , 28 May, 2011
Thanks for sharing all these stories, it is helping in my time of despair. My wife told me she cheated on me early in our relationship, and I flipped out and totally lost it. After that she denied she had cheated, but kept seeing the same guy as 'friends'. At our wedding she and him disappeared together for 1hr, I am such a patsy. Then recently this guy's girlfriend was away and he invited us to his place to 'play golf'. I didn't feel like going but wife said 'it's important, we promised' so we go, and they are seducing each other right there in front of me. I'm such a patsy they can get it on right in front of me. Finally I exploded and raged at the guy, and he denied they ever did anything and I left. Now working on getting divorce, wife still denies anything happened. I have tried to split up so many times before but need her and keep coming back like a wuss.
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I agree with the guy who said we are acting like wusses - so many men today, we were raised by mothers (no father around) and became wusses who learned to do what the woman wants. We can do something about it though, check out Man Transformation DVDs by David DeAngelo, or the Mankind Project. These guys are working to give us back our manhood and change wusses into men. There is hope, even at 50 or older. God bless you all. report abuse
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written by John M , 29 May, 2011
That's one heck of a story. We get dependent on these women and fear abandonment. I was not ready to let go for some time, I hardened myself by doing whatever it took to not care; I even shut the sex off myself. It so ironic I get this message today because my wife moved out yesterday for good. Being alone is what is hard, not, not having her here. She left in the way you can expect from a user, she waited till my unemployment ran out, or got lowered to a useless level and they are foreclosing on the house. I have nowhere to go, I can't get a job no matter what I do, I am 52 and in a women's field (dental hygiene) I even picked up the phone book and started calling dental office in there. I apply for just about every job; even with a maid service, all I get is I must have sent my resume to the wrong place. I email them back to try and convince them that I want the job advertised. My wife said I'm not really looking for a job. She waited till I needed her for more than her companionship and when I hit my lowest she bailed out. She is not worth the pain I have gone through and I will never do it again.
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written by John M , 29 May, 2011
To all you guy, DUMP her; you are just putting yourself through hell. It only hurts for a short time and then you get relief. Some of you are worried about you child, you will do more harm by never being able to trust her, it will be a conversation that can fill your life, scum like that is not worth the pain. Send her out on her own and watch what happens. When a woman has a male "friend" and wants to hang out with him, your gut will not lie. There is no such thing as a man and a woman being just friends, she will start confiding in him about all her problems, then the holding and comforting her leads to her pants coming off. They will play you like a fiddle; they get some kind of perverted rush getting away with it, they may not love each other but they like the sex and the rush. Get rid of her, she is lying and will never admit it till she gets caught red handed, then they have some excuse and feel terrible and will never do it again. What she means is she will not let you catch her again. Women like that will not change, so get her out of your life and save your sanity.
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written by patsytookforaride , 31 May, 2011
That's tough - I feel my wife also has tried to keep me from getting independent by convincing me to buy a house we could barely afford and similar things. the sooner I stand up for myself the better I'll be but it is hard.
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You can get a new job, even better than your last one. My dad was 59 before he got a good job, bankrupt twice he went back to college at 55 and managed to find a job in his field after graduating. Check out 'Who Moved My Cheese' simple story but really helps. For all those guys who are on their own now, the dating advice sites like David deAngelo and David Wygant have stories from lots of guys age 50+ who are now getting more women than they ever got in their 20s because they are learning to be confident men who naturally attract women. It's never too late. report abuse
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written by John M , 31 May, 2011
I hope you're right, I keep getting week moments. I will never trust again. I used to think that after a certain age women will stop cheating. You know, they do all these studies about who cheats more men or women? I believe women do a lot more, but will not admit it to anybody. My wife still has a lot of stuff here and just pops in to pick a bit up here and there and that seems to be dragging things out. Often I think who cares, I'm glad she's gone, and I am, but showing up all the time has to stop. It's like a smoker trying to quit, when you think you got it whipped then you have another smoke and start all over again.
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written by Mark F , 12 September, 2011
Caught my ex wife of 22 years together, (married six years) (we got back together after whirlwind divorce!), having sex my brother in law, not once but twice. The first time he pleaded with me not to tell my sister, as this would end their relationship!... me the fool!!...intuition kicks in, (dont worry about me of course!!). my ex wife is bi-polar and a history of sexual abuse by her older brother. So the second time, by coincidence i'd left my mobile phone at home out on business, (no way of contacting me about my whereabouts!) i turned up at home, with his car on the drive. I crept up stairs and found them having sex in the bathroom. Bare in mind this is the bathroom he was helping me to decorate, (wonder why!!). So people, your INSTINCT IS NORMALLY RIGHT!!
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written by Bill1880 , 21 September, 2011
Man it sucks to be a man in a relationship sometimes. Guys I feel your pain every week. My wife cheated two times that she will admit to. Let me tell you from experience she would have never admitted to cheating had I not been able to provide details about the guys and her relationships. It took me almost a year to gain enough evidence to get her to admit to it. In one case, she stated that they "hooked up" less than 5 times in the other case she stated it was a one night stand that they did not even finish the act. With the first guy she cheated with, they had an affair that lasted 3 months. This happened while I was overseas. When she joined me overseas, she showed up with NSF, an STD, and pregnant. Her doctor told me that the duration of pregnancy indicates that she got pregnant while we were a part and also that I did not have the STD but would need to get on penicillin just in case. The second affair she states was a one night that she did not even finish. I think we can all agree that if it gets started its more than likely going to get finished. My suspicions are that she has had at least 4 - 5 affairs since we have been married. But even after all of these years she will not admit to anything that I do not know about; however, over the years there have been inconsistencies in her version of the affairs I know about. One thing I know for sure but she won't admit to is that she had a repeat affair with the first guy after we returned from overseas. She used to drive by where this guy lived after she got off work. I know this because she would talk about the old neighborhood we lived in, which is where this guy lived at the time. But to this day, she says that she talked with the first guy and told him that she was in a happy marriage.... my gut tells me otherwise.
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Here's are a few things I can tell from experience: 1) Absolutely trust your gut - Do not listen to anyone telling you otherwise if you believe that she is cheating then she probably is 2) She will lie about it - In order to get some measure of truth you are going to have to gather evidence or she will just lie convincingly 3) Whatever you think you know it is worse - I do not believe my wife's story. I believe that she has had affairs with more than 2 people and that the sex was much more involved than she is stating. 4) This will live with you forever - While the pain subsides, I can tell you that my wife's admitted affairs happened 17 years ago. They still bother me today just not as much or as often. It bothers me more to not know the full truth, which I will never get. 5) You will never fully trust her again - I do trust my wife but there are now very specific limits to this trust. I know longer blindly trust her. 6) Consider a polygraph - The only way to get the full truth is to hook her up to a polygraph machine. If she truly wants to stay in the marriage she will agree to it and if she has nothing to hide she won't have a problem with it. But, she will do anything to prevent getting polygraphed so prepare yourself for some rather crazy arguments over this one. If she won't do it, divorce her. I wish I had insisted on it years ago but I didn't and now you know the story... I live with the pain. The problem for guys is we want to know the details such as: how frequently, how many times, what sex positions, the guys endowment, what was she thinking, is she in love, why would she do this. Women will not share that information willingly because they feel like a harlot or a slut and they justify this with I don't want to hurt his feelings (something honorable but untrue). At the end of the day, I just wish I knew the full truth about her affairs. Let me tell you one thing about a woman, it does not matter what they look like they can hookup with a guy in short order. The reason why guys get caught is they have to court women to gain their sexual interest. For a woman, all she has to do is walk in the room and somebody will hook-up with her. If I ever suspect or catch my wife having a current affair I would divorce her in a minute. I have come to this conclusion after living with it all of these years... it is better to have someone in your life that you can trust... Lessons learned. report abuse
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written by nicenthic , 15 October, 2011
Guys, we have been born with the innate ability to keep sex separate from our emotions. Most girls do not have this ability. Once you have sex with a girl, she starts heavily investing herself in you. But it's up to you to keep your emotions well guarded when dealing with sluts. For most semi-intelligent blokes who've had at least some action in his life, this is quite easy to do. But it's not so easy for a young guy with his first few lays. This is when he might put his heart and soul into a bad apple (read: slut). He will get burned and then learn from it.
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The real morons are the guys who don't learn and invest themselves again in a another slut and possibly marry her. Then they lose a lot more than their hurt feelings - they could be stuck with alimony, child support and even a lost house. Now that's a lesson they wont forget! Learn some game theory and see how your mindset changes completely. You will be in power and every girl will just be another social experiment and possibly another conquest when you get good at it. You will understand women better than you can possibly imagine and use this new-found power to your benefit socially and in your personal life. report abuse
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written by 5stars , 02 November, 2011
can someone they me why do i feel, all the time that my wife is cheating on me. I have been married for 2years with my wife at first it was great, but the problem is that she lives in another country and i am applying for her citizenship she has 2 other children and I have one from a past marriage. This has been very difficult for me to handle we spend times speaking on the phone and I normally would take between 3or 4 trips to her country but I have notice that the last two trips she has not been the same with me, she a very affection person over the phone, but in person she display another person. She has had a bad relationship in the past with her past husband and sometimes i feel she is taking this out om me. Our intimate was great at first we would kiss and she showed me affection however lately when i would her hands or tried kissing she would say to me because she has been along by herself for so many years that she is not used to all this affection. This is why I ask myself is she having an a affair or is it me and my insecurities?
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written by Love thy self. , 05 November, 2011
OK fellas. The important thing here everyone is missing is that you need to love yourself as much as you love your wife. Now if you're wife is cheating on you and you had plans all these years, be smart about it. Do not react...RESPOND. Or you can go my route and say nothing at all. Thats what I did.
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I had a wife that was cheating on me. I caught her red handed and I didn't tell her about it. I just became indifferent altogether. One thing I did was PREPARE. I started to put aside funds that she wouldn't know about. I put one of our cars in her name alone and one in mine. I had gotten her to do a quit claim on the house under the premise that she had bad credit and that I was going to get us a much nicer house and put our house on the market. The house to begin with was willed to me by my father way before we got together so it had no community value on her part. I just had to practice CYA. As time went on by she had been totally dry with me, she became complacent and no more sex. I just kept on with my plans. Took care of myself... So I reserved myself to be alone and acted like it. I didn't see anyone while we were together. I had to be methodical about the whole thing... She noticed I stopped caring and asked me what is wrong... I told her that I fell out of love for her and that it was a mistake for us to be married in the first place. She then pleaded that we stay together. I have yet to tell her I know about all the cheating she has done. As it turned out, the guy had dumped her and decided to stay with his girlfriend. So... I told her no and that the house had closed and its time for her to find a place to live. She was thinking it was a separation up until she was served the divorce papers. The reason for the divorce was 'infidelity". I had listed that because it was the truth. She called me on that and asked me why I would put that on the papers. I showed her all the times and pictures of the places she and hers were meeting. She confessed the whole thing to me and asked me if I would give her another chance. I said sure. I told her that we should start to date again after the divorce was finalized. It takes six weeks in Nevada with a no contest and no kids. After the divorce was final, she gave me a call and told me she wanted to take me to dinner at an expensive Italian place called La Veccia. I didn't show up. The next day she came over to my new house and asked me why I didn't show up. I pointed at the strange Acura in the driveway and told her that's why. She was upset and left. Now after two years, she is still trying to get me to get back together with her enlisting her family to help convince me that she has changed. I keep telling her family that I found a woman who is successful and driven the same way I am. And I couldn't be happier. I'll tell you what fellas, DEPRESSION STINKS. Women smell that on you. Be the best you can be and move on. There is nothing you can do to change a woman's mind let alone her heart. Be the best version of yourself. Because your depression is just a figment of your ego. Get over it and move on. Good Luck fellas. report abuse
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written by Diligent Dragon , 16 December, 2011
Now see, I am going through the same thing right now. My wife told ma a couple of weeks back that she almost cheated on me with someone she works with, and the only reason she did not was because of our kids. I sympathize with the original poster. I have always been rather empathic with others. I know she is not happy. I want to fix things but she does not seem to care. She keeps going out with her co-workers. (So she says) I am home with the kids and remain helpless to investigate. Or I would bust her ass and likely kick the piss out of the dickbag she is with!
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Now for part two: I have had my own moments of unfaithfulness. The difference is, it was moments of weakness that I immediately went to her about and came clean. About two years ago, I was about to have another and decided that my marriage was more important. Then I find things that she had written to a co-worker on facebook. Things she NEVER says to me. Well, I confronted her about it and she denied having anything other than a friendship with him. I have told her to stay away from him and she won't. Now there is this other person. (She says it is someone else. I don't believe it for a second and I do not trust her.) I do not want my marriage to end. 1. Because in spite of all this, I love my wife. 2. If she leaves me for some bastard she works with, she will most certainly get custody of the kids and I do not want my kids anywhere near this idiot! They can learn nothing good from a man who picks up on women he knows is married with children. I will save this site and check back. I appreciate any advice. report abuse
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written by navyguy93 , 21 December, 2011
Well I'll tell ya...The guys on here that are boo-hooing over their slut-bag wives need to get a clue. SHE AIN'T GONNA CHANGE!! Get rid of her ass and kick her to the curb. Don't use the kids as an excuse or that she says it won't happen again...all that is BS. How do I know?? Been married for 18 years and divorced less than a year ago. Found out she cheated on me with 5 or 6 guys over the past 5 years all while I was deployed overseas. This last time, she really screwed up and met her 'soulmate', who also was married, just as much of a cheater as she and she left me and the kids for this scumbag. Of course I did all the same stupid crap the majority of the guys on here did or are doing...begged to get her back, forgave, gave her anything she wanted, took all the blame, let her find herself, etc, etc. She came back twice, because she caught him cheating and was broke and I tried to forgive and forget and it might have worked if she would have met me halfway. But she still wanted to go out with her friends, wanted to text who knows who all the time, blame me for controlling her, etc. Same behavior, no change.
Votes: +1
So, I hooked up with the other guys wife, been having the time of my life with someone that is actually a good person!! She has her kids, her ex lives with his Mommy. I have my kids, my ex lives with her Daddy and we are happier than pigs in slop! My advice...kick them out, show some backbone!! Blow all your anger and pain out the end of your crank! The best revenge and the quickest way to get over that skank is to live your life to the fullest and be successful!! It will drive her crazy when her life falls apart and you survive!! report abuse
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written by C. , 29 December, 2011
I am 30 years old male. 11 years ago when I was in New Jersey I had an affair with someone`s wife. She was 30 by that time, her husband was 45+. They had two little sons age 3-7. We met every day for about a week in a motel and once at night in her home`s basement where we had sex while her husband was sleeping upstairs.
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Her husband found out a few weeks later and I have never seen or talked to her again. Today I feel real bad about it and how I have probably destroyed this man`s life in some way forever. I was so stupid, selfish, an asshole and if he had caught us, he would have had every right to kill me. I know he is still with her, they have a facebook profile. Sometimes I look at it and I feel sorry for him. --- 4 years ago my wife of 7 years has cheated on me. It has killed me inside and it still is. But I guess that`s what I deserve. report abuse
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written by all to well... , 05 January, 2012
I'm 33 my wife and i have been together for 17 year's and have 2 children together. With out going into details i believe my wife cheated on me. I don't have any hard evidence and i know my wife very well. She would never admit cheating to me if her life depended on it. There are some things that can never be forgiven. Trust is a privilege earned not a necessity given. If anyone has been cheated on by someone they truly love says different. Ask them how long it took to forget. Because true forgiveness goes hand and hand with forgetting. Regardless of how angry or hurt i was at the time not knowing is worse than knowing because it leaves you living with a stranger. And you can't heal in the arm's of someone who won't even try to help remove the knife they stuck in your back to begin with.
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written by CH 717 , 22 January, 2012
(part 1)
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Hey everybody I was reading all of you guys' stories and I just wanna say I can sympathize with each and every one of you and im truly sorry. I just happen to stumble upon this website in hopes of maybe.. just maybe finding some answers about what to do in my current situation of my relationship and I was wondering if anybody could help PLEASE??? cause I can honestly say if anybody could give me some good advice I think u guys would be the best. Me & my girlfriend have been together for 2 years now and counting. Im 19 and she is 20, i know you might think we're young and its nothing compared to what you gentleman have and are currently going thru but i feel as if me and this girl have known and been together for 20 years and we've always acted much older for our ages. we met thru.. we'll just say a "mutual friend" and it seemed like it was written by fate that we had found each other she was like nothing i had met before, everything i was looking for.... but ill just cut to the main points. everything started off great, aside from past problems with trusting females.. i had faith in this one until this "mutual friend" took her to a halloween party. me and my girlfriend had been together for about 2 months when this party had came up. My girlfriend is very smart and goody two shoe-ish and claims shes always been a good girl or "nerd" in her words and i know shes not as innocent as she claims but i believe her for the most part ... now keeping in mind that this mutual friend has been a hoe (to put things lightly) since me and my friends have known her back in 5th grade and my girlfriend had already told me before we got together they use "play" dudes but assured me she was done with that and had changed and had never did anything with the dudes more than kiss... i always have a problem with them hanging out together because of how the friend is and constantly puts my lady in bad situations and is always trying to hook her up with new guys knowing that we are in a serious relationship but i decided to trust my girlfriend and let her go have fun. (continued in parts cause of length) report abuse
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written by CH 717 , 22 January, 2012
(part 2)
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everything was fine until my lady came home and told me that she had given some dances that i would not approve of to some guy, being the way i am with her as much as i hate to say it EXTREMELY jealous and overprotective which she claims to like.. i blew up and held it against her with her and the mutual friend thinkin i was blowing it out of proportion (the way i seen it tho i was very hurt because we had just got together really and she was already giving explicit dances to some random dude?? not a good start) my girlfriend claimed she did it because she didnt know if i really liked her in a serious way yet but anyway i eventually forgave her out of my love for her but inside ive never really fully been able to trust her again since. this was the first bump in our relationship. my girlfriend is very attractive and is constantly getting advances from guys almost everyday and i cant stand it but theres nothing i can do. i have very low self esteem and am always putting myself down thinkin im not good for her.. im constantly assuring myself shes cheating even tho she swears by god shes not.... and ever since that party i dont know what to believe about her, she told me she was a virgin and i was the first one although she said shes almost came close to sex but decided the dudes werent "there for her like i was" and lots of other things a boyfriend would want to hear but i cant be sure... ive always had my doubts off and on and i dont think she wants to tell me the truth because she knows how ill react...but the thing that kills me is ive told her if you ARE cheating or flirting, messing around.. whatever... JUST TELL ME! sure ill be hurt but i'd rather her tell me and just break up so she can be with the other person rather than waste both our time with cheating but she still swears she doesnt cheat. report abuse
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written by CH 717 , 22 January, 2012
(part 3)
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I cant get any background info on how she was before we met and ive been lookin since we met... which has me think sometimes maybe its all in my head and she really does love me because my whole family and usually everyone else adores her and she does the things a good wife would do and i see myself being with this woman the rest of my life. she just tends to act sketchy and suspicious sometimes... BUT the strange thing is ive always had this feeling in my gut that she is doing me dirty all this time and as i was reading you guys stories and almost all of you said that you've had the SAME EXACT FEELING and were pretty much right. Im stuck and dont know what to do at all and ive felt like this for awhile now, i feel with all the negativity and my accusations the relationship is declining... I just want the truth! so i can finally be able to rest easy and move on. We're pretty serious and want to get engaged and with valentine's coming up she wants a ring but i know i cant fully commit and be truly happy with her until i know the truth. Im no dumby to how females are.. especially young black females in college nonetheless, but I dont want to make one of the biggest mistakes of my life and throw away what I want to be my future wife for no reason... but I also dont want to waste my time having my heart juggled and dropped by a no good woman.. now i skipped alot of things about this relationship because i'd be writing all night if i gave you guys the full story of our relationship but thats the problem in a nutshell and im going to be completely honest with you guys : I have low self esteem and dont feel im good enough for her compared to what shes use to in the past, im unemployed at the moment so i cant financially support her at the moment... not that muscular... i dont feel like i satisfy her in bed... along with plenty other reasons i really dont feel like getting into but basically who wants to be serious with a nobody.. we joke and laugh and enjoy & support each other but nowadays thats not enough for women... I always feel like why are you with me when you could have someone..anyone much better then me and she says its cause she loves me and as much as that makes me feel good.. it just doesnt seem like the logical answer a grown woman would choose... Love of a loser with nothing over being taken care of by somebody with $$$ and financial stability???.....I just dont see it fellas report abuse
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